Boxers will tell you that it's the punch you don't see coming that does the most damage.
Those are the blows that leave you flat on your back on the canvas.
Harry Arter knows the truth of that.
In December, 2015, Arter's partner and now wife, Rachel, lost their child, Renee, at birth.
The Ireland midfielder decided to go public on their loss, talking publicly about its impact in a number of interviews.
He had huge support from the football world, even getting a personal message from Pep Guardiola.
But what nags Arter now is that he wasn't there enough for Rachel.
"I felt like I had a lot more support mechanisms in the first four, five, six months. There was a lot more fuss made of me than of someone who wasn't playing football in the public eye,'' he said
"Two or three years later, that had an effect on my relationship with Rachel in a really negative way because I probably wasn't there enough for her, for sure.
"That is a massive regret that I have. She would have seen me getting me all the sympathy and her being on her own.
"That is often the case with men in these circumstances, it can be a really lonely place. Because I was a footballer, I was getting this support.
"When I felt alone - which was what my wife felt, and what men usually feel - that phase hit me about a year later. I really struggled. I felt that everyone forgot, that no-one cared. That's when it caused problems."
Arter came up the hard way in the game. He joined Charlton at seven but made just one senior appearance with the club.
He had spells in non-league with Staines Town, Welling United and Woking and it was his move to Bournemouth that proved to be the making of him.
They were a League One outfit when he joined, but he'd end up playing in the Premier League with them.
"We played Manchester United three days after Renee passed. We had a huddle in the tunnel before going out on the pitch and Eddie Howe brought a priest into the huddle to say a prayer for Renee,'' said Arter.
"I just felt that everyone was with me. It was an historic night for Bournemouth because it was the first time in the Premier League to beat a team like United, but I just knew that there was no way that we weren't winning that game.
"It was an incredible feeling. On the anniversary of that game, Bournemouth always put up clips on social media and it gives me a feeling I can't explain. I feel so lucky to have had that group of lads at that tough moment in my life. I'm so thankful to them for that."
There was almost a sense that football had wrapped Arter in a comfort blanket.
But the threads were frayed. Soon they would unravel.
"I remember we played away to Burnley on Renee's anniversary, and the whole crowd stood up and applauded,'' he said.
"I got such good support and understanding from everyone for such a long time that it was unsustainable - nobody could be like that with me forever.
"So it was a real false time for me, really, and I know for a fact that, when that stopped, my personality or my mood was in a place where I was getting away with things. My teammates or my manager would be thinking 'he must be having a bad day'.
"Eventually, it felt like a line was drawn under the entire situation. It probably wasn't done in their minds - 'this is it now, we've given Harry enough time' - but that's how I perceived it.
"Everyone treated me as if nothing had happened and I found that hard to deal with. I had resentment towards individuals and towards life, in general.
"The year after Renee's passing, I was playing better than ever before. I signed a long-term deal with Bournemouth that was life-changing for me and my family. The day I signed that contract, genuinely, my world came crashing down."
Arter pauses as emotion gets the better of him. He takes a moment and continues.
"I don't know why, sorry, I haven't spoken about this in a while. It's just tough. That moment for me and my family, that contract, all the faith that people put in me at Bournemouth, that should have been the happiest moment of my life.
"When I realised I'd achieved something that I thought would make my family and myself so happy, everything just came crashing down on me - this wasn't the feeling I thought it was going to give me.
"It just highlighted that there was something majorly wrong in my life, something missing. That was the point where it really took hold of me for a while, to be honest.
"I think people found it really hard to understand because, at this point, I wasn't talking about Renee, I never used that as an excuse for being down, I just got on with things.
"I'd signed a new long-term deal on good money and there were people who felt that I then wasn't bothering anymore. That was far from the case, I was really struggling.
"Thankfully, now, I've come through that phase. I had a bad time, both mentally and professionally, but I got things going again.''
Arter is 33 now and contracted with Nottingham Forest until next year, but he is not part of manager Steve Cooper's plans.
Scott Parker is a close friend. They were at Charlton together and Parker is married to Arter's sister, Carly.
Earlier this week, Arter and some friends went to watch Parker's Club Brugge lose to Benfica in the Champions League.
Having people to talk to, having the support of Rachel, in particular, has helped Arter greatly through the toughest of times.
"It's such a tricky thing to put your finger on. You are grieving a child that you've never met,'' he said.
"The initial pain and the initial sadness was...looking at the relationships I had with my brothers growing up, and seeing my friends and family with young children, and sad because you imagine how your family is going to be.
"You're not grieving any memories so it is a difficult sort of grief to ever explain and to get anyone else to understand.
"What highlighted the loss for me was when we had our daughter Raine 18 months later. That was the worst phase for me. I really struggled on an emotional level.
"On a general level too. My football suffered, for sure. My personality changed a lot. I saw this little baby and pictured what Renee would have been like, and I found it really tough then.
"I've got going again, I'm in a better place now."
NO-ONE wants to be part of this team.
But Féileacáin Fathers has helped them all immeasurably.
It's the football team of the association to help parents who've lost children to stillbirth or neonatal death.
They'll play their first game of 2023 next Saturday at 4pm in Cootehill, Co Cavan.
It's the Charli Mae memorial match. She was the daughter of former Dundalk kitman Dean Arrowsmith and his wife, Emily, who had a fatal heart defect.
He coaches in Chicago now and has put together a team to take on Feileacain Fathers.
"It doesn't matter if you get to hold a child or not, they're still your kid,'' said Arrowsmith.
"We want to give Charli a legacy. We got Charli cremated. We're coming back home to Ireland next week and will be taking Charli with us.
"It's ingrained within our society that men bottle things up and stay strong for the family in tough times.
"When it happens, you feel you're the only couple that's ever gone through it. Having the football team, you're with people who've gone through the same thing.
"You never forget the child you've lost. The football team gives you the chance to honor the child."
Dean plays for Charli Mae, Tony Owens plays for Arthur.
"It's not just losing a son, it's losing a future. You can just picture them - from holding your hand to the first steps to the first words to running off and getting married. You're losing a lifetime of things, you're not just losing them for those few days,'' he said.
"Myself and Claire didn't know where to turn when it happened. We heard about Féileacáin, went to the meetings and it was a great help.
"A few years later, we were approached by Sands, the UK equivalent of Féileacáin, and they asked us if we'd like to set up a football team.
"We put it out to the Féileacáin family to see if we could get 11 people and 36 fathers said they wanted to play.
"It's hard to get men to talk about their feelings but, when you can get a group together, have a kickaround and just be there in other people's company with no pressure to talk. If you want to talk about your child, you're more than welcome."
The Féileacáin Fathers team wear the names of their kids on the back of their shirts. There's a number too. All have the same number. Zero.
"We thought that it was very poignant because, ultimately, that's what we left the hospital with,'' said Owens.
Tony plays for Arthur, Mark Boland plays for Ben.
"Lorraine and I include Ben in everything we do. If we're getting teddy bears for the kids, we get a fourth one for Ben,'' he said.
"Even there on Valentine's Day, I get individual cards for the kids, and also get one for Ben. He is very much at the forefront of our minds.
"We get it out there that we had a son, that he did exist. Keeping his memory alive."
Pulling on the jersey with Ben's name on the back is almost overwhelming, according to Boland.
"It's poignant and it's powerful. The zero is there to show that he never got the chance to celebrate a birthday,'' he said.
"When you explain the significance of the shirt to people, it does resonate with them.''
Mark plays for Ben, Martin Smith plays for Stephen.
The others have a football background, he never really played much - but he loves what Feileacain Fathers has given them all.
"It's kind of a safe space for men. It's harder for men to let go of their emotions because they have this thing that they need to keep the family going,'' he said.
"In my case, I went back to work too early, kept going, kept working, and it really hit me after two years.
"I just found going to the football helped. You're around people who know what you're going through.
"After last year's big match, there were six of us who stayed on in the dressing room, just sitting there talking about the kids that we'd lost.
"I found that fantastic. I said my own piece. There was no pressure to do anything, it was a natural outpouring on the day that was in it.''
