Name: Flakes.
Age: 102.
Appearance: Scarce.
Are you referring to those wrinkled chocolate sticks made by Cadbury? Yes, and more specifically to the half-size version that gets stuck in soft-serve ice-cream to create the classic 99 Flake.
Where did the name come from? No one knows.
Really? There must be some theories. There are – ranging from the street address of the ice-cream parlour that first sold them, to some story about an Italian king’s 99-strong elite guard – but they’re all stupid.
Sorry, I just wondered why an ice-cream with a Flake in it was called a 99. You should be more worried about what it’s called when it doesn’t have a Flake in it.
Why? Because that’s all you’re going to get. There’s a nationwide shortage.
Of Flakes? That’s right. One ice-cream seller called it “a nightmare”.
I can think of worse things. That’s because you’re not an ice-cream seller. Some suppliers are limiting sellers to just 10 boxes each.
How many Flakes in a box? 144.
How long will that last? Not long in this hot weather. “It sounds a lot but if you go to a large event you could easily use eight or nine boxes,” Abby Beech of Abbyo’s ice-cream van in Hessle, east Yorkshire, told the BBC.
What is causing this shortage? Global supply chain disruptions, according to Mondelez International, Cadbury’s parent company, alongside a recent surge in demand.
Is there some kind of problem at the Cadbury factory in Bournville? They don’t make Flakes in Bournville any more. Production has been shifted to Dublin and Egypt.
Can I blame Brexit for this? It’s complicated. Supply chain issues are global, the war in Ukraine has exacerbated existing problems, and there was also a Flake shortage this time last year. But if it makes you feel better, go ahead.
I guess we’ll just have to enjoy other seaside treats, such as fish and chips. Unfortunately, there’s also a looming fish and chips shortage, thanks to supply problems with cooking oil, cod, haddock and potatoes.
There’s a potato shortage? Well, it’s really a fertiliser shortage; a lot of it comes from Russia.
Any other forms of rationing set to ruin my holidays? There’s a chlorine shortage threatening to close many UK swimming pools.
It’s gonna be a bummer of a summer. Cheer up, it might rain.
Do say: “I call this a 99 Fake. It’s got a chipolata in it.”
Don’t say: “We’re out of everything except the 22. It’s basically just a cone.”
