There’s a certain type of man women can’t stand—the kind who mistakes friendliness for flirting. And this Redditor just so happens to be that guy.
After meeting and spending time with his brother’s girlfriend, he started to catch feelings. She was smart, funny, and kind, and in his mind, way too good for his brother. But it didn’t stop there. He became convinced she was sending him signals, sure that her kindness was more than just being polite.
Despite Reddit warning him not to stir up trouble, he decided to confess his feelings anyway. What he didn’t expect, though, was for it to backfire spectacularly—becoming one of the worst decisions he’s ever made.
After spending time with his brother’s girlfriend, the man developed feelings and became convinced she felt the same
However, the signals he thought he was getting were all in his head
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwawayfriendo11
Why do men think women are flirting with them when they’re not?
Image credits: romeo22 / freepik (not the actual photo)
There are several different and concerning red flags in this story, but it does bring up a frustratingly common issue—some men often mistake politeness for romantic interest. Why does this happen?
Mons Bendixen, a psychologist from the Norwegian University of Science and Technology, explored this in a study published in Evolutionary Psychology. He identified two main theories behind the misunderstanding.
Error-management theory suggests men evolved to overinterpret signals from women, fearing they might miss a chance to reproduce. At best, they pass on their genes; at worst, they get rejected and move on. Women, however, may have evolved to be more cautious, as misjudging interest could result in pregnancy without support or losing better opportunities.
Social-roles theory, on the other hand, suggests these misunderstandings stem from societal norms. In cultures with less gender equality, men are more likely to misread signals. But in more gender-equal societies, the gap narrows.
To test this, Bendixen replicated a 2003 U.S. study on sexual misperception in Norway, a country known for its gender equality. He explained, “Norway is very sexually liberal compared to the USA. A Norwegian woman can play a more active and proactive part in the dating game than an American one without being subject to the same degree of derogation.”
The results were striking: 88% of women reported having their friendliness mistaken for romantic interest, averaging 3.5 times in the past year. Men experienced this too, but at a lower rate of 70.6%, supporting the error-management theory.
Unfortunately, some men still misread signals—but with self-awareness, they can learn to interpret behavior better. Or, at the very least, handle rejection with respect. Unlike OP.
Readers unanimously called the author a creep
Image credits: stockking / freepik (not the actual photo)
Against the readers’ advice, he confessed his feelings
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwawayfriendo11
All they had left to say was, “We told you so”
