A devastated mother has been left 'insulted' after her baby's headstone was removed from a graveyard. Thornhill Cemetery in Cardiff has confirmed they took down the memorial put in place for little Aiden Gupta because it breached height restrictions.
Mrs Tra, a health care support worker at Heath Hospital gave birth to Aidan on May 16 who was tragically born with a defect in his diaphragm and fluid in his lungs passed away from his illness on June 12. She and Ankit Gupta organised for a headstone to be placed at their son's grave but three months later the cemetery abolished the memorial because they said it exceeded maximum height in the babies section.
Wales Online reports the insensitive decision has "hurt and upset" the family, as the 38 year old mother added: "It was not harming anyone, it doesn't make sense. People should be able to freely order whatever they want. It's a cemetery and everyone wants to remember in a different way."
A Cardiff Council spokesman backed the decision by arguing there are height restrictions put in place in the babies section "to ensure families who have little access to funds know that their baby can be commemorated in the same way as a family with unlimited funds".
He added the council apologised about "any upset that the Gupta family have experienced" and will "look to work with the family on plans for a permanent memorial". In June, Ankit Gupta signed a burial form consenting that unauthorised memorials would not be allowed but Mrs Tra insists the family were not aware height restrictions meant their baby's headstone would be removed.
They turned down options offered by the cemetery which consisted of an arc top or heart shaped headstone in either black or white. Instead, the couple ordered a dark glass one with a blue teddy bear on top with a moving inscription that read: "Our loving son... You stay in our hearts till eternity and beyond.
"You are and will remain our first son little pumpkin. Thank you for coming into our lives and making it beautiful."
Mrs Tra had been regularly visiting Aiden's grave, sometimes two or three times every week but in late September when she travelled to Thailand to visit her family, the cemetery removed Aiden's memorial. Shortly after Mrs Tra returned home to Cardiff in early November, she discovered the headstone was missing when she visited her son's grave.
The council said the family were informed on the day it was removed but Mrs Tra argues she didn't know it had been taken away. "I went to the cemetery office and I was crying," she said.
"A man came out and said it did not match the rules and regulations because it was too tall. So many people said it was such a beautiful memorial.
"People who were visiting their own children would say that to me. Now when I go there it is completely empty. It says nothing about my son."
Mrs Tra has said the cemetery's hurtful decision is an 'insult' to her son's grave and she described the extreme distress she experienced upon noticing the headstone was gone as was left struggling to breathe.
"It is breaking my heart. We are already going through so much.
"The grief will be with me all my life, but I went to Thailand to try to feel better. I saw my brother and sister, I cried with them, and I was feeling better. When I saw this it all came back again."
The council spokesman said: “The loss of a child is always deeply tragic and we understand that the family in this case are distressed that the gravestone they chose has been removed.
"Unfortunately, in this instance there appears to have been a breakdown in communication with the family. Our rules and regulations on memorials in this part of the cemetery are clear and the family’s funeral directors should have explained those regulations to them at the time.
"We work with all the funeral directors in the area so they are aware of rules and regulations on memorials." Mrs Tra believes the cost of the family's headstone was similar to that offered by the cemetery.
The council spokesman said: "To protect grieving families all memorials in the babies section of the cemetery have to be authorised, ordered and supplied, via our Bereavement Services team. This is done at cost price and individual designs are developed with a trusted supplier.
"These memorials cost £360 standard or £540 for a heart shape. However, families who have lost a child under 18 are also entitled to a £500 grant from Welsh Government which we will arrange.
"Our policy is to remove any unauthorised memorials as soon as staff become aware of them, and the family is then immediately informed. These memorials are then placed in safe storage until they can be collected by the family.
"We are sorry about any upset that the Gupta family have experienced and we will now look to work with the family on plans for a permanent memorial to their child.”
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