Glamorous is, in mere factual terms, a new 10-part frothy drama from Netflix about a young, makeup-obsessed queer man called Marco (Love, Victor’s Miss Benny), who lands the job of his dreams when beauty mogul Madolyn Addison (Kim Cattrall) plucks him out of mall-makeover obscurity and makes him her second assistant on the grounds that he and he alone knows what the modern customer wants.
In non-factual terms, Glamorous is the thing Kim Cattrall chose to do instead of the first season of And Just Like That, the reboot of Sex and the City – the show that made her name but on which it seems her life was made a misery. She is said to be making an appearance at the end of season two, probably as the recipient of a phone call from Carrie or maybe in holographic form or some other manifestation that did not require her to be on set with any of her co-stars again. The rumours and gossip have been tremendous fun – and the fact that Glamorous is dropping on the same day as the new series of And Just Like That is a nice twist of the knife by Netflix.
It would have been even better, of course, if Glamorous had been any good. That’s what we needed: Cattrall returning to the screen in majestic form, showing us what she can do when unleashed from Samantha’s prime penis directive.
Alas, Glamorous is largely a bust. It is derivative, taking bits from Glee, Gossip Girl, The Devil Wears Prada, A Star Is Born and every wish-fulfilment fantasy in between. Which would be fine if it captured the lightness and fun of any of its predecessors. The first step might have been to cut at least 10 minutes from every episode and run it at the tight half-hour it is begging to be.
As it is, Marco, who is presented as a sort of earthbound angel, ditzily picks his way through his first days and weeks at work. He is hated on sight by Madolyn’s musclebound jock son Chad (“I’m gay,” he tells Marco, looking his high-heeled lipglossed new colleague up and down in disgust, “but I’m not – gay.”). Oh, I hope someone will teach him to open his mind and let go of the fear that is causing him to engage on such hostile terms with the world! Mummy’s boy – and director of sales – is keen for her to sell to a global beauty brand and make them both “ugly rich”. Madolyn is unsure because, you see, Madolyn used to be a model and built her company out of nothing because “people told me I couldn’t” so, you know. Pioneer. Pride. Legacy. All that.
We also have the fearful but ultimately good-hearted first assistant Venetia (Jade Payton), who spurns Chad’s offer to bring down the new boy and helps him find his feet instead. There is a shy love-interest, Ben (Michael Hsu Rosen), whom we spend too long every episode watching being inarticulate around Marco, and forthright lesbian Britt (Ayesha Harris), who seems to be there only to encourage Ben to breathe and speak to his idol. There is a not-shy love interest, Parker (Graham Parkhurst), who hasn’t done much more than go to the gym and tell Marco that he’s not interested in playing games, but maybe he will reveal hidden shallows. And there is Alyssa (Lisa Gilroy), who is in charge of social media content. She is a Mean Girl, yet cannot help but warm to Marco.
What we do not have is anything for Cattrall to do. Madolyn is a limp nothing – not a fierce businesswoman, not a stormingly creative force, not strong, not magnificently cold or cruel or, more subversively, warm and brilliant. Cattrall looks bored out of her mind. Why recruit a gay icon to a gay show and not use her? It’s baffling.
She/Madolyn could have been a catalyst for making something of a series that is otherwise just full of characters telling each other to be brave and be themselves, and actors trying to make lines such as “I’m flopping like a Katy Perry single” and “You’re so focused on what people want you’ve forgotten what people need! Love! Light! Inspiration!” work. Send it for a full makeover, please.
• Glamorous is on Netflix now.
