Sometimes you meet a person and know that you are gonna end up with them, while other times, it might take you years to realize it. Each person, however, has their own views about marriage, and while some are only too enthusiastic to get married, some flat-out refuse.
Just like the original poster’s (OP) partner—whom she has been with for the past 5 years—who refuses to give any commitment, whether it be marriage or anything financial. In fact, he also states that he would never leave her any inheritance if he passed away, even though she pays his mortgage!
More info: Mumsnet
When you meet “the one,” you can either know instantly or take years to figure out whether they are your soulmate
The poster has been with her partner for 5 years but he simply refuses to marry her or make any commitment
Image credits: Everythingwillbeokk
He even refuses to buy a house with her, as he only wants his own children to benefit from his estate if he passes away
Image credits: Everythingwillbeokk
Even though the poster pays his mortgage, he refuses to leave her any inheritance in the future, which really annoys her
Image credits: Everythingwillbeokk
When he coldly admitted that he would rather let her go homeless than give anything to her, or even commit to her, she put her foot down
In today’s story, our protagonist laments about her partner of 5 years who simply refuses to marry her as he only wanted to marry once, which didn’t work out. He even refuses to make any financial commitment to her, like buying a house, as he wants his estate to befall just his kids when he passes away.
To understand more about commitment issues among couples, Bored Panda got in touch with Eden Lobo, a counselor and psychology professor. She spoke about how inheritance concern is one reason that stands out with the guy in the story as he fears that shared commitments could dilute what he leaves behind.
“He might not see the relationship progressing toward traditional markers like marriage or shared financial investments. Shared commitments, especially involving property or finances, can create legal complexities he wishes to avoid,” she added.
The poster also informs us that she helps him with his mortgage, funds their trips, does all the housework, and ensures he returns home to a clean house as she works from home. In return, he said that he would not leave her anything when he passed away, even if it might make her homeless, but give his entire inheritance to his kids.
Prof. Lobo explained how it can psychologically impact a person when their contributions aren’t reciprocated or valued equally by their partner. She said, “A sense of being undervalued can cause emotional pain, as the partner may feel their efforts and sacrifices are dismissed. Unequal recognition can trigger doubts about whether they are truly loved or needed.”
Our expert also elaborated that differences in views on commitment can significantly impact the stability and satisfaction of a relationship in various ways, including emotional, practical, and relational dynamics. She claimed that this might spur a person into taking drastic measures.
This is evident as we see the poster giving an ultimatum to her partner, which many people online said was not a good idea. Despite the ultimatum, she found out how little the guy cared about her as he prioritized his kids and finances over her.
Prof. Lobo stressed that feeling secondary to a partner’s children or financial priorities can have a profound impact on a person, particularly in a blended family or relationship with complex financial dynamics. She noted that these effects often stem from feelings of exclusion, inequity, or unmet emotional needs.
The poster also told us that she had had enough and decided to leave, but as she doesn’t have a place of her own yet, she is staying with him for a few days until she finds one. As opposed to his behavior, she says that if he ever passed away, she would have divided the fortune equally amongst both their children.
This only sounds fair as she’s helping him pay the mortgage, and she even mentions that she would not have taken away any of the inheritance from his kids. Netizens found her partner abysmal due to his selfishness, but there were a few who pointed out that he was clear he didn’t want to get married.
Although they agreed with OP regarding the financial part, they said that she shouldn’t have expected him to change when he had decided beforehand. They felt that it was unreasonable of her to give him an ultimatum over it.
Many people also highlighted that ending things would be the best decision as he was getting everything he wanted—funds, a clean house, emotional support—and was using her as a maid, while she was left stranded. People even advised her to start looking for Airbnb or houses for rent, and she said that she was overwhelmed by the responses.
If you were in her place, would you pack your bags and leave or look for a different solution to fix the relationship? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
Folks felt that he was very selfish, so they advised her to stop paying his mortgage, while some even told her to leave him
