A "geriatric" mum says having kids later in life meant she could live a "party" lifestyle - and wouldn't have made a "responsible" parent in her 20s. Mum-of-two Samantha Heathcock, 43, had her boys Elliott, seven, at the age of 35, and Jake, three at the age of 37, with her partner Neil, 44.
Samantha said it wasn't a proactive choice to wait but felt like the "right time" for her after establishing her marketing career - but she has faced stigma for being an "older mum". During her pregnancies she felt her symptoms and concerns were dismissed by medics because of her age.
Samantha feels the term 'geriatric’ used to describe mums over the age of 35 is outdated and having children later brings "greater emotional intelligence". She spent her twenties enjoying a party lifestyle which she couldn't have done as a mother.
The communications specialist from Stourbridge, West Midlands, said: “If I had children earlier, I wouldn’t have had the financial stability to be able to care for my children. I now look after myself better. I wouldn’t have been able to give up my party lifestyle when I was younger.
“I was living the typical ladette lifestyle. I loved a night out, cocktails and drinks. I wouldn’t have made a very responsible parent, that’s for sure. When the partying stopped, I replaced it with travelling and had some amazing holidays.
“I am also now more emotionally mature, so this also reflects more positively on my children so I can support them better. Regardless of age, having a child is a major life change.
"Motherhood is still a shock and a challenge to the system. There is no rule book. Age doesn’t make as much as a difference as people believe.”
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Samantha had a complicated first birth and was induced following meconium - where her unborn baby passed faeces in the uterus. She gave birth to Elliot weighing 7lbs 2oz, Russell’s Hall Hospital, Dudley, on July 4 2015.
After giving birth to a healthy baby boy, Samantha made the tough decision to switch from breastfeeding to bottle feeding - because she struggled to get to grasp with it. She said: “I was in tears as I had just made the decision to switch.
"I had been told ‘breast is best’ all through my first pregnancy. It felt like I had failed something that should be so ‘natural’."
According to Sam, she was met with hostility. She said: “The medical professional walked in and found me in tears.
“She saw bottles sterilising in the kitchen and then asked me in a confused voice ‘I thought we were breastfeeding’. The medical professional told me that because I was an older mother, I was finding the transition into motherhood more difficult because I was more used to living life on my own terms.
“It was nothing to do with my age. Becoming a mum is hard whatever your age.”
During the first trimester of her second birth in 2019, Sam noticed that she was spotting, so contacted her GP. Luckily, after the consultation, Samantha and her baby were healthy.
However, they discovered that her belly was significantly larger than her previous pregnancy. After investigations, they noticed she was producing a lot more amniotic fluid than normal
Samantha said: “In the third trimester of being pregnant with my second child, it felt completely different. I was completely wiped out with exhaustion, it was concerning.”
When examined by doctors, she was told it was "because she was too old". She said: “They fobbed me off and said - ‘you’re that little bit older and you’re going to be tired now’. I was completely in dismay.
“I was concerned about early pregnancy loss, and she just dismissed my symptoms as a result of my age and that a lot of people get spotting at the start of pregnancy. Age is just a number, and I felt like it was being used as an excuse.
“Thankfully, when I saw my midwife, she referred me for an early pregnancy scan, and everything was okay.”
Her second son Jake was born without complications weighing 7lbs 5oz, Russell’s Hall Hospital, Dudley, on 6 July 2019. Samantha said: “I didn’t find much online support around at the time when I was pregnant for older mums that were like me.
“It’s noticeable being the older mum in the room, and it’s nice to not feel alone.”
Sam feels the term "geriatric" is outdated. The mum-of-two said: “It’s not a very nice term, and I certainly don't see myself as geriatric.
“The way we act at our age now is so different to how it used to be. I think it’s an over-the-top term to label advanced maternal age.
“I find it quite funny as well, as it connotes that you’re over a certain age and you’ve passed it. You kind of feel like it’s a joke, a bit tongue and cheek if you must. There needs to be a complete culture shit and change in attitude to how older mothers are represented and treated.”
