Everyone aspires to have a harmonious, loving relationship with their spouse’s family. But if life throws a curveball, you may get entitled in-laws with zero respect for your boundaries.
Today’s story is about a poor woman currently dealing with this type of difficult situation. After her parents-in-law caused her a stressful childbirth, she refused to let them see their newborn granddaughter. However, it led to what she described as a “smear campaign” from her husband’s family.
Upset and fed up, she now turns to the AITAH subreddit to know whether she was out of line.
Dealing with disrespectful, entitled in-laws can be exhausting
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A woman went through a stressful childbirth because of her husband’s parents, who had no respect for her boundaries
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She refused to let the rude grandparents see her newborn daughter
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But it only caused more stress and tension
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Some toxic behaviors from in-laws can go unnoticed
The author’s in-laws aren’t hiding their sense of entitlement. However, for other families, these behaviors could be masked by passive-aggressiveness.
As cognitive-behavioral psychologist Dr. Terri Bacow told the blog site Scary Mommy, snide remarks like “Grandma makes healthy meals!” from a mother-in-law may seem harmless to the grandchildren. However, they likely won’t sit well with the parents.
In some cases, in-laws tend to treat grandchildren the exact opposite of how their parents do. Dr. Bacow describes this approach as “backseat parenting,” a silent way to cast judgment and overstep boundaries.
Given the underhanded nature of such behaviors, Dr. Bacow recognizes how complicated such situations can be.
“In general, it is difficult when an in-law lacks self-awareness, engaging in toxic behavior but appearing completely unaware of the impact of their actions.”
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Drastic measures are sometimes necessary when dealing with toxic in-laws
As supposedly sensible adults, ironing things out through mature dialogue should be move number one. But drastic measures may be necessary in the author’s case, where she’d been blatantly disrespected both in real life and online.
According to author and educator Dr. Yvonne Fulbright, it all begins with “healthy selfishness.” It could be as simple as excusing yourself from family gatherings where the toxic in-laws are present.
“You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of a situation,” Dr. Fulbright wrote in Psychology Today.
The author immediately began limiting her in-laws’ involvement in her life the moment they crossed her boundaries, which Dr. Fulbright recommends. She likewise emphasized exerting the right to a peaceful family life, with everyone around being “a positive and supportive presence.”
“Nobody has the right to make your life miserable, and only you can make sure of that,” she wrote.
Based on her account, having a healthy relationship with her husband’s parents seems unlikely. She did the right thing by distancing herself without showing the same level of disrespect.
What do you think, dear readers?
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Most commenters sided with the author
