A mum whose son died at four weeks old has told how holding him was the "most precious moment" in her life.
Pabi Tra and Ankit Gupta, from Heath in Cardiff, became parents to Aiden Gupta on May 16 and hardly left his side as he battled a defect in his diaphragm and fluid in his lungs, which eventually claimed his life. "He was such a strong boy and went though everything," said Pabi, who is a healthcare support worker at University Hospital of Wales.
The 38-year-old said: "Every day I still write a diary on my phone about how I am missing him. Every week I visit his grave in Thornhill Cemetery. I sit down and talk to him about small things. I will always remember him. If I have another kid he will always remain our oldest son."
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Pabi and Ankit had experienced a miscarriage and an ectopic pregnancy before they had Aiden, who was born at 32 weeks in University Hospital of Wales. His life was immediately under threat from a congenital diaphragmatic hernia, which means his diaphragm had not closed in the right way.
"Five hours after his birth the recovery nurse told me to call my husband and ask him to come and see our son for the last time because his oxygen was not going up and he wouldn't make it," said Pabi. "I told the nurse, 'Please don't tell me this.' I had lost two babies before him but those were very early, only six weeks and 8 weeks. After those two we had waited for two years.
"The nurse took me to neonatal intensive care. When I saw my son I nearly fainted. He had tubes, a catheter, a cannula in both hands and his legs, and he was such a tiny baby. I was crying non-stop begging the doctor to save him."
One of the consultants then told Pabi that Aiden would have a chance of survival if he was treated at Leicester's Glenfield Hospital, which has an ECMO centre for oxygenating patients' blood. "A few hours later they told us they were coming to take our son to Leicester," she added. "I was very happy and had hope in my heart.
"We wanted to go with him but due to my C-section and an infection in my left kidney I had to stay in Cardiff and take antibiotics to recover. In that moment I felt my son would be alone without us, even though the nurses and doctors would be with him. I cried for two days and nights. I couldn't sleep or eat because I was missing my baby so much. Those two days were like two million years."
Pabi and Ankit were able to go to Glenfield Hospital on May 19, where they were provided accommodation on the first floor while their son was treated on the fifth. "As soon as we arrived we went up to see our son," said Pabi, who is fundraising for the Heart Link charity which supported her in the hospital. "He was looking much better on the ECMO machine, sleeping. We went to kiss him but we couldn't hold him."
The following day Aiden had an operation to repair his diaphragm. Pabi said: "The nurse called and told me that the operation was successful and we could see our son. I was crying and saying thank you to everybody who was involved in the operation.
"On May 26 Aiden came off the ECMO successfully. Our son was a very strong and happy baby. The next day, for the first time our son had my milk by his tube. I was so happy he was doing well and would soon be better so I could take him home."
A few days later a doctor told the couple that Aiden had fluid in his lungs and both would need to be drained to prevent his heart being compressed. "Every day we started worrying for him," said Pabi. "Then on June 5 I received a phone call at 5 am. They asked me to come up as soon as possible. The doctor and nurse told me our son had gone into cardiac arrest and had CPR for six minutes."
After resuscitating Aiden the staff said Pabi and Ankit could hold him for the first time "because anything could happen at any time". The mum added: "They had to bring all the wires around and when they let us hold our baby, that was the moment we felt closest to him. That was the most precious moment in our life.
"I was with my son day and night. I didn't want to leave him. I was not sleeping or eating well. On June 9 the consultants called us into the family room and told us they didn't think our son would make it because they had tried everything to stop his fluid but it was not stopping. He was not improving. Then both of us were crying not knowing what to do or how to save him. We were asking God to come down and help him get better.
"On June 11 he was really poorly and a doctor asked me if I wanted to hold him one last time. I called my family and told them to come. We were with my baby all day. At about 11.40pm I asked my husband to stay with our son. I just wanted to have a few hours' sleep. I hadn't been asleep for a few days. I gave him a kiss and went down to sleep."
The next day — Aiden's original due date, June 12 — his oxygen levels fell further. "Slowly he went with the angels," said Pabi. "He lost his fight after 28 days in hospital. We will never hear his cry or see his smile. I will never be able to give my milk on his mouth. This pain and sorrow will never go but he will be always in our heart. The 28 days he gave us were the most precious and priceless in this world."
Pabi has set up a Gofundme page in the hope of raising £2,000 for the Heart Link charity. "They help people and parents who come from afar," she said. "They provide everything — food, drink, accommodation — and they are so nice. I will always have them in my heart and I want to help raise even a small amount in my son's name."
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