Clare Nowland's family still can't believe their 95-year-old matriarch was killed by a police officer, who remains free and is challenging his dismissal from the force, while a judge considers whether or not to send him to jail.
Former senior constable Kristian James Samuel White, 35, left out the front door of the NSW Supreme Court for what could be the last time on Friday afternoon, remaining on bail awaiting sentence for manslaughter.
His departure came after Mrs Nowland's children and grandchildren delivered emotional statements to the court.
Videos played during the trial captured White saying "nah, bugger it" before he "got her" with his Taser - grotesque words that will forever haunt Mrs Nowland's daughter Gemma Murphy.
The great-grandmother was wandering the halls of the Yallambee Lodge aged-care home in the southern NSW town of Cooma before police arrived early on May 17, 2023.
The elderly woman was holding a knife while using a walking frame and had been ignoring attempts by staff to disarm her.
"She was met with aggressive brutality ... she was a helpless, defenceless, 95-year-old lady," Ms Murphy told the court.
"My mum was so much more than 'the grandmother who got tasered'," she said, adding that her mother should be remembered as the remarkable woman she was.
"A beacon of love and strength, and deserving of respect in her final years."
Mrs Nowland fell after being struck with the Taser barbs, suffering a bleed on the brain and dying in hospital a week later.
Kym Lloyd said the family's grief had been drawn out by the fact her grandmother was killed by a police officer, requiring an investigation, a forensic autopsy which delayed her funeral, and a prolonged court process attracting significant attention.
"The public care and they want to know, they too are appalled," she said.
White's "gutless", "inhumane" and "incomprehensible" actions robbed Mrs Nowland of a dignified death, and her family of a proper goodbye, they told the court.
Many said they could never forgive him, and none said they had.
White was removed from the NSW Police Force in December, but has launched legal action for a review.
Crown prosecutor Brett Hatfield SC said challenging the justification of his sacking and an unsworn letter White gave the court did not demonstrate contrition.
"He obviously does not accept that he is guilty of manslaughter," Mr Hatfield said.
"It seems to be ... a perfunctory statement for the purpose of assisting him with his sentencing, rather than any genuine expression of remorse," Mr Hatfield said.
White's barrister Troy Edwards SC said he had provided a heartfelt and truthful admission of how he felt about killing Mrs Nowland, to the court and to a forensic psychologist.
"He was in tears ... he struggled with 'the fact that I did it'," Mr Edwards said, quoting the psychologist's opinion.
White made a mistake at work.
"He had an honest belief what he did was necessary to meet the threat the deceased posed, but that was an error of judgment.
"It's not malevolence, it's not anger, it's not a motivation that would make the moral culpability much higher," Mr White said.
Mr Hatfield said White displayed a "very cavalier attitude" and did not properly consider deploying his Taser.
He urged the court not to spare White jail by allowing him to serve his sentence in the community.
The judge will advise a date for sentence with enough notice for family members to travel from regional NSW.
"This matter will require considerable thought," Justice Ian Harrison said as he reserved judgment on Friday afternoon.
"Justice can't be rushed, and I don't want to rush it," he added.
