The wait is almost over. Both for festival-goers counting down the days to Glastonbury, and for their friends and family who are counting down the days until they can stop hearing about Glastonbury. After a three-year hiatus, the legendary music festival is back and bigger than ever.
Every Glastonbury weekend, the transformation of Worthy Farm from a West Country dairy farm into the glorious festival site never fails to wow. Bars within bars, areas within areas, and festivals within festivals offer ticket holders a Russian doll of silliness and surrealism. The centre of which you’ll probably never reach – at least not without a comprehensive plan.
Planning is probably the least sexy part of festival-going, but you’ve paid the money and waited the years, so it’s time to milk Glastonbury for every absurd activity and secret spot it has to offer. From where to get the perfect pint to the woodland oasis awaiting tired, hungover bodies, here’s our pick of highlights for this year’s Glastonbury.
Glastonbury On Sea
Ahoy, mateys! Jump aboard for some traditional seaside fun with spectacular views across the entire festival site. Open from 8am until 10pm each day, the Glastonbury On Sea experience includes fortune-telling from the mysterious Marisa, a veritable horde of vintage slot machines hosted by Pinball Geoff, and the traditional Punch and Judy show. Other classic seaside attractions include a brand-new helter skelter, dodgems, and the animatronic One Love Band. Grab a stick of rock or some Pink Ladies’ candyfloss and dive right in.
Field of Avalon/Avalon Inn
Sometimes all you want is a pint in a pub. Or a cuppa milky tea. Luckily, those cravings and more can be satisfied at the Field of Avalon where the vibe falls somewhere between a rural village and a medieval fayre town. Expect to find numerous craft stalls, as well as an array of tasty tea and cakes on offer. But it’s the Avalon Inn which is the jewel in the area’s crown – a wooden ale house serving up ice-cold beverages. This year, the Field of Avalon stage will play host to an eclectic selection of acts including Grace Petrie, The Hoosiers, McFly, and – drum roll, please – Sugababes! To top it all off, there’s a helter skelter because, well of course there is.
Crowded House
Maybe the Australian band don’t seem like the obvious choice – out of all the acts playing at Glastonbury – to go and see. But believe us, this will be one of the best sets of the festival. They’ll be wheeling out songs such as “It’s Only Natural”, with its brilliant harmonies and unusual tonal shifts, and the dreamlike “Weather With You” and “Four Seasons in One Day”. Come rain or shine, this will be a show to remember. They play the Pyramid stage on Friday afternoon.
Cineramageddon
Imagine Cannes Film Festival meets Blade Runner and you get something close to Cineramageddon. From noon until dawn, this post-apocalyptic drive-in theatre invites you to momentarily escape the chaos of Glastonbury. Take a seat in one of 70 repurposed cars, put on your headphones and tune out into another world for a while. (A heads-up: you’ll need to book in advance to reserve a car but don’t worry, last-minute planners can show up early to grab a pair of the 2,000 headphones that are available on a first-come, first-served basis). Naturally, there are plenty of music documentaries to choose from, while this year’s films include Queen & Slim, Petite Maman, Licorice Pizza, and The Runaways. Might I suggest watching Titane, the trippy, car-based horror and winner of last year’s Palme d’Or? A wild ride, indeed.
Roisin Murphy
The dance music queen never disappoints at a live show, and you can be sure she’ll be bringing the maximum amount of glitter and glam to her closing set on the West Holts stage on Saturday. Expect propulsive, complex songs from her most recent album, the resplendent Roisin Machine, along with picks from 2007’s squelchy electro-disco record Overpowered, and “Sing It Back”, the joyous, shuffling 1999 track from her Mark Brydon collaboration, Moloko.
Arcadia
The giant Arcadia spider, one of the many wonders of Glastonbury, returns – eight giant mechanical legs and all – for the 2022 edition. The 50-tonne, fire-shooting stage built from recycled military hardware is surrounded by baby spiders that crawl among the revellers. It is undoubtedly one of the biggest and best spectacles at Worthy Farm. If that wasn’t enough of a draw, its presence at the festival will be soundtracked by dance, house and electronic music sets from DJs such as Calvin Harris, SPY, Kurupt FM, Carl Cox and Dimension. If there was a time to get over your arachnophobia, this is it.
The Wood
What was once just a shortcut to the Pyramid stage has become a destination in its own right. With a name like The Wood, you get what you expect: an idyllic slice of woodland bliss. By day, you’ll find a café and some theatre, but mostly The Wood is a great (shaded!) spot to catch some R&R before the night’s debaucheries, save trekking back to your sweltering tent. If you do venture here post-sundown, though, you’ll be rewarded with an electric treetop view over the Tor, lit up in all its glory. There’s an aerial walkway through the tree canopy linking to another viewing platform over Peetas Pond. The daily campfire at midnight is another lure for returning visitors of The Wood. If none of that interests you, at the end of the day, it’s still a cracking shortcut.
Kojey Radical
Those who have heard of Kojey Radical will be thrilled to see his name on this year’s line-up – and those who haven’t will be glad they listened to their friends who have. The spoken-word poet and rapper from east London is returning to Worthy Farm for the first time since his 2016 debut, performing early on Sunday on the Other stage at 11am to 11.45am. His show comes months after the release of his critically acclaimed debut album, Reason to Smile, in March; an intoxicating fusion of hip-hop, neo-soul and jazz that singled him out as one of the most interesting British acts today, both sonically and lyrically. Given his rapid upward trajectory, this Glastonbury gig may very well be your last chance to see him without a colossal crowd.
Elephant Bar
There’s a new bar on the block – or newish. The Elephant Bar returns for the second-time ever after its debut in 2019. Located near the Pyramid stage and the Other stage, the bar is primely positioned for a quick refill when your drink is inevitably spilt all over you by an overly eager elbow. The bar’s name is also handy for identification purposes, too. After all, it’s much easier to text your mates to meet you underneath the elephant head statues than it is to tell them you’re by the big yellow flag. For all you lager connoisseurs out there, there’s a range of world craft and European beers on offer, including Brooklyn New York and London Fields.
Black Lamp Hub
As we already know, Glastonbury isn’t all about the music. Cinephiles can get their fill, too. The Black Lamp Hub runs in the daytime as a companion to the nocturnal Cineramageddon drive-in theatre, perfect for film fans who prefer a matineé screening – or those who are too unorganised to book a car for the main Cineramageddon events. You don’t need to book for the Black Lamp, making it a more viable option for when you want to catch a last-minute movie. On the agenda is the daily “Breakfast with Bertolucci” film at noon, followed by an assortment of director Q&As and exclusive pre-release screenings.
Tricketts Bar
If you’re feeling intrepid enough to venture up to the park’s summit, you’ll find a warm welcome at Tricketts along with some pretty astounding views of the entire site. The ramshackle wooden hut serves up a variety of refreshing ales, wine and spirits, and is just a short meander from the Crow’s Nest, where you can attend the Free University of Glastonbury and enjoy educational and enlightening talks from Coldwar Steve, Jarvis Cocker and Professor Alice Roberts.
DakhaBrakha
This Ukrainian folk quartet’s swooning musicianship and Marko Halanevych’s arresting falsetto might initially remind audience members of former Alabama Shakes frontwoman and solo artist Brittany Howard. With a name that translates roughly to the phrase “give and take”, DakhaBrakha – one of their country’s most revered bands – weave together a tapestry of influences they’ve dubbed “ethno-chaos”. On the languorous “Baby”, they sing in both English and Ukrainian, incorporating traditional folk with Middle Eastern sounds. They’re known to shout “Stop Putin” at the end of their sets – feel free to join in.
Sugababes
Just imagine it: the sun is setting behind you; a sea of sweaty strangers are dancing ecstatically next to you; you have an ice-cold beer in hand – and the Sugababes are on stage blasting out “About You Now”. The original UK pop icons are reuniting after 21 years for a one-hour set on the Avalon stage on Friday, beginning at 9.35pm. While it may not one of the headliners on the Pyramid stage, for anyone who grew up listening to “Push the Button” on repeat, there’s nowhere else to be.
Healing Fields
Feeling overwhelmed by the sheer spectacle that is Glastonbury? Treat yourself to a trip to the Healing Fields, where you’ll find a variety of gardens, workshops, yoga, meditation and Tai Chi classes, massages, qualified therapists, and ceremonies that celebrate the power of connection. In Soothsayers’ Avenue you can find out what awaits you thanks to the array of tarot, astrology, rune and palm readings on offer, or head over to the Earth Garden with a cup of chai tea and a cake to help yourself reset. Whatever helps you unwind, you’ll find it in the Healing Fields.
Herbie Hancock
The Oscar and Grammy-winning king of jazz innovation has collaborated with everyone from Joni Mitchell to Miles Davis. At 82, he’s got a few years on headliner Paul McCartney and will be one of the oldest artists ever to perform at the festival (after the late Bruce Forsyth, who made history when he appeared on the Avalon stage, aged 85, in 2013). But you can guarantee this will be one of the most charismatic, invigorating and unique shows Glastonbury has ever seen. This is an artist who was performing Mozart concertos with the Chicago symphony orchestra when he was 11 years old. Watch as he takes his seat at the piano and the magic unfolds.
Pilton Palais Cinema
It’s a festival within a festival. Set within a marquee in the Acoustic field on the eastern edge of the site is a shaded oasis for film fans – or really anyone with a few hours to kill. Showing this year is a mix of new movies (Lightyear, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness, Jurassic World Dominion) and stone cold classics (The Room, The Rock Horror Picture Show, The Matrix). Nicolas Cage’s wacky new outing The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent will be a popular choice, as well as the 30th anniversary screening of Orlando, introduced by friend and patron of Pilton Palais, Tilda Swinton. Tickets are free and reservations are unnecessary, so pop by when you feel like it. See here for the full list of timings and films, right at the bottom of the page. There’s popcorn, of course, but insiders know the waffle kiosk is the way to go.
The Peace Garden
I’ll admit a lot of the entries on this list are places to go to escape the festival’s chaos, but when you’re on your fourth day of wet-wipe showers, sometimes all you want to do is lie on a patch of grass in silence. Or maybe hear the gentle strum of an acoustic guitar. Billed as the spiritual centre of Glastonbury, the aptly named Peace Garden returns for another year to provide festival-goers with a place to recharge. There’s lush grass (that hasn’t been torn up by thousands of dancing feet) and plenty of seating areas to kick back among the flower beds.
Megan Thee Stallion
Being the hip-hop phenomenon that she is, Megan Thee Stallion is likely to already be on your “do not miss” Glastonbury list. But just in case she isn’t, she should be. The Texas rapper’s rise to fame has been fast and focused, no doubt partly owing to her electric live performances – and her gift for twerking. The Grammy winner’s hit collaborations provide opportunity for some potentially very starry cameos. Cardi B on “WAP”? Dua Lipa on “Sweetest Pie”? Nicki Minaj on “Hot Girl Summer”? Surely at least one will make an appearance. Cameos or not, though, one thing’s for sure: the energy in the crowd when Megan Thee Stallion takes the Other stage at 10.30pm on Saturday night will be unmatched.
