Last year was a tough one for many of my patients. As a psychiatrist, people come to me for help with depression, anxiety, mood swings, ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, eating and weight issues, trauma, grief and more. Along the way, they can also experience the same problems many of us do – relationship difficulties, employment loss and insecure accommodation. Last year, in particular, many of us struggled with the cost of living, exhaustion from global events and the climate crisis, and stress from having loved ones in areas affected by war, disaster and unrest.
How can we acknowledge these feelings without letting them overwhelm us? Is it possible to plan for uncertainty? It’s said our best teachers are our patients. Over this last challenging year, here’s what mine taught me.
Being truly seen is empowering
Melinda* has ADHD, a long-term physical disability, chronic pain and impaired mobility. She developed depression during lengthy Covid isolation, with weight gain making her pain, mobility and loss of independence worse. Her ADHD makes impulsive snacking more challenging and she struggles to stick to a plan for anything, including weight management. It seemed each problem was bound tightly inside another.
When I saw her again, she had lost 10% of her weight, gained muscle and was halfway to her fitness goals. Impressed, I asked her how she did it. “Well, I knew I’d have to come back and you’d ask me what I’ve done,” she said, laughing. “You really know me. You’d see through my excuses.” Is it simply being held accountable, I asked. She said, “No it’s when I don’t feel judged, that’s just who I am. It was hard. I put my mind to it, every day, I just did it.”
Melinda showed me that being seen and heard – deeply, authentically – is important to feeling good. When others recognise and respect us for who we are, it builds confidence and self-efficacy and, ultimately, empowers us.
There’s dignity in living aligned with your values
Ava* has an intellectual disability, depression and anxiety. She is eligible for a disability pension and a disability support package, but Ava wants to work, even if it reduces her eligibility for financial assistance. She is studying and wants to to participate fully in the workplace and be respected by her peers.
Ava has been exploited in relationships in the past and is now more aware of her vulnerability and better prepared. She knows she has challenges that others do not experience, but she nonetheless wants to be independent, form meaningful relationships and live a fulfilling life “like everyone else”.
Ava taught me never to make assumptions about a person’s expectations or goals. She lives in complete alignment with her values, and her dignity commands from others the respect she rightly deserves.
Connection with others is one of the most fulfilling parts of life
Michael* is an intelligent young person with neurodivergence (autism spectrum disorder) and severe ADHD. He knows he receives less recognition (and therefore remuneration) and has greater work output than others in his workplace. He doesn’t fit in comfortably like the others. He knows he can be intense in conversations – overly focused on a topic and lacking awareness of the other person. He can come across as impatient or blunt, and sometimes, inadvertently, this causes hurt.
Michael has friends and a partner who value his unique qualities, genuineness and honesty. He continually strives to understand the differences between his and their thinking styles, determined to learn and strengthen the relationships. “In my assessment, my relationships are the most fulfilling part of my life and worth investing effort into,” he says. He could not have expressed it more logically or clearly.
Self-knowledge helps propel you through difficult times
Elle* is a First Nations woman. She grew up in a household affected by severe intergenerational trauma. She experienced childhood trauma, as well as depression and addiction from early adolescence. She has discovered her voice and power by expressing herself through creative writing – and this has helped her reclaim her narrative with grace and courage. While I help with her trauma-related anxiety, sleep and mood issues, her recovery is largely due to her thirst for self-knowledge and an unflinching desire to learn.
Making plans and setting aspirations for the new year in an uncertain, somewhat daunting future can feel almost impossible. I will take a lesson from these ordinary people who have shown extraordinary courage. The everyday victories are reason for celebration year-round.
*All names have been changed to protect privacy
Saretta Lee is a psychiatrist for children, adolescents and adults from Sydney
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In the UK, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org
