In recent years, the Golden Globes has been notable for its earnestness. Winners have used their speeches to make political points, or wax lyrical about the vision of their directors (which Cillian Murphy did this year for Oppenheimer director Christopher Nolan, though he inserted a sly dig at the same time to keep us awake).
Not anymore. The 2024 revamped Globes were notable for their studious avoidance (mostly) of politics and other issues-with-a-capital-i, possibly out of mild embarrassment about the fact that it was happening at all after the flurry of scandal a couple of years ago. Still, at least some people were funny. This is our pick of the quotes.
Robert Downey Jr
Picking up the Best Supporting Actor gong for his role as Congressman Lewis Strauss in Oppenheimer, he told the audience "Dozens of folks have come up to me since the summer time saying I was unrecognisably subtle as Lewis Strauss. To my fellow nominees, let's not pretend this is a compliment."
Cillian Murphy
Collecting Best Actor for the same film, Murphy lavished warm praise on his director, Nolan – with a twist. "I knew the first time I walked on a Christopher Nolan set that it was different. I could tell by the level of rigor, the level of focus, the level of dedication, the complete lack of any seating options for actors that I was in the hands of the visionary director and master.”
He also noted that his fellow countrymen (including Barry Keoghan and Andrew Scott, both nominated in his category) were doing well. "To all my fellow nominees, whether you're Irish or not, you're all legends, I salute you." In a line that didn't make it onto the telecast, he called himself "the luckiest feckin' man alive".
Lily Gladstone
OK sure it wasn't funny but who could begrudge the Killers of the Flower Moon star her heartfelt acceptance of the Best Actress in a Drama award? Especially when the actress, the first Indigenous woman to win the award, opened by speaking a few words in the Blackfeet language, in which she is not fluent but means a great deal to her. "You say your name, you say where you're from, and you say hello, to everyone, hello my friends," she explained later.
Daniel Kaluuya, Hailee Steinfeld and Shameik Moore
After a summer and autumn of strikes, the Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse trio did a mischievous – and pointed – bit ahead of presenting the award for Best Motion Picture Screenplay. “To demonstrate the importance of writers and writing, we asked that this segment be written not by writers, but by studio executives,” said Kaluuya, before they launched into a cringy exchange designed to sound like it was written by AI.
"What is up Shameik?" he asked, awkwardly. "Not much, Daniel,” Moore replied. “How are you, Hailee?”
Steinfeld: “I am… relatable. I am enjoy the Golden Globs. Do you agree?”
Kieran Culkin
The Succession star, who won Best Actor – TV Drama for his role as Roman Roy, went in with a very on-brand start for his character by burping and then apologising for his indigestion. "I’ve blown it already, Jazz," he said, addressing his wife. "You were right. You said, ‘Just say thanks and leave’. You were right.” He then gave a shout-out of sorts to his fellow nominee Pedro Pascal with "Suck it, Pedro! Sorry! Mine!" (the smiling Pascal was gracious, pretending to cry when the cameras immediately honed in on him).
Matthew MacFadyen
Culkin's Succession co-stars Sarah Snook and Matthew MacFadyen both picked up gongs on the night. MacFadyen was particularly funny, saying "I just adored every second playing the weird and wonderful human grease stain that is Tom Wambsgans,” to a hail of laughter. “Tom Wambsgans CEO, I should say God help us,” he added.
Jo Koy
Everything about the barely-known comedian's opening monologue was weak, from making Meryl Streep do the "Wakanda Forever" salute (bit old) to throwing his writers under the bus when it became clear that nobody was laughing – a curious choice just after the end of the strikes. But perhaps the weirdest line was when he said "The Color Purple is what happens to your butt when you take Ozempic," which was neither funny nor accurate and fell deafeningly flat.
