Murder, screeching cars and shouting in the street: all ingredients of a traditional EastEnders Christmas. No matter how dysfunctional your own festive season is, you can always rely on the faaa-milies of Albert Square to make you feel better about life.
Rejoice, then, for all the EastEnders Christmas specials are dropping on BBC iPlayer. Let’s count down 10 of the finest …
10 Phil and Mel treat themselves (2000)
The first Christmas Day of a new millennium saw a Phil Mitchell-shaped treat for the former Mrs Beale. Clad only in a towel despite the nippy weather, Mel welcomed him into her kitchen. With the words: “You won’t know until you try, will ya?” the gravel-voiced grease merchant well and truly seduced Ian’s ex.
9 Archie Mitchell gets busted (2009)
Larry Lamb was a classic villain as Archie, who lied, cheated and sleazed his way around Albert Square. Daughters Ronnie and Roxy – plus of course Phil Mitchell – were among those in the frame for his Christmas Day murder, but the whodunnit fuelled months of storyline juice. Walford Cluedo alert: Stacey Slater, in the pub, with the Queen Vic bust.
8 Farewell Pauline Fowler (2006)
If there’s a Queen Vic party in full swing, there must be drama masked by the singalong. Which is how Pauline Fowler came to be lying in the snow under the Albert Square tree one magical Christmas night. “You’re the daughter of a scrubber” were among her final words after one last fight with Sonia. The ultimate fun-crushing Christmas moment saw Pauline collapsed after a fatal heart attack as the locals had a giddy snowball fight.
7 A child is born … in the Queen Vic (1998)
Like a stable but with booze, the Queen Vic gave shelter to a heavily pregnant Bianca Jackson, who went into labour after squawking at Grant Mitchell, “I ain’t having the baby for ages”. Which, in EastEnders terms, means any minute now. As Grant lit candles in an unusually tender moment, dad-to-be Rick-aaaaay arrived in time to deliver a son.
6 Sharon and Grant’s Christmas wedding (1991)
An EastEnders wedding that actually took place without drowning, bigamy or shenanigans? Grant surprised the future Mrs Mitchell with a short-notice ceremony that (nearly) went without a hitch. This classic episode was tinged with sadness as Mark Fowler broke the news he was HIV positive to his parents Pauline and Arthur.
5 Non-stop misery ensemble (2010)
Max Branning showing his nipples before the Christmas pudding’s been lit! Alfie and a heavily-pregnant Kat offering a good old-fashioned knees-up at the Queen Vic! Stacey doing a runner! This was a Christmas Day with a real sense of community. Which is why Janine was slamming Lauren against a brick wall and the Brannings were having a screaming match in Christmas hats. Pure tangled joy.
4 The Six (2023)
Last year saw the conclusion of a mighty whodunnit, when one poor man was murdered in the Queen Vic (yes, it’s a dangerous place). With Sharon getting married (yet again), she was in the frame, along with five more of Walford’s finest goddesses. The victim? Keanu. The killer? Only lovely Linda Carter.
3 Carter carnage (2014)
There was a whiff of ’80s glory about the Queen Vic when Danny Dyer’s Mick and Kellie Bright’s Linda were behind the bar. The landlord planned to propose on Christmas Day, but instead he discovered his sequin-clad sweetheart had been raped by evil Dean Wicks. Much simmering ensued, then it all climaxed with Mick upending the Christmas dinner table and walloping the perpetrator. Spoiler alert: the words “he’s your bruvva” were uttered.
2 A Christmas Sharongate (2004)
Revelations over the dinner table made this a classic. As Sharon breathily declared her love for naughty Dennis, battle lines were drawn and his fiance Zoe went for a full-on slapfest. Cue Dirty Den shouting: “SHADDAP-AND-STAY-OUD-OF-IT” and his long-suffering wife Chrissie Watts hollering: “Could you not have waited until after dinner?” Now that’s how you do Christmas Day in Walford.
1 Dirty Den’s gift of divorce papers (1986)
Dirty Den and Angie Watts laid the blueprint for toxic ’Enders marriages when the womanising gangster met his mistress of manipulation. Den’s gift to Angie that Christmas: divorce papers, after finding out she’d been lying about having six months to live. Thirty million viewers spat out their snowballs as they heard Leslie Grantham rasp the words: “Happy Christmas, Ange.” A soapy triumph that reigns supreme.
