The Continuing Adventures of Slabhead may be about to take an exciting new direction. According to various print and digital rags, David Moyes is keen to take Harry Maguire on loan to West Ham for the rest of the season. Until now Maguire has been unable to see the writing on the Old Trafford dressing-room wall, but he may change his mind if it’s only a loan move.
While Maguire has been reluctant to leave Old Trafford, Leandro Trossard has apparently had his fill of living in the Guardian’s spiritual home. Chelsea and Spurs are both keen on buying Trossard a one-way ticket from Brighton to London. They might even pay for his Uber at the other end too.
Jürgen Klopp, meanwhile, has a dream. In it, Jude Bellingham and Matheus Nunes counter-press the bejesus out of quivering midfield opponents for the next decade, all the while sporting a Liverbird on their left breast. Money/takeover permitting, Liverpool will try to sign Bellingham and Nunes from Borussia Dortmund and Wolves, respectively.
Manchester City have an obvious dearth of creative wide forwards, so Pep Guardiola is keen to sign Napoli’s bewitching maverick Khvicha Kvaratskhelia. If he joins, the 21-year-old will become the first Georgian to play for City. Please tell us you didn’t fall for that.
It’s the season of Love Island, or so we’re told. And if you were in any doubt that opposites still attract, Barcelona reject Memphis Depay is reportedly about to jump into the loving arms of Diego Simeone. Should Depay join Atlético Madrid, Yannick Carrasco may move in the opposite direction. Barça – who spent last summer, well, spending – are now doing most of their shopping in La Tienda Bosman, and would like to pick up Manchester City’s Ilkay Gündogan.
Nottingham Forest have devised a new system whereby each new arrival must be of an age that corresponds to their number on the list of new signings for 2022-23. (Look, it was clearer in our head.) So far they’ve bought 25 new players, and let’s be honest they’ve shut us all up with how well they’re doing. Newcastle striker Chris Wood, 31, and PSG goalkeeper Keylor Navas, 36, are waiting patiently for them to fill in the gaps. Bournemouth are also keen on the Costa Rican.
Moussa Dembélé has apparently been offered to Everton. Rumours that Frank Lampard barked “get it done” without asking which Dembélé it was, whether his first name has one S or two, and whether indeed it was the footballer or the Senegalese hurdler, are unconfirmed. Besides, it’s good news: this is the Lyon version, the one who plays up front and frequently scores actual goals.
Talking of Moussa Ds, the burgeoning bro-sentment between Arsenal and Newcastle will gather pace when they go toe-to-toe and chequebook-to-chequebook for Bayer Leverkusen’s French winger Moussa Diaby.
Juventus and Real Madrid are keeping an eye – several, if you believe some sources – on Alejandro Garnacho’s contract situation at Manchester United. It expires in 18 months, though United have the option to extend by another year.
Leicester still want Fiorentina’s tricky Argentinian forward Nicolás González, and Southampton manager Nathan Jones has set his slightly scary eyes on Villarreal attacker Nicolas Jackson.
