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Halsey has opened up about suffering a miscarriage while performing on stage during a concert.
The “Closer” singer, 29, welcomed her son Ender with her former partner Alev Aydin in 2021 after being diagnosed with endometriosis, a condition which can cause heavy and painful periods, painful sex, and miscarriages.
Halsey, who uses she/they pronouns, revealed they had lost a baby when they were 20 years old but went ahead with a live performance despite bleeding in order to not to let fans down.
Speaking on the She MD podcast, Halsey told hosts Dr Thais Aliabadi and Mary Alice Haney: “I started miscarrying before the show. I knew and I was in a really tough position because it was really early on in my career, and there was a lot attached to the show.”
They continued: “There was a corporate partner, there was a greater media entity partner, but more importantly than that, to me, there were a thousand kids who waited all day long to get into this show and see me.”
Halsey revealed she had put on an “adult diaper” ahead of the performance, which was scheduled to last 45 minutes as she hadn’t released a large amount of music yet.
“I went and I did the show, I left stage, I threw up in the parking lot,” she recalled. “I went to a hotel and I was sick all night. I remember sitting in the bathtub because I just didn’t know what to do with all the blood.”
The following morning, the US singer boarded a flight to Canada for her next show despite “bleeding for hours” and remaining in severe pain as she wasn’t sure who to talk to about her miscarriage.
“I just felt so alone,” she admitted.
Halsey said the video of the performance was uploaded to YouTube. “You can watch me miscarry through a concert,” she said. “It’s funny because when I look at it now, I see myself just white and sweating, and my voice is different. My voice is guttural.
“I sound and look like a different person.”
The singer revealed she suffered another miscarriage in the same year as the one during her performance. “I remember thinking to myself, ‘I’m just 20 years old. I should be able to carry a baby,’” she said.
“I didn’t want to be pregnant. I was way involved in my career. I had a lot of complex feelings of relief, confusion, guilt and also grief. At the same time, I had a big, burning question in my mind: ‘Something must be wrong with me, because of all the times in my life where I should be able to conceive and carry to term, this is the age. What’s happening?’”
Halsey was diagnosed with endometriosis, which occurs when cells similar to the ones in the uterus lining grow outside the uterus. These lesions bleed (like what happens within the uterus during a period), but because the blood can’t escape, it can cause inflammation and scar tissue (adhesions) to form, as well as cysts.
In 2018, she said on stage at the Endometriosis Foundation of America’s Blossom Ball: “I can’t pretend that just because I’m a pop artist and I’m touring, that everything’s perfect and everything’s all good and my skin’s always great and I’m always fit and my outfits are always perfect.
“Sometimes I’m bloated, I’m on an IV, I’m sick, I’m on medicine, and I’m backstage, terrified that I’m going to bleed through my clothes in the middle of my show.
“That’s the reality of it.”
