With the wedding date set, Chris Law and Douglas Davidson set about planning the perfect romantic wedding.
The venue, they agreed, had to be Cromlix House, the opulent hotel owned by tennis star Andy Murray, where they’d had their first date and where they’d got engaged after Douglas went down on one knee holding out a solitaire diamond ring.
Every decision was based on tradition, with only one exception – whether Chris would walk down the petal-scattered aisle as himself or as “blushing bride” Fiona.
Chris is gender fluid. Born a man, he now spends much of the time as female. So, when it came the couple’s special day in September 2019, there was a dilemma to be resolved.
“Everyone had assumed I would arrive as Fiona,” said Chris, “because I spend about 90 per cent of the time when I socialise as female.”
Whichever he, or she, had chosen, was welcomed by bridegroom Douglas.
He said: “If that was what Chris had wanted, I would have been fine with his choice.
“I have married Chris, who is gender fluid, and I don’t like to think of them as two different entities.
“A lot of our friends thought Chris would be dressed as Fiona but he chose himself.
“I am proud of them both and I love them both, because they are my life partner.”
Chris, 37, and Douglas, 51, from Stirling, got together almost nine years ago after meeting on an online dating site.
It was the first full gay relationship for Douglas, the rugby-playing prison officer who feared he’d be rejected by his family if he came out or that, having been adopted by them, they’d be disappointed by the boy who’d been so grateful for the life they’d given him.
He said: “I slept with a guy at my college once but never did anything else until I was 38. I did try to deny my sexuality and I did have girlfriends but they never went on for long.”
Even though Chris had come out as a teenager, it wasn’t without problems. He said: “I was quite a feminine child and all my friends were girls.
“It was probably when I was 15 that I realised I was actually attracted to men. I spent most of my teenage years being ridiculed or bullied for being a flamboyant, feminine boy.
“I never had a relationship with my dad as I wasn’t the rugby-playing football sort of a son he wanted, so I grew up feeling like – and expecting to be – a disappointment.
My mum has always been a huge support, encouraging me to express myself and defending me from criticism or abuse. We’ve always been extremely close.
“I spent years in therapy and counselling, many years sedated by anti-depressants, before I could actually say that. I can discuss it now because it’s in the past – but it took me a long time to accept being gay.”
Chris, a social care officer, had had two long-term relationships before Douglas but said both were “terrible messes” which left him not wanting to be with anyone at all.
But he added: “I started chatting to Douglas and, while I tried to keep him at arm’s length for a few months, I soon realised he was nothing like my previous relationships. In fact, he was the only person I could ever really see a future with.”
Gender fluidity had never been something Chris had considered until about year into his relationship with Douglas.
He said: “I had always dressed for Halloween or an event like a stage show but it was almost like a cabaret. I had, though, always been interested in the trans world and I have quite a few friends who are transgender.
"Some of them have completely transitioned and some live as I do, as gender fluid.
“It took me a long time to realise that it wasn’t something I was doing as a mask, to cover myself up.”
Douglas was more than happy to support his choice.
He said: “We have a friend who is gender fluid – Rachel, who was our bridesmaid – and I have been involved with the LGBT community and helped a person transition to a woman. So it didn’t shock me or bother me.
“I don’t feel any different whether I’m with Chris or Fiona – although I’m probably more protective when she’s Fiona because of some people’s opinions of gender-fluid people.
“I don’t even ask whether I’m going out with Chris or Fiona – all I do ask is what he is going to be dressed in to make sure there’s time to get ready.”
Chris stressed that, while it can be for some people, being female is not a sexual thing for him.
He and Douglas are gay men, both attracted to each other. He said: “Douglas appreciates how I look when I dress female but it’s not a case of coming home and going in the bedroom. It’s completely separate.
“He knows I have always liked make-up. I like to dress up, I have always been flamboyant.
“A lot of friends don’t understand. Most people thought I was transitioning – at one point even I wondered if I was unhappy with my body. But I’m happy and gender fluid which, although it became the new buzz word, seemed to fit for me.
“Rachel has always been a close friend and she helped me buy clothes online initially.
"In the early days, we’d meet at the Polo Lounge Club in Glasgow and I’d take a bag of clothes and get changed in the toilet – let’s just say the look wasn’t as pretty back then.
"I’ve thankfully learned more make-up skills but it was gradual. I get a lot of compliments from people, a lot from straight guys who are curious.
“Socially, I’m Fiona 90 per cent of the time, as I’ve become more comfortable and realised I wasn’t going to be burned or chased with a pitchfork by the local people.
“I was nervous discussing my gender with colleagues as many had seen pictures on Facebook but hadn’t asked questions for fear of offending me.
When a few people did, I explained about being gender fluid and it gave me the option of being both male and female. I now attend most work functions happily as Fiona.
“I’m quite convincing from a distance but I’m not completely unrealistic. I mean, I go out in a frock.
“I see people standing in a corner and sniggering but, while in the past I might have burst into tears and run away, now I look them straight in the eye and it’s they who, nine times out of 10, will turn away, embarrassed that I’ve seen them and called them out.”
It was perhaps surprising to friends that Chris chose to walk down the aisle as a man, albeit with slightly more flair than most – he wore a bespoke silk-blend peacock blue suit with a jewel-encrusted floor-length train and handmade silk waistcoat with tails.
He also chose to wear full make-up, carefully applied by a specialist make-up artist.
But as much as Chris is determined to live life as he wants, both he and Douglas are ever respectful of their family and Chris’s young sons.
He said: ‘I think everyone knew our wedding would be a little diverse but with family and some friends, it’s never really needed to be discussed.
“My two sons Ruben, six, and Leon, four, were ring bearers. I wanted them to see Daddy Chris as they knew him.”
Chris was a sperm donor for friends Jessica and Rachel about a year before he and Douglas met. Both women are the boys’ parents but Chris is close to them and he and Douglas see them regularly.
He said: “Children don’t grow up with hatred and judgment.
We went to Leon’s christening and Ruben’s nursery teacher came in and he shouted, ‘This is my Daddy Chris and Uncle Douglas and we’re staying with them at their caravan’. My heart could have melted.”
Chris and Douglas said elderly relatives have surprised them with their acceptance too. In particular, Douglas’ dad, Alastair, now 92.
Chris said: “My brother-in-law had shown him a picture of Fiona and the next time we went to visit, he said, ‘I saw that picture and you were looking great.
"In my war days there were a few chaps who used to live as female and hats off to you Chris’. I was gobsmacked.”
The pair are enjoying married life and only regret that their day passed far too quickly.
Chris said: “The atmosphere, the diversity and the love felt by everyone during the ceremony was lovely.
“Marriage has brought a renewed warmth and making our commitment official was as important as it was wonderful and that doesn’t change whether I’m Chris or Fiona.
“Gender fluidity doesn’t define me.”
