I regret to inform you that, through no fault of my own, I have found myself in the depths of hobby horsetok and now I can’t stop thinking about this weird sport that is dominating my algorithm.
At the best of times, I am staunchly anti-horse. I don’t like racing, I’ve never met a horse girl that didn’t give me the heebie jeebies and to be quite frank, I just don’t like the vibes that horses give off. Honestly, I think horses are a bit fucked.
But if you thought my gripe with real, living, breathing horses and horse girls was bad, you can imagine my utter disgust — nay (neigh) — anguish when I discovered the hobby horse community.
For those unfamiliar, hobby horsing is a sport that combines gymnastic elements, show-jumping, dressage, and what is effectively a broomstick with the head of a horse stuck on the end.
The sport, if you can call it that, originated in Finland — where a national competition, as well as a number of regional competitions, are held annually — but has since spread across the globe.
Competitions have popped up all over the world, including in England, where the British Show Pony Society announced a competition with a £300 prize. Even Australia has a growing hobby horse community, who hope to hold the first national competition by the end of August this year.
Hobby horsing has skyrocketed in popularity thanks to the hobby horsetok community in which I now find myself a part of.
Usually, I am not here to yuck anybody else’s yum, but when it comes to hobby horsing that is entirely what I am doing.
The first video I found is a now-viral clip showing an athlete recovering from what I can only assume was a tough competition.
“”Hobbyhorsing is not a sport, it’s easy and everyone can do that..” Oh yeah? This is me after my dressage routine… I was passing out, couldn’t breathe, almost throwing up, dizzy, shaking, whole body burning in pain,” the video read.
Upon first glance I assumed the video was a parody, but upon further investigation, it was dead serious and the OP recently came second in the International Dressage category at Slovakia Championship 2024.
The same athlete has also seemingly competed in the Czech National Competition, which means they’re traveling internationally for this very serious and very real sport.
Now, I must give credit where credit is due: some of these athletes — and don’t be mistaken, they are ATHLETES — have an athletic prowess I could only dream about. The hurdling skills are out of this world, with some athletes effectively high-jumping with a broomstick between their legs.
Some hobby horsers specialise in show-jumping, others prefer dressage, and some just like to take their trusty steeds on trail rides. Basically, anything you can do on a horse, you can do on a hobby horse.
The sport has also spawned its own pool of hobby horse influencers, who share advice on filming their rides, techniques, and where they purchase their horses and accessories. It is at this point that I would like you all to stop and imagine trying to explain this phenomenon to your parents. Go on.
Hobby horsetok is also littered with fan edits of popular hobby horsers like Alisa Aarniomäki — the Finnish Dressage Champion for 2022 and 2023. If you’re interested in learning from the best, Aarniomäki also offers classes from €10 per session.
While the hobby is considerably cheaper than becoming an actual horse girl, it is certainly not easy on the bank account, with some hobby horses costing a cool and normal $447.98.
I can only assume that hobby horsing is akin to real-life horseriding in that the least successful horses are sent to the glue factory, and that’s how we get craft glue.
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