A “high-level husband” now trains others to be better spouses after saying he hasn’t argued with his wife in 10 years. Tommy McCollister, 42, insists he has a “phenomenal marriage” with his wife of 16 years, Dianne McCollister, 41.
The couple claim working on their individual identities, relationship with faith and surrounding themselves with a community makes their marriage successful. The happy pair have two children together – Tyson, 15, and Taron, 12 – and said their relationship get better every single year and they haven’t argued for 10 years.
Now marriage coaches Tommy and Dianne train other couples to have a “high level marriage”. Tommy said: “We have a phenomenal marriage. We’ve been solid for 19 years.
“We haven’t argued in 10 years. We really value serving each other. I’m always improving myself. Dianne is improving herself so we can better serve each other.
“Together we create high level marriages.”
Although they now have a great relationship, Tommy is the first to admit their rocky start when they first met aged 17 and 18. He said: “We had a rocky first four years. There was infidelity and drug abuse on my part.
“We broke up for 18 months and when we got back together that’s when I needed a life change.”
The couple have now been together for 24 years and married for 16 years. Tommy said: “We make decisions based on commitments - not emotions and feelings.
“I commit to being an amazing husband. Every single year our marriage gets better.”
Tommy and Dianne often see couples struggling with trust, communication or intimacy issues. Tommy said: “Usually the problem in a marriage is when someone has something wrong in themselves.
“For example, if you are doing a job and are not happy with it. You come home you’re not going to be vibrant if you’re getting your soul sucked out of you.”
Tommy said quality time is crucial to becoming a ‘high level’ partner. He said: “You have to make time for consistent quality time every day.
“Just like how we find time to eat. We have to look at quality time on the same level. You may have to remove something from your life to do it. Dianne and I don’t really watch TV.
"We very rarely watch TV, we really love to sit around a puzzle and talk. We start every morning with a 30 second hug and make sure to pray together at least one time per day."
Tommy said couples struggling with intimacy issues have often stopped communicating well. He said: “There is normally an intimacy issue because they are talking about kids or bills instead of talking about fun things.
“If we want to serve our spouse, we should do it out of service or something in that intimacy realm – because we love them. There are times where one of us may not be in the mood, but if we notice the other person is making an effort to initiate, then we make it happen."
Tommy said people should also be open, honest and vulnerable with their other half. He said: “You are enough for yourself.
“Your partner is an added bonus that makes life amazing. As a spouse we should be our spouse's biggest champion.”
Tommy and Dianne said they work on themselves constantly to achieve a “10 out of 10 marriage”.
He said: “Our intimacy is better than it has ever been," he said. "As is our joy and happiness. We spend 16 hours every day together. We’re never get bored of each other.
"We never raise our voices at each other or use words that will hurt. We must serve our spouse as if she is ourselves. No days off, day in and day out."
Tommy and Dianne's tips to be a high-level husband or wife -
- Work on make yourself a better person constantly to be the best version of you
- Surround yourself with like-minded people in your community
- Serve each other - having a 30 second hug every morning, rarely watching TV together, seeing intimacy as a service
- Make decisions based on commitments not emotions or feelings
- Make time every day for quality time together - even if this means removing something else from your life to achieve this
- Be open, honest and vulnerable with each other
- Be the biggest champion for your partner
