Couples having a row should take a five-second break to stop them reaching boiling point, according to a study.
Taking a pause during an argument can act as a firebreak that prevents rows from escalating, defuses disagreements and could save the need for costly counselling.
Psychologists at the University of St Andrews conducted experiments with 81 couples and published their findings in the journal Communications Psychology.
Just five seconds was equally effective as longer enforced breaks, according to Annah McCurry, a PhD candidate at the university’s school of psychology and neuroscience.
“It sounds obvious but this is the first time anyone has experimentally demonstrated a reduction in aggression following enforced breaks. Forcing couples to have a five-second break was just as effective as a 10- or 15-second break, which shows even the briefest of pauses can help defuse an argument,” said McCurry, who led the experiments with her supervisors Dr Robert May and Prof David Donaldson.
“This is a simple, free and effective hack to reduce negative emotions during arguments. It’s cheaper than couples therapy and can be easily integrated into everyday interactions.”
To measure the impact of the enforced break, the study engineered conflict by engaging couples in a competitive game where they could blast an unpleasant noise at their partner at a volume of their choosing. The couples participated in 30 rounds of the game, with breaks enforced at different intervals.
Advanced AI and machine learning were used to analyse the emotional responses, which were captured by a 360-degree camera with onboard audio.
McCurry and colleagues found that couples tended to match each other’s level of aggression, even at high levels. However, enforcing a short break disrupted this pattern of retaliation, leading to lower overall aggression.
The strategy has its limits, however, and is intended for managing lower-level conflicts, preventing their escalation into more serious fights caused by negative emotional arousal and poor emotion regulation ability.
“This approach does not apply to domestic violence scenarios,” McCurry said. “This is about managing the mundane, everyday arguments that couples have and that can escalate.”
• This article was amended on 16 August 2024. An earlier version said that this study was published in the journal Nature; to clarify it was published in Communications Psychology, which is part of the Nature portfolio.
