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Newcastle Herald
Newcastle Herald
Madeline Link

How everyday household items gave power back to Newcastle DV survivor

Friends With Dignity founder Manuela Whitford. Picture supplied

WHEN women flee abusive relationships, they often have to leave possessions behind.

For many victims of domestic violence, financial concerns, property and assets play a significant role in their decision to leave or stay in a violent relationship.

That's where Friends With Dignity comes in.

The day one Newcastle woman, who cannot be named, signed the lease on her own rental property where she moved in with her children, she handed the keys to Friends With Dignity volunteers.

A week later, they had completely furnished the house.

"I was in complete and total disbelief," the Newcastle woman said.

"For the longest time I couldn't believe any of this was mine to keep.

"I had just come from an environment where I had items like washing machines and fridges used against me."

Friends With Dignity is a charity that helps victims of domestic violence rebuild their lives with purpose, dignity and hope.

Through their Sanctuary program, the charity has furnished more than 1000 homes and helped 87 families across Queensland, NSW and Western Australia last financial year.

In the past 18 months, the service has reported a 45 per cent increase in requests for help to establish victim-survivors in new homes by providing furniture, toiletries and other needs.

Friends With Dignity founder and chief executive Manuela Whitford said possessions are commonly used as a tool in coercive control.

"Especially when you've got children, it's those little things that would keep the child happy or distracted," she said.

"It can be very restricting on these people not being able to leave knowing they won't have those comforts with them."

More than one in six women and one in 13 men experience economic abuse every year in Australia.

Friends With Dignity aims to give victim-survivors a fresh start.

"The great thing about it is that we don't meet these people, so they don't have to feel like they have to be eternally grateful to their neighbour for donating the TV, the will never know who the donor is," Ms Whitford said.

"It's about that person being able to walk within the local community and not be judged by the position they are in.

"We've helped people who are principals of schools, CEOs of businesses, as well as ladies who have been homeless, domestic violence can happen to anybody, it doesn't matter how financially stable you are.

"So it's about people having that dignity and being aware that the community has their back."

When the Newcastle woman moved into her property, Friends With Dignity volunteers took the time to cater specifically to her and the needs of her children, asking about their ages, what colours they liked and their favourite things.

After feeling hopeless, helpless and trapped, she said having items and a home to call her own was empowering.

"These people didn't know me and they had put so much time, consideration and thought into giving us a really good start," she said.

"All those people who mistreated me and used things against me, they kind of lost their power a bit.

"The fact that strangers can do this for me, to think I am as entitled to have things and be valued differently, it builds that self-esteem which I think brings in that word 'dignity' really well."

Friends With Dignity is encouraging Australians to make a tax-deductible donation to support their family violence services before the end of the financial year.

  • Support is available for those who may be distressed. Phone Lifeline 13 11 14; MensLine 1300 789 978; Kids Helpline 1800 551 800; beyondblue 1300 224 636; 1800-RESPECT 1800 737 732.
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