Hey, remember American Gladiators?
I certainly do, along with a whole generation of fans who watched as big-bodied athletes with nicknames like Ice, Nitro and Laser took on contestants who tried to best the gladiators and each other in all kinds of wild events that would involve strength, speed and agility.
ESPN also does. In the latest 30 for 30, the two-part documentary about the series that ran in the 1990s drops on May 30, revealing a dark underbelly to the show loved by so many.
So I decided it was time to rank all the events from the OG American Gladiators — we’re not counting the 2008 revival, sorry — from worst to best:
16
Breakthrough and Conquer
I audibly groaned every time this event came up. It’s just 1-on-1 football and then a wrestling match. Just call it Football and Wrestling. Also, don’t do it at all.
15
Tug-O-War
I mean, it’s tug of war. I don’t care about the wobbly platforms. There are better, more inspired events.
14
The Maze
I like the events with more oomph to them.
13
Snapback
Is it terrible that I completely forgot this one? Or that it’s a sign of where it should be ranked?
12
The Gauntlet
A less good version of The Eliminator.
11
Whiplash
Does this look familiar, fans of The Challenge? Yep, it may have inspired pole wrestling and events of that ilk. That said, there are better events.
10
Skytrack
Upside down racing! May be underrated.
9
The Wall
Simple, but full of drama.
8
Pyramid
A modified battle of King of the Hill. Did I play this with friends and pretend I was on this show? MAYBE.
7
Swingshot
We’ve reached the dangling from the ceiling division. This one looked so fun.
6
Human Cannonball
Sometimes, you get moments like this one. Oof.
5
Hang Tough
Was there any drama better than when a Gladiator got close and wrapped his or her legs around the opponent?
4
Atlasphere
Mark this under “Events I wish I could do in real life.”
3
Powerball
Tell me: Why isn’t this a sports league now?
2
Joust
Iconic. You tell someone about AG and they say, hey remember the Joust?
1
Assault
Undoubtedly No. 1. Contestants get to shoot various weapons at a target. Gladiators shoot balls out of an air-powered cannon. Strategy is a must here, as is really good aim. It’s so perfect.
