Breaking up with a friend can be just as painful as ending a relationship with a partner. Sometimes even more so. And the healing process doesn’t happen overnight. When you lose a bunch of besties at the same time, the shock and sadness can be overwhelming.
A woman has shared how she got booted from her girls’ group, thanks to the mean “ring leader.” To make matters worse, the woman’s BFF didn’t stand up for her. But instead, proceeded to exclude her from birthday celebrations and get-togethers to avoid any awkwardness. The woman was completely taken aback when she recently received a wedding invitation from the same ex-friend that previously wanted nothing to do with her. She’s not quite sure what to do and has turned to the internet for advice. Bored Panda reached out to etiquette expert and author Rosalinda Randall for her take on the matter.
Receiving an invitation to a wedding is usually something to celebrate
Image credits: micheile henderson (not the actual image)
But when it comes from someone you’re no longer on speaking terms with, things can get weird
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: garetsvisual (not the actual image)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual image)
Image credits: Thr0wwitallaway
Why the woman should RSVP to the wedding, according to an expert
Avoiding to RSVP will only make you crazy, says Etiquette Expert Rosalinda Randall when we tell her about the woman’s predicament. She adds that it’s natural for her wonder why she and her boyfriends were invited to Kat’s wedding. “If you can’t accept it as a possible apology or a peace offering, then ask her,” suggested Randall.
“Hearsay about you being a bridesmaid is just that,” cautions Randall. “That friend should have kept it to herself for several reasons… She could have misheard. Kat could have been joking or casually tossing out names. Kat could change her mind about asking you. She took away Kat’s moment to make amends with you.”
Randall tells us that it’s inconsiderate not to RSVP, especially to an event where a body count is required. “As you decide which box to check, think about Kat and her day, not how awkward it’ll be for you,” she said. “Do you want to be there for her?”
She says if the woman does decide to attend, she should invite Kat for lunch or coffee ahead of the big day. This will help to avoid any possible awkwardness at the wedding. “You can express how surprised and happy you were to receive the invitation,” she added. “Then let her respond. The conversation could lead to releasing resentment and healing wounds.”
However, Randall says if the get-together doesn’t feel genuine. Or Kat’s responses are dismissive when it comes to what happened between the friends, the woman will instinctively know which box to check on the RSVP. “Send a nice card,” suggests Randall.
The Etiquette Expert says it can be weird to send a wedding invite to someone you haven’t spoken to in ages. She believes you should always ask yourself a few questions before doing this… Is this your way of extending a sign of friendship? Is it your way of apologizing or expressing regret for what happened? Is she just another gift-giver? Are you too nervous to make the first move?
“Prior to sending the invitation, Kat could have found a way to contact her to share the news about the wedding,” Randall told to Bored Panda. “Expressing how sorry she was about what happened between them but would like to have her present at the wedding.”
People shared their views in the comments, with some going as far as telling her to throw the invite in the trash
