Gemma Collins used self-harming as a "coping mechanism" to deal with the pressures of her new-found fame, the reality star has shared.
The Only Way is Essex favourite, 41, has spoken about her struggles with mental health for a new Channel 4 documentary, Gemma Collins : Self-Harm and Me, set to air tomorrow evening.
In a new clip for the show, the former Dancing on Ice contestant speaks to her fiancé Rami Hawash about her self-harming, remembering when he caught her 10 years ago, when they were previously together.
The couple dated in 2011, before getting back together in 2020.
Opening up to her partner, Gemma said: "It was never about you, it was never about any of that. It was to do with me, obviously I was going through something and the only way I could relieve the pressure was to cut myself."
She continued: "I never wanted to kill myself, that never went through my head.
"It was like a coping mechanism for me, so you know, when I just obviously, suddenly got famous and then people were coming up to me every five minutes. The pressure, the build-up, I couldn’t express myself properly.
"In the back of my mind because obviously we do want to go on to, you know, have a baby and stuff. I feel very happy with you and very settled with you and I think always in the back of my mind, you think, 'Oh s**t, is it going to come back?'"
Gemma first appeared on TOWIE in 2011 and since then has become a popular TV personality.
In her new documentary, she recounts her 20 year struggle with self-harm and how it has impacted her life and loved ones.
The camera follows her as she speaks to her therapist, Mandy Saligari, best friend, mum and others with similar experiences.
The I'm a Celebrity : Get Me Out of Here! star first self-harmed when she was at school and kept it a secret for two decades.
Gemma said: "She said: "I don’t know why I self-harmed, I don’t know where it came from. I don’t understand it. This is why I’m making this documentary, I want to finally put it to bed… It’s going to be really tough at times, but I am ready to find out why I did it
"The public don’t know Gemma, they know 'The GC'. Everyone sees me as this strong character. I’m actually a very soft, sensitive person, very few people get to see that side of me."
Although she hasn't self-harmed since her early thirties, Gemma said she continued to hurt herself in other ways.
"After my thirties I think I went onto a different sort of harm with bad partners, bad relationships with food, it’s all different types of self-harm," she added.
The documentary makers have worked alongside mental health charity Mind.
Alex Bushill, head of media and PR at Mind, said: "Our research at Mind has also shown that when people in the public eye speak about their mental health, it encourages others to do the same – as many as one in five people have spoken to a loved one as a direct result of seeing a celebrity speak out.
"This demonstrates how vital it is that people in the public eye continue to speak honestly about their mental health experiences, including coping mechanisms like self-harm.
"Through our Media Advisory Service, Mind worked with Channel 4 to make sure the issues covered are handled sensitively and portrayed accurately."
*If you are struggling with mental health, you can speak to a trained advisor from Mind mental health charity on 0300 123 3393 or email info@mind.org.uk
