Let's play a game. I'm thinking of a ludicrously unrealistic stop-motion animation character who seems baffled by everything he encounters and can only communicate in a string of garbled hoots and grunts and squeals. Who am I thinking of? Pingu? No. Gordon Ramsay.
It seems nightmarish – but according to US entertainment paper Variety, it could actually be true. Buyers at next month's Mipcom international TV sales convention will have the opportunity to snap up an animated show called Gordon Ramsay, At Your Service . Yes, you did read that right. An animated Gordon Ramsay TV show. According to the Canadian animation house Cuppa Coffee Studios – which is also, tantalisingly, responsible for Celebrity Deathmatch – Gordon Ramsay, At Your Service will "take the essence of who [Ramsay] is and have a bit of fun with it". In short, we're all doomed.
Or are we? While this news undoubtedly spells the end of Ramsay's reputation as a serious, well-respected culinary figure, you have to admit that the possibilities for the show are endless – Gordon Ramsay has, after all, been something of cartoon character for years.
The success of the show will probably depend on which Gordon Ramsay it decides to portray. A series based on Gordon Ramsay from The F-Word could be fun – episodes could revolve around him sending an animated Janet Street-Porter out to kill and eat Postman Pat's cat or a Teletubby, for instance. And a series based on real-life Gordon Ramsay might be worth watching – each week he will presumably grow more disillusioned at the falling reputation of his restaurant empire and slowly become tempted by the idea of selling out completely and making an animated version of himself.
I'm not sure I'd want the show to be about Hell's Kitchen Gordon Ramsay, though – but that's because I live in Britain and would therefore end up watching a cartoon about Marco Pierre White, who took over in the celebrity cooking-fest. But that's just me.
But regardless of how Gordon Ramsay, At Your Service turns out, history does seem to be against it. Although a stop-off on The Simpsons has become a mandatory activity for celebrities over the past few years, appearances are usually limited to brief cameos in single episodes. Being able to sustain the animated shtick over an entire series is a different matter entirely. Both Andre 3000's Class Of 3000 and Gene Simmons's My Dad The Rock Star burnt out after two seasons, and the less said about the monstrosity that was Hulk Hogan's Rock 'N' Wrestling the better, frankly.
So can a show about a craggy ball of plasticine with a dirty mouth outlive its rickety premise and beat the odds? I for one hope so, because once Gordon Ramsay realises that he can make money from an animated TV show, then statistically it won't be long before he cashes in completely and decides to make a novelty hip-hop album. Complete loss of integrity. Done.
