I have to call places before I visit them. I never know if I should say “I’m fat” (a term I embrace, as it’s technically correct and not a derogatory word) or if I should go for something less tension-provoking like “larger person” or “plus-sized”.
Most of the time, I just go for: “I’m calling because I would love to come and see a show at your venue and I was wondering if you could let me know the sizing of your seats? It’s just that I need to know if my butt can fit into them.”
Then a few things can happen. I once waited for 10 minutes on the phone while an incredibly lovely person from Regent Street Cinema went to measure the seats for me. “Forty-one centimetres,” she announced when she came back to the phone. I then asked if they could accommodate me, in case my butt was wider. (It is.) “We can get you a chair from the bar and place it on the front row,” she suggested. I sighed with relief and my shoulders relaxed. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Sometimes the customer service agent just says: “The seats are really narrow. There’s nothing we can do.”
“So, if I am unable to fit into your seats … I just can’t go?”
“Exactly.”
That sucks. I love standup. I love musicals. I just want to give you my money and have a nice night without having to squeeze myself into a seat that crushes my hipbones for three hours and cuts off blood circulation to my legs.
I hate having to make these phone calls. And I have spent the majority of my life looking at photos of the inside of restaurants, cinemas and trains etc, analysing each detail to try to make out if I will leave there with bruises. It would be so much easier if the information was readily available.
So, if you work at a theatre, cafe, hairdresser, or any venue where there are chairs and people, and you would like to provide a more fat-friendly space, here is some of the stuff you can do.
Put seat measurements on your website
You know the “accessibility” part of your website? That’s an excellent place for a section you can call Our Chairs, like the Stand did recently for its venues in Glasgow, Edinburgh and Newcastle.
The following is particularly important:
Width
Depth
Do the chairs have armrests?
Are the chairs free-standing or tied to another chair?
Do the chairs have a weight limit?
If some chairs are more accessible, how can you request them?
And if you really want a gold star in Fat Accessibility, you could include photos of the various seats you have.
Provide alternatives
The next step is to let us know what our options are, if we see your seat dimensions and realise we can’t fit into your seats. Monkey Barrel, which is where I do most of my shows in Edinburgh, provide two alternatives: email ahead of time or speak to a member of staff when you arrive. They have a number of sturdy, wide seats available.
It is important to note: if there is no alternative, please make that information clear. I know it probably sucks to have to write the equivalent of ,“If you’re fat, you’re not welcome here”, but it really spares us a lot of pain and humiliation to know this, before we arrive and find out for ourselves.
Educate your staff
Make sure your staff knows about this issue. They have to know that there might be fat people coming to the show, who will ask for your accessible seats. When I called a theatre and was told that I couldn’t come to see a show, I ended up calling another line and got to speak to another person. This person informed me that their box seats had no armrests and were free-standing and I could book one of them. I really wish the first person I spoke to had known this.
It is not straightforward. There are, unfortunately, still people who feel shame when it comes to their bodies. It’s not a case of walking up to fat people and shouting: “I SEE YOU ARE FAT, WOULD YOU LIKE A GIGANTIC CHAIR?” It’s just about being mindful and informed.
I love doing and watching shows at the Phoenix Arts Club because I know and trust that the staff will always be respectful and inclusive.
When I toured my last standup show, I only included venues that had said yes to permanently adding seat dimensions to their websites. This means that there now are at least 50 venues all over the UK with this information available. What surprised me was how willing most venues were. They were grateful to be made aware of the issue. They asked what else they could do. That gave me hope.
In a perfect world, all venues would be completely accessible to every body. This is just a baby step on the way to something better.
Sofie Hagen is a comedian and author. Her new show Banglord is at Monkey Barrel, Edinburgh, 3-27 August
