Approaches to raising kids change and improve from generation to generation – which is why conflicts arise from time to time between parents and grandparents regarding the behavior and health of children. Especially when kids go to visit their grandparents quite often.
The author of the story we are going to tell you today, the user u/Superduppppy, also encountered inappropriate behavior towards his 10 Y.O. stepdaughter from her grandmother and, importantly, the wife in this conflict took the side of her mother rather than the husband and daughter. However, you decide who’s right and who’s wrong here.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post and his wife are raising two daughters, 10 and 6 years old
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The eldest daughter sometimes has troubles with her grandma, who’s unhappy with the girl’s weight
Image credits: Superduppppy
So the woman introduced a rule that the 10 Y.O. can eat only veggies and chicken while at her house – and told her off for sneaking a donut
Image credits: Morgan Vander Hart (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Superduppppy
After finding this out, the man couldn’t help but stop his car, call his MIL and tell her off
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Superduppppy
However, the guy’s wife unexpectedly sided with her mom, saying he owes MIL an apology
So, the Original Poster (OP) says that he and his wife have been together for about eight years, married for 5, and have two daughters. The eldest of them, now 10 years old, was born in the woman’s previous relationship, and the biological father of the youngest, 6 years old, is the author of the post. However, this does not make any difference to the man in his attitude towards the girls, raising both as his own daughters.
From time to time, the girls go to visit their grandmother, their mom’s mother, and conflicts periodically occur there. The thing is, the OP says, that his MIL is a strict advocate of a healthy lifestyle, has always been and remains slim, and strictly monitors the diet of both herself and her relatives.
In the comments to the post, the man said that his wife has some kind of eating disorder, which probably goes back to childhood, when her mother raised her the same way she is trying to raise her granddaughters now. The MIL introduced a rule for her house that the eldest girl is prohibited from any treats except vegetables and chicken – because the grandma is unhappy with her weight.
At the same time, the younger sister eats whatever she wants – but the grandma said that when the 10 Y.O. ‘loses weight, she can enjoy these things in moderation.’ That’s what happened this time – the grandmother bought donuts for the youngest girl, and the eldest snuck one and ran to her room. The MIL noticed this, rushed into the room and, finding a donut, made a whole scandal out of it, interspersed with lectures on the importance of proper nutrition. It is not surprising that when the dad arrived to pick up his daughters, the eldest looked upset.
Having learned about the reason for this family drama, the father could not stand it and, having parked the car near the local Walmart, called his mother-in-law and snapped at her, declaring at the end of the conversation that there would be no more unsupervised visits of the kids to her house. After that, the man took the girls to the store and bought them both some treats.
What upset the man even more was that in the evening, his wife rather took her mother’s side, demanding that her husband call her and apologize. Well, the OP had no problem saying sorry for his tone of voice, but after the quarrel, he considered himself completely right, claiming that his MIL’s behavior was traumatic towards the child. The wife, in turn, called him out for buying the girls treats literally for ‘disobeying’ grandma’s rules.
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
By the way, in the comments to the post, the Original Poster also said that during a confrontation with her grandmother, the younger sister sided with the elder one, and invited her to share her own donut. And when the author’s MIL banned this too, she refused to eat hers at all. So, by and large, both girls deserved a certain treat…
The man also clarified that his stepdaughter isn’t obese. Yes, she gained a little weight over Christmas and New Year’s, but the pediatrician recently didn’t make a note of it. Also, as the author of the post believes, his MIL definitely has some kind of resentment against the elder kid’s bio father, which is manifested in her attitude towards the girl.
Well, the vast majority of commenters only gave the OP a massive shoutout for behaving as he did, noting that he’s a decent and really great stepdad. Also, according to many people in the comments, if the pediatrician did not notice any problems with the girl’s weight, then everything is just fine. And therefore, the grandmother’s behavior does not have any compelling reasons.
In addition, as commenters are pretty sure, this is actually none of the grandma’s business, especially since her words towards the kid seem completely offensive and sound like pure bullying. “She doesn’t deserve an apology. You deserve an apology as well as the 10 year old,” one of the commenters wrote.
However, grandparents very often establish quite specific rules in their home – not only for kids, but also for their parents. So you can, for example, read this post of ours about a FIL who demanded that in his house, his daughter-in-law could breastfeed her baby only in the guest room – and nowhere else. By the way, if you also have something to say about this story, please join the comments section.
The man found unanimous support in the comments, as the people claimed it’s none of the grandma’s business, and she sounds rude here too
