"I knew the day I buried PJ, I was losing Mikey," recalled a heartbroken mother who lost two teenage sons to suicide within 13 weeks in the last year.
As the first anniversary of PJ Matthews nears on New Year's Eve, his mother Patrice has revealed she has become involved with a new community group to help stop young people from dying by suicide.
17-year old PJ from Castlebellingham, Co Louth took his life on the family farmyard and just 13 weeks later, his 18-year-old brother ended his own life after being devastated by his close sibling's death.
"PJ was a character. He would push you to the edge and be the first to try new things," Patrice told LMFM's Late Lunch programme.
"He left school after fifth year because he was mad to work. He was great with his hands and could take anything apart and put it back together again, especially tractors and vintage tractors, which he loved.
"He'd take on any job and finish it completely. Last Christmas week, he went off shopping with his work bonus and he was in top form. We all sat together on Christmas Day and had the craic around the table on St Stephen's Day before he went off with his friends.
"We went out to my nephew's 30th birthday and we were all home before 10pm. PJ landed back with friends and started singing and playing the spoons that he had taught himself from the internet.
"Within an hour, something changed and he became very upset. He was inconsolable and wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I remember going outside to talk to him and I coaxed him up to the bed and I sat at the end of it.
"He then bolted up and said he had to go and clear his head. I followed him but saw he was walking up the lane to the farm behind the house. The yard lights were on and I thought his dad was up there with the cattle so I left him for five minutes.
"I then went up and found him in the medicine shed. I remember rubbing my hands on his face and his tears were tripping. I asked him to come back to house and he agreed.
"He walked on so I presumed he was ahead of us but when I got back to the house he wasn't there. I messaged him and he said he was on his way.
"Then I messaged him again and got nothing back so I said to his younger brother Bukie (Conor) 'I'm going up there, what's the Eircode of the yard?'
"I'd a sick feeling and just knew we would need an ambulance. As I was going through the gates of the farmyard, I saw the doors of the same barn I took him out of 10 minutes earlier closed. The light was on and I heard music.
"The minute I opened the door, he was right in front of me.
"I'll never forget the screams of Bukie and then I realised it was actually me screaming."
Emergency services arrived within minutes and PJ was transferred to Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital in Drogheda, where he died on December 31.
As they struggled to come to terms with their grief, devastation was to strike again just 13 weeks later when Patrice's eldest son Mikey took his own life.
Patrice added: "I knew the day that I buried PJ, that I was losing Mikey.
"They were born 13 months apart and were inseparable. I remember looking at Mikey when we had buried PJ in that graveyard and, seeing his devastation, I just felt there was nothing I could do for him. I'll never forget his face and the heartache that was in it.
"He was 18. I couldn't force him to go to a doctor or get help even though I spoke to him at length about it.
"On the day that he had died, I left to go to the funeral of a family friend who had died by suicide and, as I went out the door, I said 'I love you Mikey'.
"He rolled his eyes at me, laughed and said 'aye!"
Mikey went to see his best friend playing a football game and had come home and gone to bed when concerned friends called to the house after getting a message from him
"My partner Damien checked on him and Mikey said he was fine and asked him to call him at 6.30am for a new job he was due to start.
"That was at 11.30pm. At 11.50pm, my son Conor came running in the back door looking for help after he and friends had found Mikey in the same field where he had been fencing earlier."
Patrice admits that she worries for her other three children who are getting counselling on their grief.
"Bukie was there when both his brothers were found so I scourge his phone with calls and messages when he is not with me. If he doesn't answer, I’ll call his friends for reassurance that he is OK.
"Our house isn't the same anymore. Even the silence is different. Everything is different."
Friends Sandra and Patrick Byrne from local company Eliteform Manufacturing Ltd had the idea to set up SAFE Castlebellingham recently in order to provide a more localised 'on the ground' counselling service for anyone struggling with their mental health.
The concept has received huge support from the community who have offered their help and Sandra hopes that the SAFE model will be replicated by other communities.
"The whole community wanted to do something but we weren't sure what. Other services are fantastic but you need appointments to access the services," she said.
"Suicide doesn't do appointments. We reached out and two counsellors immediately volunteered their time.
"Now we are fundraising for a mobile unit which will move to different villages a few days each week and be on site for anyone who needs to talk. Even its presence will create awareness"
Donations can be made on the GoFundMe page Safe Castlebellingham.
If you or someone you know has been affected by the issues raised in this article please contact:
Samaritans helpline 116 123
Aware helpline 1800 80 48 48
Pieta House on 1800 247 247
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