All things being well, we’re about to experience our first Christmas with proper blowout parties and endless extended family for three years. And the world has chosen now to hit us with the worst cost-of-living crisis we’ve seen in decades, strikes in almost any industry you can think of, a devastating war in Europe — and a turkey shortage.
Suddenly all those lavish tablescaping dreams we might have been nurturing since last year’s festive washout seem out of touch. Spending loads on decorating for one day of the year is unthinkable when so many are having to frequent food banks. And besides, Christmas — with all its childhood nostalgia and ancient traditions — is possibly the best time of year to get creative and make your own. You needn’t spend much to have an enviable, show-stopping festive home, just find a touch of resourcefulness and a willingness to get creative. If it all goes a bit awry, well we’re living through the Winter of Discontent 2.0 — just call it punk.
Beg, borrow, steal
You do not, I repeat, do not need an entire matching set of 12 placemats, coasters, side plates, napkin rings and on and on and on. Your twee tablescape will be pricey, hard to store, look control freaky and will put everyone on their best behaviour. When I was a kid we never had enough chairs for big occasions. At Christmas we used to borrow spares from next door. The sight of a hotchpotch of chair backs peeping out from under the table is very nostalgic for me, I also happen to think it looks rather good.
The same principle can be applied across the whole table.
Why not go the whole hog and ask your guests to bring their own cutlery and plates too if you don’t have enough to cater for everyone? Actually, you know what, you might as well ask them to lay and decorate the table while they’re at it… I’m only half joking — doing activities together is a great icebreaker and a clever way of keeping your lovely (absolutely not at all annoying) family and friends entertained while you rustle up something fabulous in the kitchen.
Art attack your table
I’ve always fancied myself as a bit of a Neil Buchanan and my festive pièce de résistance this year is going to be a Christmas tablecloth. It’s super easy to decorate your own and as cheap as parsnip chips. Natural calico can be bought for 99p a metre from fabric shops; head to Shepherd’s Bush Market for the best bang for your buck. I always like to buy a few metres extra to give that full, voluptuous look. Then all you need is some matte emulsion paint and a big, flat-head paintbrush.
Go bold with your colour choices, it is Christmas after all. I love a combo of red, burnt orange and terracotta hues. Apply the paint liberally with big, bold brush strokes. You don’t have to make it too perfect, it looks fab when you can see bits of the bare calico peeping through. Strips of painted calico will make very chic napkin ties and if you rip the fabric rather than cutting it you’ll get a lovely, artistic frayed edge. You could tie the whole scheme together (literally and figuratively) with strings of painted calico chains — just like paper chains only tied rather than stuck together.
DIY games
Add a twist to the Guess Who game and get your guests in on the action by writing everyone’s name on to a napkin tie and putting them all in a hat. Then pick the ties from the hat at random and tie them round your guests’ heads. Each player gets 10 questions to guess who they are. Easy, free fun and everyone gets a bespoke name tie to take home with them. You probably won’t make anyone cry but if you do it’s just an inevitable part of Christmas.
Foliage
I beg you not to spend loads of money down the supermarket on tree twigs and holly sprigs or, worse, plastic foliage. All the best Christmas decorations can be snipped up for free during a frosty festive walk. London is surrounded with woodland and simply bursting with holly, ivy and evergreen trees straight out of Narnia. It is a National Park City, after all.
But before you go on a rampant rampage with your secateurs, remember to check the country code and bylaws of your chosen patch. You do not want to spend advent in a police cell for stealing mistletoe.
If foraging sounds a bit too Countryfile-meets-Crimewatch for your tastes, you could always hit up New Covent Garden Flower Market. It’s a fraction of the price of florists and if you are sneaky and not too fussed about the specific plants you come home with, you can pick up plenty of freebies when traders shut up shop at about 9am. You didn’t hear it from me.
Being a collector of weird and wonderful objects, I love to intertwine foliage with some of my favourite things. It gives the table setting structure and adds a personal, home-style touch. An unusual centrepiece will also provide a much needed conversation starter if you’ve used up all your hungover Christmas Day chat.
Lighting
Candles are both symbolic and extremely flattering. They also create lovely, intimate, flickering pools of light and set the perfect atmosphere when night draws in at 3.30pm. I am a big fan of black tapered ones; these can be picked up when you are grabbing your greenery at New Covent Garden Market. My favourites cost £45 for a pack of 100, which should see you through until next Christmas. A mishmash of candlestick holders and candelabras add glamour to the mix. Try weaving ivy up and around your candlesticks — very Miss Havisham.
Special sparkle
It is Christmas so if you can splash out, get something that will keep. My gran would always give me a fiver to “buy yourself some tins”. Of course I never did, but there are plenty of non-perishables I adore nowadays — not all of them of the alcoholic bottled variety, either.
Beautifully packaged tins and jars are a gift to the novice host, they look so pretty you do not need to decant them on to fancy plates or frilly serving bowls. Unless you’re a frequent host, the idea you should have a dresser full of matching giant serving platters for one day of the year is absurd. Instead, just splash out on foods with the prettiest-looking labels.
I love canned Perelló olives, which can be bought in most good delis, while the little red sailing boat on Ortiz anchovy cans is totally charming. But the best selection of international jars and tins can be found at the Oli Food Centre on Walworth Road, aka the best food shop in London.
If you want to add some old-world glam, a tin of Fortnum & Mason biscuits is always a treat. Take yourself down to the historic department store for a December day out. Even if you don’t end up buying a single thing, just hearing that clock chime will fill you with festive cheer straight out of a storybook. Sometimes you don’t have to spend even a single penny to have a good ol’ time.
