Lewis Hamilton has admitted that he underestimated just how difficult his final season with Mercedes would be from an emotional point of view.
The seven-time world champion revealed at the start of the year that he would be leaving the German manufacturer for Ferrari, ending what will have been a 12-year partnership.
While it was hoped getting the news out early would allow Hamilton and Mercedes to put aside any future speculation and focus on delivering on track, the campaign has been much more challenging than both of them expected.
And Hamilton has confessed ahead of his final race weekend that from the moment of what he said was an “awkward” conversation with team boss Toto Wolff to tell him he was leaving, things have proved to be tense.
“I think ultimately I anticipated it would be difficult, but massively underestimated how difficult it would be,” he said.
“It was straining on the relationship very early on. It took time for people to get past it.
“And then just for my own self, it's been a very emotional year for me. I think I've not been at my best in handling and dealing with those emotions.”
Hamilton thinks that the scale of the difficulties he faced in dealing with things this year meant at times that people saw the worst of him.
“I think this year, and so many of you have been here my whole career, so some of you, I think, you've all seen the worst of me and seen the best of me,” he said.
“I'm not going to apologise for either because I'm only human and I don't always get it right. I definitely would say this year's been one of the worst in terms of handling that from my side, which I'll work on trying to be better at.
“But I hope the good and the highs far outweigh the negatives and how I've handled it or behaved.”
While recent results have not been what he nor Mercedes wanted, Hamilton says he will leave the team on Sunday only with memories of the highs.
“I just remember the good times,” he added. “I've built some incredible relationships.
“We've gone through [so much]. If you imagine, when you're going through a season together with so many people, you know, not only on those race weekends where you're riding the highs and lows together, but in their personal lives, through marriages, through divorces, through loss of family members, through cancer, through all sorts.
“You're going through these journeys with these people. So it's a really beautiful journey you go on together. And being that it was so long, the emotions run so deep.”
Speaking about what the abiding memory of his 246 races together with Mercedes would be, Hamilton singled out their win at the 2014 Bahrain GP.
“I think it's the smiles, when we've had the success,” he said. “I think it's those moments.
“I remember one particular engineer [Aldo Costa] at our win in Australia [actually Bahrain] in 2014. I just remember him being in tears when we were on the podium. It's those moments that I take with me. It's the emotions that we had in Silverstone this year. It's all the good bits.
“Naturally, you mostly remember the good bits. I'm just incredibly proud, but also just so grateful to every single individual, both that are here at the track, but also back at the factory that have just worked tirelessly and, you know, been supporting me for all these years from day one."
