Many people see getting engaged as making a lifelong commitment. It might be another year or two before the couple is actually at the altar, but saying yes is the first step in their journey towards marriage. So it can be absolutely heartbreaking when an engagement doesn’t work out. And it can be even more painful to watch your former fiancé move on within months.
One woman reached out to Reddit detailing how she found herself being pressured to attend the wedding of her ex and her cousin. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as a conversation with wedding expert Megan of Modern MOH!
One year ago, this woman was planning her dream wedding
Image credits: RDNE Stock project / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Now, she’s being pressured to attend the wedding of her ex-fiancé and her cousin
Image credits: Antonio Friedemann / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Fa Barboza / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cousin_ex_wedding
Image credits: Jeremy Wong / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“A wedding should be about moving forward, not revisiting the past”
To find out more about whether or not it’s ever a good idea to invite an ex to your wedding (or attend an ex’s wedding), we got in touch with Megan of Modern MOH.
“Inviting an ex to your wedding is a bold move, and not always in a good way,” the wedding expert shared. “Sure, it can work. But only if everyone involved is genuinely on great terms and there’s zero residual weirdness. This is possible, especially with exes of the distant past, but rare. And that doesn’t sound like the situation here, where this poster didn’t even know her cousin and ex were seeing each other!”
On the flip side, Megan says there are plenty of risks associated with inviting an ex. “You’ve got potential jealousy, awkward encounters, uncomfortable family members, and, really, nobody wants to be toasting champagne for someone they once cried over.”
“It can stir up old feelings (for one or both parties), and suddenly the vibe shifts from celebration to emotional chaos,” she continued. “Even if the bride or groom is chill about it, not all the guests may be. And if the current partner isn’t 100% on board, then it’s a definite no go.”
“The bottom line is that a wedding should be about moving forward, not revisiting the past,” Megan added.
So how can wedding guests respectfully turn down an invitation if they don’t feel comfortable attending?
“You are always allowed to say no to a wedding invite,” the expert shared. “Yes, even if it’s your cousin, even if your mom guilt-trips you, even if your family throws a fit. If attending would mess with your mental health or stir up unnecessary drama, it’s okay to put yourself first.”
Megan says the key is to be kind but firm. “Try something like: ‘Thank you for the invitation, I really appreciate it. However, after a lot of thought, I’ve decided it’s best for me to sit this one out. I hope it’s a beautiful day, and I wish you all the best.'”
Image credits: Felipe Cespedes / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“Watching an ex tie the knot can feel like a punch to the gut, even if you’re mostly over it”
“That’s all you need to say. You don’t owe a full explanation or a debate,” she explained. “Set the boundary and stick to it. If family pushes back, just repeat the message: ‘This is what I need to do for myself.’ They’ll get over it—especially once the wedding’s over and the drama dies down.”
Megan also pointed out that, since not one member of this family thought it decent to give this woman a heads up about the relationship and engagement, none of them are in a position to take the moral high ground.
The expert then provided some advice for anyone who might be in a similar situation.
“Watching an ex tie the knot can feel like a punch to the gut, even if you’re mostly over it,” Megan says. “So first, acknowledge that it hurts, and that’s valid. But don’t dwell on it.”
“Instead of spiraling, use this as a reason to refocus on yourself,” she recommends. “Mute their name on socials if you have to (and haven’t already). Avoid the ‘what ifs’ and focus on the ‘what nows.’ Pick one thing—whether it’s starting therapy, booking a solo trip, or just redoing your bedroom—and claim that space as yours.”
“Surround yourself with friends who get it, journal it out, binge a rom-com, and cry if you need to,” Megan continued. “Then, keep moving forward. Remind yourself that their wedding isn’t a reflection of your worth. You’re just on your own path, and it’ll lead to something way better than someone who’s already in your rearview mirror.”
Finally, Megan noted that weddings can bring out the best in people, but they can also bring out the messy. “Whether you’re on the guest list, the sidelines, or opting out altogether, do what’s best for you. Protect your peace, trust your gut, and never feel bad for setting boundaries.”
Many readers agreed that the woman has every right to skip the wedding
However, some readers found the author judgmental
After meeting up with her ex, the woman shared an update on the situation
Image credits: Gabriel Ponton / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cousin_ex_wedding
Readers continued to share support and encouraged the author to keep her distance from her cousin and ex
