A fifth of employees undergoing fertility treatment are thought to have quit their job due to how they were treated. Alison Howie, an NHS physiotherapist, shares her experience.
My infertility journey has been exhausting, expensive and soul-destroying. I’ve had about 18 embryo transfers over the last 10 years, using my frozen eggs, fresh donor eggs and adopted embryos, as well as several pregnancy losses.
In my last job, I worked in a maternity service, so I found it quite difficult and upsetting. Managers didn’t know what to do, how to handle it. They just saw this emotional person. They used to have an IVF policy but this was discontinued.
I ended up leaving the job after three years because I could not bear the emotional torture. When I asked if I could move to another department or role – within physiotherapy there are several disciplines that I was qualified and experienced to do – managers wouldn’t consider it.
But when a colleague had a sudden bereavement, they immediately moved to another area. If you lose a pregnancy early and have continuous failed embryo transfers, it’s trauma and repeated grief. When I look back, it was the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through.
Among colleagues, there was an atmosphere of: “We can’t talk about stuff in front of you because you just get upset, you make people feel uncomfortable.” It was awful. It leaves you feeling like you don’t want to tell anyone, so you end up going to appointments at 7 in the morning.
Once, when I went to a mandatory training session, I had recently suffered my third miscarriage and the woman coordinating it said: “If anyone needs to answer their phone, go out, I know we’ve all got kids here”. I let her know after the session that she had upset me, and every time after I saw her she would move away from me. It’s amazing how some people don’t respect how different everyone’s lives are. It destroys your confidence.
I’ve never been so stressed in my life than during my fertility treatment – worrying can I afford this, why won’t this work? I need to take time off, but then I won’t get paid. I’ve used most of my holidays from work for treatment for the past eight years.
My new job in outpatient physiotherapy has been understanding to some degree, but when treatment continued due to repeated failure, there was an attitude of: “You can’t just keep trying.” But then someone could have three or four maternity leaves and you’re starting to think: “Why am I not allowed to pursue this, it’s really important?”
I came across a woman doing a course who titled herself childless not by choice. I thought, I really identify with that phrase. I put it as a tag on my email because people put in LGBT and so on, and I was scolded and told to take it off immediately. I think it’s from a place of ignorance and not understanding how important it is to someone.
NHS Dumfries and Galloway, where Howie currently works, said it runs the Once for Scotland Special Leave policy, which covers staff undergoing long-term health processes, including fertility treatment. Managers are provided with guidance on approving requests for time off or flexible hours to attend clinical appointments, and consider several aspects, including the impact on the service.
