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National
Nicole Goodwin

Grieving parents heartbroken over fears council could remove baby memorials at Saltwell Cemetery

Bereaved parents have been living in fear that their babies' memorials could be "destroyed and taken away" amid plans to maintain a Gateshead cemetery.

Plots at Saltwell Cemetery's children and baby garden bring comfort to many families who have tragically suffered the loss of a child.

And many grieving parents take pride in decorating their babies' final resting place with teddies, ornaments and colourful borders.

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But now they fear their memorials could be removed after a sign was placed in the baby garden asking parents to "remove all unauthorised memorial items", adding that "unauthorised memorials and borders are not permitted."

Kirsty-Lee Wilkinson, who lost her son Tommy at 22 weeks after his heart stopped, said: "My son only died four weeks ago and he's only been there for about three weeks.

"I've spent all that time trying to do his plot up as nice as possible, like all of the others, and then seeing that sign felt like I was losing him all over again. I've felt ill about it and I'm so worried about it.

"I've been reading stories online about it happening in other places and it says the memorials have just been thrown in the bin.

"I've been really worried that the same thing is going to happen to me. It's been quite traumatising."

Kirsty-Lee Wilkinson at the memorial to her baby son Tommy in the Baby Garden at Saltwell Cemetery in Gateshead (Craig Connor/ChronicleLive)

Baby Tommy was buried in Saltwell Cemetery's baby garden on Christmas Eve after Kirsty-Lee chose the area because she felt that the garden was a "beautiful" environment.

She has taken pride in decorating Tommy's plot while she waits for his headstone to arrive, which could take up to six months.

The 29-year-old, from Deckham added: "The only thing that I have of my son now is that baby garden.

"We've paid £500 for the plot, then to be told that we can't have certain things it makes you wonder what you're actually paying for.

"Decorating the plot is the only thing that us bereaved parents can do for our child now. We should be buying prams and doing their nursery out.

"But all we can really do is decorate their little memorial and make that look nice.

"It makes us feel like we're still parents and we're still giving to them in some way and celebrating them. I think that's why it's hit us so hard."

Rebecca Cawley at the memorial to her baby son Russell Cole Buglass in the Baby Garden at Saltwell Cemetery in Gateshead (Craig Connor/ChronicleLive)

Parents first became concerned about the future of their babies' memorials after spotting a sign fixed to a wooden pole in the baby memorial garden.

It reads: "Gateshead Council are planning on laying new grass in this area. Can you please remove all unauthorised memorial items at your earliest convenience?

"Unauthorised memorials and borders are not permitted."

Kirsty-Lee said: "The poster was literally just tied to a stick in the middle of the baby garden for people to see, even though the council have all of our names and contact details.

"The way it was done just felt so impersonal and insensitive, especially given what we've all been through and the reason why we're there."

Further concerns about the baby memorials were raised when a number of parents claimed they had contacted the council to be told that headstones were the only thing permitted at a plot.

Bereaved mum Charlotte Birdsall said: "When I bought the plot the council had already refused me a certain kind of headstone - a cast acrylic headstone - which would have been cheaper.

"But they actually said that the border was fine as long as I didn't put the headstone down.

"We've paid for a plot but we're still being told what we're allowed to do which is quite frustrating because you think 'what am I actually paying for if I can't decorate it how I want to?'"

Charlotte lost her son Lee Jnr when she was 30 weeks pregnant after his umbilical cord had developed a clot because the cord was "too long" for the placenta to get the blood to him.

She paid £411 for her son's plot in June 2019 and with the help of a fundraiser Charlotte was able to decorate her son's plot in a way that felt special to her.

Lee Jnr's memorial includes a book as a headstone and a border featuring Stitch from Disney's Lilo and Stitch, along with a quote from the film: "Ohana means Family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten."

Charlotte Birdsall at the memorial to her baby son Lee Jnr in the Baby Garden at Saltwell Cemetery in Gateshead (Craig Connor/ChronicleLive)

The 25-year-old, from Leam Lane, said: "We've already been through enough with losing our child, so to then have this added pressure that if the council decide we can't have something, then we can't have it. It's really stressful.

"I understand that some people don't look after their graves, but that's about 1-2% of the whole baby section and that might be because it's really difficult for them to come down.

"It might be because it's so painful for them to come down and remember what they've been through."

Following the notice at the cemetery, bereaved mum Ashleigh Thompson set up a petition demanding that the council refrain from touching memorials without the permission of the plot owner.

Within three days of launching the petition it had received almost 2,500 signatures, with people demanding that graves remain untouched.

The 38-year-old said she paid £500 for a plot for her daughter Jess in November 2019 after she tragically passed away following a routine operation at the age of two. An inquest into her death is expected to be held in April.

Ashleigh said: "All the parents have been in a panic that the council is going to just come and just take the memorials because they didn't give a date on the notice.

"A couple of the memorials are overgrown, but most are well maintained so it's not fair on parents to cause that panic."

Left to right, Kirsty-Lee Wilkinson, Rebecca Cawley, Rebecca Pearson and Charlotte Birdsall at the Baby Garden in Saltwell Cemetery, Gateshead (Craig Connor/ChronicleLive)

Ashleigh added: "They've also crammed the babies in too close together.

"They're saying that they can't get in to maintain the gardens, but that's their fault for cramming them in all together.

"The graves aren't in straight lines either so if they did want to get a grass cutter in they wouldn't be able to anyway."

A spokesperson for Gateshead Council said: "Gateshead Council have recently placed signage in a small section of Saltwell Cemetery, politely asking families to remove unauthorised memorial items.

"This is to enable the maintenance of the site, including grass cutting, reseeding, and the laying of new turf where required.

"While we are sympathetic to the placement of memorial items, they are making it increasingly difficult to access the area with lawnmowers and strimmers, and we want to avoid damaging any ornaments or borders placed around the grave sites.

"They are also causing access issues for visitors with limited mobility."

They added: "We are asking families to remove any memorial items at their earliest convenience, and no deadline for doing so has been applied.

"This does not include the placement of flowers. Gateshead Council will not remove any items without permission.

"We maintain all our cemeteries so they are accessible to all, and in order to do so we must landscape the grounds on a regular basis, particularly during the growing seasons.

"We apologise for any undue distress caused by this action. We only want to maintain the area for the benefit of families and visitors to the site."

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