Kirk Norcross emotionally opened up about his dad's death for the first time.
The former The Only Way Is Essex star appeared on Loose Women ahead of the first anniversary of Mick's passing.
Kirk tragically lost his dad, who was his fellow TOWIE star and an entrepreneur Mick, to suicide last year.
An inquest in July heard that Mick took his own life amid financial concerns and deteriorating mood through coronavirus lockdowns.
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The businessman, who rose to fame as the owner of the Sugar Hut nightclub in the ITV series, died at his home in the Essex village of Bulphan on January 21, 2021, aged 57.
On Thursday, Kirk joined Loose Women for his first interview since his dad's death to spread a vital message of mental health awareness and support the show’s Stand by your Men campaign.
Speaking about the last year, Kirk said: "It's weird, I don't know if people will understand. It has been the quickest year ever and the slowest year ever. It’s so hard to explain. I’ve got a bit of a mental block.
"I can’t remember my dad being here, but I can like a dream."
When asked about why Mick didn't open up, Kirk said: "He is old school. He was a docker, he worked in the docks in the 60s and 70s and I believe that era in men, I don’t know if [they think] it's a weakness.
"It's not, you know. If my mate comes and says, 'I'm struggling', do you know how strong I think that person is?"
Kirk, 33, got tearful as he revealed how he spoke to his dad the morning he took his own life.
"I live next to my father, I was with him the night before," he explained. "That morning, I was having my breakfast, and he did what he usually did, which was take a bit off my plate. And he was fine.
"He actually gave me his next business strategy and I was like, ‘Brilliant, if that’s what you want to do.’ That afternoon he killed himself."
Kirk, who now runs KN Jet Services in Essex, went to find his dad after getting a call from his dad's partner who couldn't get hold of him
"I was indoors, having my lunch and I got a call from my dad’s partner saying, ‘I can’t find your dad.’ And I don’t know why, even though I saw him that morning, I knew what had happened," he said.
"We knew he was in the house, he’d locked himself in the house and I smashed through the door. I found him…
"I gave him CPR, I tried my best. I knew he was gone though, I knew the minute I saw him."
Loose Women's anchor Charlene White then asked what that moment was like, to which he replied: "It was surreal. It was like my life ended but I had so much to do at the same time.
"What would my dad have done in that situation? Once I gave him CPR and I knew it was done, I just laid with my father and told him it’s time to rest."
Kirk told the panel that he hasn't sought help but has been diagnosed with PTSD since his dad's death.
"I’ve had all my family around me," Kirk said. "Dad had a really big estate, so we’re still selling his house. I got diagnosed with PTSD because I’ve had flashbacks of how I found my father.
"It’s like the war films… the flashbacks, I’ll be walking down the road and it’s like ‘Bang’ and it’s in my dreams. I ring my friends and say, ‘I need to talk to you.'"
He added: "I tried to commit suicide many years ago, I didn’t think I had a purpose then."
Kirk was later applauded by the panel as he shared that he is close to being nine months sober after suffering a relapse.
He added: "It’s been hard. I’m a recovering drug addict and I’m not ashamed to say. I did relapse when my father died, the day after, it was just to numb my pain but I’m a couple of days away from nine months sober."
Kirk hopes that his appearance on Loose Women and talking about his dad's death will help someone who is struggling to speak out and get help.
Samaritans (116 123) operates a 24-hour service available every day of the year. If you prefer to write down how you’re feeling, or if you’re worried about being overheard on the phone, you can email Samaritans at jo@samaritans.org.
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