Moving in with your partner is a big step. Not only because of what it means in terms of the relationship, but also because it’s a change that usually takes a lot of adjusting to.
For this redditor, as for most people, the change entailed having to make some financial decisions. She needed to make sure the savings she had would cover her part of the expenses for some months before she got a job. Her boyfriend, however, didn’t need to worry about money as much, which is why the OP was getting increasingly frustrated with his advice on budgeting.
Handling personal finances often requires hours spent budgeting
Image credits: demopicture (not the actual photo)
This woman was frustrated by her boyfriend’s advice on personal finance
Image credits: zamrznutitonovi (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Remarkable_Cow2557
It’s important to discuss how certain expenses will be shared when moving in with someone
Adjustments after moving in with someone entail more than learning how much pasta to cook for a specific number of people—something that’s impossible to get exactly right. Be it friends, partners, or strangers suddenly finding themselves under one roof, a lot of things need to be solved and agreed upon, including—arguably, most importantly—money, even if the dwelling’s residents’ finances are not shared, many of the expenses are.
The way expenses are shared and paid is a crucial thing to discuss before unpacking your bags; preferably, even earlier. Is rent paid in equal parts by everyone? Who covers the groceries or does everyone shop for themselves? Is toilet paper shared? If so, who buys it? So many questions can arise when people start sharing a home, which can get confusing if not discussed or agreed upon and may lead to headaches and arguments.
Even though clarity regarding how, when, and by whom expenses are covered can benefit everyone—friends, couples, and strangers—when sharing a home, the dynamics of each group tend to differ. Strangers might find it easier to set clear boundaries or demand that others pay their part than friends would, for instance, while couples might be less strict about what belongs to whom or who pays for what than strangers are.
But when it comes to couples, money-related discussions—even if they’re difficult or uncomfortable—are arguably even more crucial, as their commitment is usually a no-term ‘contract.’ If the way things are shared and paid for is not clear in the beginning, the relationship is unlikely to become easier later on, as household expenses and responsibilities increase.
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
For couples living together, dividing expenses 50-50 is not always the best option
The talk about finances and expenses before moving in together doesn’t necessarily have to end in the couple agreeing to split everything 50-50. Statistics suggest that many couples don’t. According to a survey carried out by the Thriving Center of Psychology, as much as 50% of coupled up people don’t split the mortgage or rent in equal parts.
Talking to Newsweek, Florida-based financial expert Vivian Tu, known to her online audience as “Your Rich BFF,” seconded the idea that a 50-50 split isn’t always the best way to go. “When one partner earns a lot more but insists on going 50/50, the person earning less is often forced to live beyond their means or sacrifice their financial independence,” she noted. “Over time, that breeds financial resentment.”
The expert continued to point out that “it is not about being equal—it is about being equitable and making sure no one feels financially burdened,” and suggested that for the well-being of the relationship, it’s important to have honest conversations regarding money, or, in her words, “get financially naked” with your partner. The Thriving Center of Psychology’s survey found that nearly a third of respondents wished that they had communicated their expectations more clearly to their partner before moving in together.
In the OP’s case, talking about money wasn’t exactly the problem, nor was agreeing on how to split the rent, as the netizen revealed that they had come to an agreement regarding the matter. It was the comments her boyfriend made and his overstepping that frustrated the woman. And while some netizens sided with the OP, others weren’t so quick to judge or blame her boyfriend. Both sides shared their thoughts in the comments.
Image credits: Lazy_Bear (not the actual photo)
Many people didn’t think the young woman was a jerk to her boyfriend
Some netizens shared personal stories about similar situations
Some people didn’t agree with the woman
