Sometimes, it’s important to stand up to even your closest family members if you feel that they’re massively overstepping boundaries. Unfortunately, those kinds of confrontations might lead to some strong reactions that are difficult to deal with.
This is the situation a young man found himself in after publicly calling out his uncle for acting creepily toward his girlfriend. Things took a turn for the worse after that because the guy’s full family sided with his uncle and got mad that he’d create such a scene.
More info: Reddit
When someone makes another person feel uncomfortable through their words or actions, it’s important to get them to stop it as soon as possible
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster explained that he went to his family barbeque with his 21-year-old girlfriend and that over there, his uncle kept being too touchy and flirty with her
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The girlfriend felt extremely uncomfortable with the interaction and told her boyfriend about it, so he confronted his uncle about it publicly and called the man a “creep”
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The uncle got defensive, justifying his actions by saying that he was joking, and even the guy’s family felt that the public call-out was too much
Image credits: Nightwing_112
People at the party felt that the guy was jealous or exaggerating what had happened, and none of them sided with him
Instead of staying on the sidelines or keeping the peace, the OP decided to call out his uncle for acting suggestively toward his partner. He wanted to protect her and make sure that she didn’t have to deal with the discomfort anymore. The only problem is that his action of calling his uncle out publicly created drama with his family members.
It’s tough to know how to properly handle uncomfortable situations like this. That’s why Bored Panda reached out to Hayley Quinn, a dating coach for men and women who helps them get results in their dating life. Her work has been featured widely across international media, and she also has two published books and a TEDx talk that got 3 million views.
Hayley explained, “In order for women to feel safer and more comfortable, more men need to be ready to step up and intervene when they see creepy behavior. As a woman, it’s not always easy to advocate for yourself. Especially in this scenario where there’s a big power imbalance due to the age gap and because she’s at a barbeque with her boyfriend’s family.”
“Creepiness can also be easy to dismiss. When overbearing advances are minimized as a ‘joke’ or ‘just a bit of fun’, it diminishes the victim’s experience and makes it harder for them to advocate for their position. Whilst it was 100% the correct move to stop his uncle in his tracks, speaking to him 1-1 may have made it easier for his uncle to back down,” she added.
The poster must have reacted in anger and felt that he needed to take an aggressive approach to his uncle’s behavior. That’s why he loudly told him to “knock it off” and didn’t back down even when his family was displeased.
We also reached out to Brad Gage, a New York-based speaker, video producer, and mental health advocate, for his opinion on the situation. Brad educates himself and other men about how to embrace empathy and cooperation in their lives. He hosts the web series and podcast Real Feels, which focuses on men’s self-improvement and freeing themselves from harmful gender roles.
Brad explained that “for the sake of both the family unit and the uncle individually, I would have suggested that the OP talk to the uncle privately before moving to a public callout. This is mostly because it gives the uncle an opportunity and a safer place to apologize or understand the boundaries that were crossed on their own time and terms.”
“This is important in that it gives the uncle more of the benefit of the doubt that he did not realize he was being inappropriate. This helps to not initiate shame or shamed reactionary responses like lashing out emotionally or physically. It also allows less embarrassment for the OP’s girlfriend, as she’s already uncomfortable with what’s happening and could just want it to stop.”
Image credits: Mental Health America (MHA) / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It’s not easy to keep your cool in intense situations like this, especially if you feel the need to protect someone that you love. The uncle seemed to be disrespecting the woman’s boundaries despite her clear discomfort, so it’s not possible to know whether he would have stopped unless his nephew intervened.
Hayley explained that in situations like this, it’s important to “make a decision to say something. Many people do not like conflict; however, every time you allow inappropriate behavior to go unchallenged, you embolden the perpetrator. Secondly, keep your criticism as objective as possible, at least initially. Calling someone ‘a creep’ may backfire.”
“If someone is a perennial boundary pusher, they may disregard or challenge your opinion. Look out for them dismissing your concerns as ‘over sensitive’ or ‘you have no sense of humor.’ If this is the case, hold your ground and don’t allow them to undermine you and question your behavior.”
As it’s clear, publicly calling the uncle out as a creep might have worsened the situation. It also probably drew the family’s attention to what was going on and made the girlfriend feel embarrassed. Brad explained that “the word ‘creep’ evokes shame, and I’m not a fan of it. Labeling only further entrenches folks in shame and causes a cycle that repeats itself.”
“Men clearly are still learning about the rules and their place in society as the gender dynamic shifts away from the popularization of patriarchal mindsets. If you approach someone who is crossing a line with empathy, you will most likely get a better result. But, if a more one-on-one conversation does not work, then a public discussion about behavior is effective,” he added.
Although the OP did the right thing by confronting his uncle and protecting his partner, he probably shouldn’t have created a scene. Dealing with such matters in private would probably help solve things much better.
Let us know if you agree or disagree and if you feel the man should have done anything differently.
People were shocked by the uncle’s behavior and were grateful to the man for standing up to him
