The Golden Globes just wrapped up, and despite 2023 being an amazing year for film, the reward ceremony was a huge mess.
The main reason for this was the terrible opening monologue from, stand-up comedian Jo Koy, who was tapped to host the night a mere two-weeks before the big event. To give him some credit, the Golden Globes had previously given prior hosts months to prepare.
To say his monologue bombed would be an understatement. It was the Oppenheimer of bad monologues, filled with the most hack and tired stand-up you could think of. It had everything from dick jokes, gay panic, and trashing his writers. He even insulted the audience, it was almost performance art.
Could this have been avoided? Unlikely. Before the event, CNN reported that Chris Rock, Tina Fey, Amy Poehler, Ali Wong, and Smartless podcast hosts Will Arnett, Sean Hayes, and Jason Bateman all turned down offers to host. Given the classic Oscar slap scandal, many have reported to be reluctant to host a massive event.
So if you’re reading this Golden Globes and Hollywood Foreign Press Association, here are my strong recommendations for who should host the Golden Globes moving forward so something like this never happens again.
The Muppets
I’m not the first to say it, but I’m sick of late-night comedians hosting awards ceremonies. It’s time we let The Muppets run the whole show. Just think about how fun it would be to see Martin Scorcese present an award with Gonzo. For Statler and Woldolf to riff on the nominees. To see the Fozzie Bear give the best monologue ever performed at an awards ceremony. A boy can dream.
Kevin Costner
You gotta give it to Kevin Costner. He saw Jo Koy kill the vibe at the Golden Globes with his monologue, and said “hold my beer”.
Kevin came to the stage with an almost Norm MacDonald-level energy, as he incoherently rambled through his bit and shut down any attempt from America Farerra to have on-stage chemistry. It was an absolutely brutal two minutes that felt like an eternity. Now imagine that for a full show.
Bob Odenkirk Pretending To Be Kevin Costner
The Golden Globes refuses to recognise Bob Odenkirk, so he’d probably get away with this.
Chris Nolan’s Peloton Instructor
Christopher Nolan‘s Peloton instructor was in the news lately after she had complained in her film music peloton class that his movie Tenet was a waste of time she’d never get back. She is the people’s hero and the only one to keep people awake during the mid-show dip.
Nathan Fielder
No matter what happens, you know it’ll be the greatest night in the history of television.
Joe Pera
Joe Pera would bring humility, warmth and joy to the Golden Globes. His monologue would touch on everything from the joys of apple pie on the windowsill, harmonising with your boys, and how his face has broken a thousand hearts. Everyone would stand and applaud, weeping at their newfound perspective on life.
Katt Williams
The opening monologue would be two hours long, and Katt Williams would spend half of it dragging Steve Harvey.
That One Guy From Your Local Open Mic That Has A Tight Five On Online Dating
He’s also working on a bit about airports.
Image Credit: Golden Globe/dcp / The Muppets / The Rehearsal / PLUMMCORP RECORDS
The post Here’s A List Of Celebrities That Should’ve Hosted The Golden Globes Instead Of Jo Koy appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .
