Before writing became my full-time, I was always writing in my spare time. But when I finally landed a gig to be a ~paid~ writer a few years back, I was surprised to discover that my fervour for writing out-of-hours didn’t really last. While this is the natural ebb-and-flow of creative work, I’ve always wondered if the same situation occurs with sex work, when sex is so important and intrinsic to the human experience.
So, I had a chat with four sex workers about how their own personal sex lives have changed since monetising what they do in the bedroom.
“I still enjoy sex, but I don’t do it for fun”
Hayley Davies is a leading pornstar who has filmed more than 300 sex tapes in six months but despite being a bonafide sex lover, she doesn’t seek out sexy experiences with just anyone in her private life.
“I still enjoy sex! But I don’t do it for fun,” Hayley told PEDESTRIAN.TV.
“I only do it with someone I really like. So currently I haven’t had sex for a while.”
Although she films with people she barely knows all the time, in her personal life, she admits that casual sex for fun is totally off the cards.
“I never have casual hookups outside of work. I only sleep with people I’ve been seeing for a while, that’s it. Casual sex is not for me, I need an emotional connection, attraction and built-up tension. I need to know them well,” she says, noting that sex while dating is nothing like the sex she has at work.
“It’s completely different: the emotions, the chemistry — everything.”
“Those desires don’t go away, not for me anyway”
For escort Katija Cortez, having a flourishing sex life outside her work is super important — especially when her work only gives her one part of the meeting-to-sex timeline.
“I enjoy some chase and game. There is no chase when it’s work,” Katija says.
“I enjoy some flirting and the unexpected nature of these outside-of-work encounters. At work, everything is very planned. I enjoy meeting someone out in the wild who I think is attractive and then the flirt and game involved in trying to pick them up, not knowing how things will go. It’s a different kind of excitement.”
Although Katija doesn’t feel the need to have sex as often due to her work, she likens sex on the clock to being similar to having a situationship.
“The difference is all in the emotion. I’m not saying I don’t ever have genuine connections with clients, because with regulars a lot of the time, there is a connection and a bond there, but it’s different,” she says.
“It’s more like best friends who hang out and fuck — like fuck buddies. When it’s a relationship outside work, there is a deeper emotional connection there.”
That being said, Katija admits that she loves a “cheeky” one-night stand.
“I always have, even before being a sex worker. They are a different kind of fun, and usually just because I think the person is kinda hot and I’m horny. Sex workers still get horny and feel excited by people they find attractive. Those desires don’t go away, not for me anyway.”
“I don’t think I’d ever actually even masturbated before I started OnlyFans”
For OnlyFans star Annie Charlotte, getting into sex work completely changed the way she viewed sex — for the better.
“This job has made me enjoy sex even more and explore areas of things that I didn’t realise I’d enjoy and embrace kinks and be more sexually active, because it’s just opened me up more sexually because I’ve seen different sides to the sex world,” she explains.
“Before I started OnlyFans, I was super vanilla. I don’t think I’d ever actually even masturbated before I started OF.
“So yeah, it definitely opened up a lot of things for me. I love sex. Even before I did OF, I was really sexual. I was at uni sleeping with a different guy every night. And I’ve always just been like that. I just enjoy it, and I love it, and it’s always just been a big part of my adult life.”
Although Annie says the sex she has for work is great, she doesn’t get what she needs through work alone.
“Don’t get me wrong, most guys in the industry that I’ve filmed with recently are amazing and the sex is great. And, like, I love cocks, so it’s fabulous, but they aren’t meaningful, it’s a transaction, and we have sex, get the job done, and I go home,” she says.
“But the sex I have with somebody I’m dating or seeing, that sex is even better. That’s like, the type of sex that I love. It’s not the same sleeping with somebody at work. There’s just more passion and you just feel it more, and it’s hornier and it’s sexier, and you just love every second of it.
“Whereas work, you’re like, do I look good? Is this right? Is this angle okay? Will this look good on camera? It’s not like I don’t not enjoy sex at work, but it’s definitely more focused on how you look and what is happening and changing angles and positions, than just focusing on the sex.”
“Sex is so much better now”
Stripper Katya Aisha admits that she originally got into stripping for the money but the more time she spent at work, the more she realised she needed to do some inner work and examine her relationship with her own sexuality.
“I wasn’t a very sexual person before, and I had all these unresolved issues about sex being taboo. I never really talked about it — it felt off-limits,” she said.
“Being in this industry made me realise I needed to do some real sexual healing. Over time, I became more comfortable with my own sexuality.”
After being surrounded by colleagues who would comfortably talk about sex and toys, Katya began to feel less ashamed and more open about her sex life.
Although Katya admits that dating is tough in her line of work, she says that “sex is so much better now”.
“Being in the industry has made me more confident and picky about who I’m with. I didn’t realise how toxic or harmful some men could be,” Katya says,
“Working in this space has actually improved my sex life — it’s helped me learn what I want and who deserves my energy.”
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