Reality star Gemma Collins has bravely spoken about her struggles with self-harm that began when she was just 13 years old.
She recalled an occasion in which she self harmed in front of her horrified parents during a period in her life when she was being bullied.
But her family never spoke of it again, with Gemma petrified she would be sectioned, the Mirror reports.
READ MORE: Game of Thrones star Emilia Clarke's 'heart stolen' as she enjoys trip to Liverpool
However Gemma's pain, both mental and physical, would continue for years.
For the first time, she has confronted the issue head-on for the Channel Four documentary Gemma Collins: Self Harm and Me.
Viewers can expect to see the "real" Gemma, a far cry from her public persona as “The GC”, a larger-than-life character who has appeared in a string of TV shows.
The former TOWIE star talks with psychotherapists, self-harmers, friends and family to understand what drives people to such lengths.
Gemma has called therapy "priceless" in terms of her recovery.
Recalling her teenage hell, she said: “My parents were in the kitchen and I just walked in. I think I’d done it before, but it was a bit of a cry for help. I did it in front of them and they were just in shock.
“There was this silence and we never spoke about it again.
“I can remember I was being picked on – just teenage girls stuff.
“Pressure would build up and that was the way that I would deal with it. I felt relief when I self-harmed. It was a coping mechanism for me if I felt stressed.
“But I just couldn’t talk about it. When you do it for the first time you don’t know why but you hope ‘I never do that again’ and you hope those feelings never come back that make me want to do it.”
Gemma, 41, wore long sleeves to cover tell-tale marks so teachers and friends never found out.
The documentary sees Gemma's mum Joan open up for the first time about the incident, admitting she was frightened but had put it down to her daughter possibly copying something she’d watched on TV.
Talking to the Sunday Mirror, Gemma broke down in tears as she told of her mum’s tough childhood – and thinks that’s why she has been so anxious to protect her.
She adds: “She was adopted. She can remember when she was a kid being left... I hate that my mum had that bad upbringing. She said when she was a kid no one wanted her and that really upsets me for her.
“But she definitely found making a documentary healing. She wishes there had been the help back then, and she cried when she watched it.
“It’s brought us closer together.”
Gemma was spurred on to tackle the subject after the suicide of a good friend last year.
And she calls it the “best television I’ve ever made because I am not the GC on there – I am very much myself”.
She continued: “When I watched it back, I said ‘How the hell did I go through all that alone and not tell anybody?’
“I’m at peace with it now. What I love about this is that it’s so real, it’s so raw. All my barriers are down.
“It’s something I’m so proud of, like I’ve got nothing to hide any more. I’ve massively moved on from feeling that way and out of such a negative there is such a huge positive and it will encourage people suffering like myself to have the courage to ask for help.
“Self-harming is such a strange thing but it’s making people aware of their triggers. I never wanted to end my life. I just wanted help. I’ve had counselling, I’ve had therapy.
“Talking about your problems is very cathartic. It’s been a release.
“It’s gone up into the universe and I feel free now from the pain. I have had intense therapy sessions.
“I did a lot in the pandemic. It allowed me to deal with stuff that I haven’t been able to deal with. I’m not ashamed. I think everyone should get therapy. It’s priceless.
"Do you want that Gucci bag or do you want peace? You want peace.”
Gemma Collins: Self Harm & Me airs on Wednesday (February 16) at 9pm on Channel 4
Receive newsletters with the biggest and breaking TV and showbiz news by signing up here
