Xander Khoury co-founded House of Silky with a mission; to diversify Sydney’s ballroom scene while centering its pioneers in the queer, BIPOC and trans community. Now, years later, Xander is the Father of the House of Silky, one of Australia’s most eminent ballroom collectives, and its spinoffs — like The Door List and the first-of-its-kind The West Ball — are among the buzziest and most sought-after events for queer Sydneysiders.
With House of Silky now synonymous with the broader popularity of Australia’s ballroom scene, which has since emerged all over the country, you’d think Xander’s humble mission is all-but completed. Well, think again! Thankfully for us, House of Silky is just getting started, as Xander tells us of the ongoing journey of carving out spaces for those that came before him, and doing it all with “great music to shake your ass to”.
From the inception of House of Silky to the traces of ballroom that underpin all aspects of culture, we caught up with Xander for a chat amid his quest to “put ballroom in Australia on the map”.
Thanks for joining us, Xander! As a co-founder of House of Silky, I’m curious how your own story is connected to the collective. Can you tell me what first drew you to ballroom?
XANDER: I had always kind of known about the ballroom scene as a teenager, and always watched it from afar in New York. I never dreamed that it would exist here in Australia. Which was pretty funny, because the ballroom scene existed right under my nose in Liverpool, of all places. I ended up going to Sissy Ball and walked Sissy Ball. I originally thought it was just a party but once I got there I noticed it was an actual ball. I walked the ball, and that was it. It just started from there.
So House of Silky was born from there?
XANDER: Well, at the time there were only really one or two houses that were existing. Myself and [House Mother] Mira just felt that ballroom needed this new house, this new space for community, this new family that could be built. So that’s what we did. We decided to move ahead with Silky and ended up building this huge empire that we never really thought would happen. It really was just a kiki and something that we wanted to do.
Oh totally, and it certainly feels like an empire now. What are the core values that the House of Silky empire was built on?
XANDER: When we built the house there were three key things that we really valued. It was A) We wanted our house to be a nightlife house. B) We wanted our house to be a fashion house. Then, we also wanted our house to have strong family values, and be a place for queer, trans and BIPOC people to come.
Did these values come out of your upbringing in Western Sydney? Did that play a role in co-founding House of Silky?
XANDER: Ballroom was born in Liverpool. The actual ballroom scene started in Liverpool. It innately plays a role in House of Silky because the ballroom scene was born there. A lot of people in ballroom are from Western Sydney. It might be surprising, but nightlife is where a lot of queer people connect and meet each other. It’s a really valuable space for community and family values. We’re here to support each other in and out of ballroom. So this chosen family is really important.
100 per cent, and now that family has evolved and grown with House of Silky, but what was Sydney’s ballroom scene like when you first started out?
XANDER: At the time we started House of Silky, there were only two butch queens in the whole country! Now, there are up to ten different houses across the country. There’s ballroom scenes in Perth, Canberra, Brisbane. It’s everywhere at this point. It’s really beautiful because it means there’s more community. More POC, Black and trans people who are connecting with each other across the country. We’re building this larger network outside of just our houses.
On a personal level, it must feel fulfilling to see that network grow. What has that experience been like?
XANDER: It’s really beautiful to see that rise. It’s really special to know that we also played a role in formulating that rise as well. It’s something that I hold closely, because as the scene gets bigger, our responsibility to protect it also gets bigger.
For sure, and I guess there’s a balance involved in protecting ballroom as a sacred space, but also wanting to promote and showcase it?
XANDER: Absolutely, and it’s a delicate balance. It’s a balance that globally, as a ballroom scene, we’re constantly trying to navigate. The way I’ve always envisioned it is that we always need to centre our trans women and our Black and brown people first.
You have to open the doors for the right people, but you also have to gatekeep it from the people who want to take it somewhere else.
Absolutely! And once those doors are open, you start to see the influence of ballroom and House of Silky all over Australia’s culture and nightlife.
XANDER: House of Silky has really helped put ballroom in Australia on the map. We’ve done collaborations with Boiler Room and VIVID Sydney. We’ve thrown lots of underground queer nightlife events. We’ve had members of our house that are feeding into the fashion and music industry in incredible ways. One of our daughters was just a host on Triple J. She’s a young trans woman on one of the largest radio shows in Australia. We’re doing a lot to showcase ballroom, but also to showcase that we’re people. We’re humans. We’re a part of society and have something to offer beyond what we bring on the runway.
You’re right! Do you think people would be surprised by how ballroom has managed to really touch on those other aspects of culture that you mentioned, like music and fashion?
XANDER: That’s what a lot of people don’t realise. It’s what’s special about the Australian ballroom scene and particularly House of Silky. We have been an undercurrent of cultural shifting in Australia; in music, in nightlife, in fashion. In ballroom globally, for example, you’ve got the editors of Vogue coming to our vogue nights. You’ve got designers picking people from our houses as muses for their collections. You’ve got all these undercurrents of culture that are running through ballroom that people wouldn’t even realise.
It’s even in our language!
XANDER: You only need to look at the vocabulary that we see with “slay” and “tea” and “reading”. That’s all ballroom slang! Before it was even queer slang, it was ballroom slang. It was, and is, everywhere! Queen Latifah, Janet Jackson, everyone you can imagine has been influenced in some way. Victoria Monét just did a whole voguing piece in a recent music video. It’s such a deep culture and history, but it’s important to note that because it was created and led by trans women, and because it is a Black culture, a lot of the time this credit has been diminished and taken by people. That’s why it’s so important that people in ballroom are at the forefront of these things, so they can continue to lay claim to what is theirs.
It stretches far further back than most people would realise. I wonder, too, as people are just discovering the influence of ballroom in these ways, how you might explain what an event like The Door List is to a newcomer?
XANDER: The Door List is an event series that I created in 2022. It was made to prioritise queer, trans and BIPOC people, and that’s very key to what The Door List is about. In queer culture and queer events in Australia, everything is very wide-set. I wanted to create an event where that was flipped on its head — where it’s very POC-centred. I’m very grateful for everyone that supports the event and comes and plays, and grateful that we’ve created a space where you’re able to come and do that. So that’s what you can expect… but also expect great music to shake your ass to!
Well of course, that’s a given! It must be a moment of pride to host events like that, and I’m sure you feel the same about The West Ball, by going back to those roots in Liverpool?
XANDER: I created The West Ball with Jamaica Moana. That event, to me, is something that I look at and think ‘OK, this is important. This is significant. This is needed.’ What we’re doing is more than just a ball. This is something that is an act of protest and defiance. It’s a true safe space for people in Western Sydney. The West Ball was the first-ever queer nightlife event in Western Sydney. To be able to have, in the middle of Liverpool, 500 queer and trans people come out at night and feel celebrated and have a moment for themselves, and be in the middle of the area without having to worry about if they’re going to get jumped, is really powerful. It says that ‘we’re here, we exist, and we’re not going anywhere.’
That’s a really powerful sentiment, and it must feel like a full-circle moment for you, having come from Western Sydney?
XANDER: Absolutely! The West Ball is the kind of thing I wish that I had as a young queer person growing up in the area. Now we’re able to do that for other people, and we’ve been doing it for the last five years. It’s really beautiful, because now we have young queer and trans people telling us it’s the only time of year they feel safe enough to come out. We only have to look at Western Sydney to understand how homophobic and transphobic it is. You only need to look at the marriage equality votes, where the highest proportion of ‘No’ votes came out of Western Sydney.
For sure, and I think, politically and socially, it’s an especially important time for events like yours. How are you looking to continue that important work in the future?
XANDER: We’re just continuing to carve out spaces for queer and trans BIPOC people in Australia. Continuing to centre those people and provide opportunities for them. That’s the continual work for the future. In terms of upcoming events, we have the House of Silky Presents: The Summer Fling Ball on March 1st. All ticket sales from that go towards the GoFundMe fundraisers for local trans womens’ gender-affirming surgery. On February 22nd, we’ve got The Door List & Jubahlee Presents: The RUBY Launch Party in Newtown. It’s free entry!
5 Quick Questions with Xander
1. Fave queer spot in Sydney?
The Red Rattler. There’s always a fun warehouse party or something happening there.
2. Fave queer spot not in Sydney (Australia or international)?
I love going to Dutty events in Melbourne.
3. Fave queer book / movie / TV show / artist / etc?
There’s one book that changed my life as a young, 18-year-old queer person. It’s by Larry Kramer and it’s called The Tragedy of Today’s Gays. It’s actually a speech and it was turned into a short book. He gave the speech around the height of the AIDS epidemic. It’s interesting to see how a lot of what was happening then is still happening now. Very insightful book for a young queer person to read.
4. #1 tip for surviving Mardi Gras?
Pace yourself, and surround yourself with people that you actually want to be around.
5. Describe your first crush with an emoji:
🫣
This story is part of our Mardi Gras digital issue, celebrating the LGBTQ+ culture makers and game changers who make this city thrive.
Read more from this issue:
- Felicia Foxx on Queer Blackfella Excellence & Change Through ‘Artivism’
- Kath Ebbs on Non-Binary Joy, the Pink Dollar, and Falling in Love Over Line Dancing
- Alix Higgins on Friends As Muses & Twisting Masculinity In Fashion
- Heaps Gay’s Kat Dopper on Community, Chosen Family & Creating The Ultimate Vibe
The post House Of Silky’s Father Xander Khoury on Ballroom’s Past, Present & Shining Future appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .
