It's been a hot minute since we had a royal in the Hunter.
Queen Elizabeth made her first journey to the real Newcastle (that's right, Upon Tyne, we said it) back in 1954 to a veritable fanfare of local excitement.
The Newcastle Herald (which in those days had a "Morning" in the masthead) estimated that as many as 300,000 locals turned out to see the the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh, Prince Philip, at the Sportsground, Showground the old BHP Steelworks. It was one of the biggest crowds the city had seen, we wrote, and by all accounts the royals were a hit.
"From the moment the Queen stepped off the Royal train at Newcastle Railway Station, the throngs took her to their hearts," the paper fawned as doors and windows were crowded for a glimpse of the couple.
The Queen dropped by again in 1970, 1977, and famously in 1988 when she gracefully stepped off the boat and opened the then-brand-new Queens Wharf waterside precinct with its infamously-shaped observation tower.
Maitland, specifically, has been lucky enough to snag more than one royal visit, with Prince Albert Duke of York in 1868, Prince Edward in 1920, Prince Albert Duke of York and Prince Henry Duke of Gloucester in 1934.
The royals, now under new management, are reportedly planning another visit to our fair shores next year to mark the bicentenary of the NSW Legislative Council and, while there may still be a question mark over who exactly is coming to tea, Maitland Regional Council is keen welcome the Windsors back to God's country.
King Charles, of course, hasn't been to the Hunter since 1983 when he visited Maitland with Princess Diana. A lot can change in 40-odd years, so before they drop by again in 2024, Topics - ever eager to help - offers a local's guide for a royal visit.
Do as the locals do
There will undeniably be a lot of pomp and ceremony when whichever crop of royals arrive, but if my time in the Hunter has taught me anything, there's nothing locals appreciate more than cutting through the gilded lining. So, when you're done opening libraries and giving back the late Prince Phil's Australian knighthood (sorry about that, by the way, we tried to tell Tony it was a bad idea but he Cap'n Called it), maybe give the entourage the slip for a taste of the real Hunter Valley.
Welcome to wine country
Now, listen Chuck, we know you like to run your car on British wine (and we've tried some of the stuff you Poms make, and, look, we can see where you got the idea) but here in the Hunter Valley, we make wine so good you can actually drink it.
After a few rough years of fire and flood, the Hunter Valley had a sensational vintage this year for reds and whites. Back in March, Wine Magazine's 2022 Australian Viticulturist of the Year Liz Riley said 2023 had produced fruit of "stunning" quality.
There are, of course, your big names of the valley - your Tyrrells and Hungerfords, and First Creeks; all unmissable - but Keith Tulloch's Field of Mars collection is liquid gold and Lisa McGuigan's Vamp label makes arguably one of the most exquisite roses you could ask for. Oh, and if you haven't tried the 2022 Brokenwood Semillon, you haven't been to the Hunter; it won the Hunter Valley Wine Show's Marshall-Flannery Trophy that year.
When you're feeling hungry
There are a lot of "best burgers in the Hunter" - even Topics had a swing at nailing one down a few months ago - so it would be remiss of any visiting royal to not weigh in on the local cuisine.
And if you're in the Maitland-Branxton area, it's Burgers by HMC or bust. Burgerfiend at Cessnock is another local favourite with awards to prove its game, but the dry-aged HMC patty is for locals in the know.
Now, we've heard that King Chipper can be a bit of a fussy eater, and according to a couple of reports, has a bit of an egg habit. Never fear, though, Topics phoned up HMC owner Michael Robinson yesterday afternoon, who graciously took a moment away from his holiday with the family to assure us he would happily fix King's burger with any kind of egg he prefers, proving once again the Hunter's reputation for only the best of hospitable service.
Support your farmers, buy a pumpkin or 12 ...
Now, we've heard that the Brits have a bit of a different relationship with the humble pumpkin, but to them we say "bet you've never tried one from Morpeth".
A few years back, in 2016, the local crop looked as if it might be doomed as the Sydney market squeezed local producers for cents on the dollar.
Local farmers were to be paid only 20 to 25 cents per pumpkin at the Sydney markets, the Maitland Mercury reported that year, while supermarkets sell them for up to $3 a kilogram. That's the same price they were receiving 20 years ago.
More than 20 tonnes of the pumpkins were sold in Central Maitland in just 12 hours, and for good reason; Hunter produce is - pardon the expression - king.
We even have mermaids ...
Now, after a few hours scouring the internet to curate this tailored royal's guide to Maitland and the Hunter (I can only assume the Knighthood is in the mail), Topics came across some pretty obscure royal facts.
One such takeaway from Harry's absolute rollercoaster of a memoir, for example, was that King Charlie is captivated by mermaids (or Selkies, as the Scots call them, who take the form of seals).
The story goes that, back in 2018, Charles apparently revealed that he often sings to seals when visiting Scotland in case they happen to sing back. When Harry accused him of telling "fairy tales," Charles responded, "No, it's absolutely true!"
Well, Topics is here for you Chaz. While our local selkies don't take seal form, we are home to at least one former mermaid, Merella, who used to hang out in our local waterways and, for a time, hosted a popular YouTube channel.
Topics reached out to Emily McAlpin after she appeared in the pages of the Herald back in 2017. While she might not be a regular mermaid these days, and is now pursuing a successful career in the health sector, she revealed she still has her old tails and hinted that if the royals were to call by the local Ocean Baths, you never know what you might find.
There truly is something for everyone here in the Hunter, mate. So, in the words of our most famous tourism ad - come on Chuckles, where the bloody hell are you?
