Drugs! Nudity! Baking grannies! Breakdancing gorillas! Will anything else in Liverpool ever be this brilliantly bonkers? As the Merseyside city hosts the Eurovision Song Contest 2023 on behalf of Ukraine, we rewind the competition’s 13 most WTF? moments of all-time. How many do you remember?
Italy’s snorty boys (2021)
Roman glam-rockers Måneskin might have won the contest but a kerfuffle kicked off when it was suggested that frontman Damiano David had been caught taking cocaine live on TV. The singer was seen leaning over a surface, before a bandmate nudged him and he quickly sat up straight. He denied doing anything illicit and later passed a drugs test but social media exploded. When Måneskin returned as reigning champions last year, they were asked if they had any advice for performers. “Have fun and don’t get close to the table,” David joked.
Belarus’ naked wolfman (2016)
Ivan from Belarus planned to perform Help You Fly completely starkers, with real wolves onstage. Why? “So everybody can feel the thin line between humans and nature.” Sadly, the Eurovision rulebook forbade full-frontal nudity or live animals, so he settled for a naked hologram and an animated wolf. Which wasn’t exactly sane either.
Belgium’s sarky robots (1980)
Kraftwerk-inspired synth-poppers Telex were ahead of their time with cult classic Euro-Vision - the first ever entry to mention the contest by name. The trio’s robotic performance incorporated synchronised swaying, deadpan looks to camera and handfuls of glitter from singer Michel Moers’ suit pockets. Despite being naggingly catchy, it came third from bottom. “We’d hoped to finish last but Portugal decided otherwise and gave us ten points,” said Moers.
Russia’s baking grannies (2012)
Soggy bottoms all round. Viewers thought they’d accidentally changed channels to Bake Off when Buranovskiye Babushki shuffled on-stage. Six grannies wailed along to mournful folk ballad Party For Everybody while baking cookies in a kiln. They finished runner-up with 259 points and used the publicity to raise funds for the rebuilding their local church. Good bake.
Ireland’s total turkey (2008)
They might be Eurovision’s most successful nation with seven wins but Ireland got a bit too cocky 15 years ago, trying their luck with feathered puppet Dustin the Turkey. His satirical tune Irelande Douze Pointe featured self-referential lyrics about “drag acts, bad acts and Terry Wogan’s wig”. Voters didn’t get the gag. He failed to make the final.
Romania’s levitating vampire (2013)
“Small children and pets should probably leave the room,” warned narrator Graham Norton before Cezar’s song It’s My Life, inspired by the region of Transylvania. Sporting a glittery Dracula cape, he slowly rose up from the stage on a blood-red tarpaulin. Bwa-ha-ha-ha. Hang on, what?
Belgium’s fake language (2003)
Eurovision lyrics often seem to be gibberish. This time they really were. Despite Belgium having three official tongues, folk band Urban Trad’s eccentric ditty Sanomi was performed in an entirely fictitious language. It didn’t seem to matter. They finished runner-up, pipped by only two points.
Russia’s coiffure-conjoined twins (2014)
And you thought Jedward were scary. It was like something out of The Shining when the 17-year-old Tolmachevy Sisters sang Shine (see?) with interwoven hair, before moving to opposite ends of a giant seesaw. This is clearly where UK flops Jemini went wrong.
San Marino’s Facebook song (2012)
“If you wanna come to my house, click me with your mouse!” How modern. Valentina Monetta’s ode to Mark Zuckerberg’s creation was titled The Facebook Song until Eurovision bigwigs deemed it too much of an advert. Tweaking it to The Social Media Song, she tapped at a sparkly laptop on-stage. At least she didn’t shout at Twitter and throw her phone across the arena in fury.
Finland’s metal monsters (2006)
Pyro-fiends Lordi donned demonic wings and Viking corpse masks for Hard Rock Hallelujah, sung into an axe-shaped microphone. When the Slipknot-esque Scandinavians devil-horned their way to victory, it was the first time that a heavy metal act had won the pop-dominated contest.
Norway’s raunchy wolves (2022)
What could be more Eurovision than masked yellow wolves singing about phallic foodstuffs? Norway’s Subwoolfer went viral with for Red Riding Hood-themed banger Give That Wolf A Banana. And on Valentine’s Day, they released a remix called Give That Wolf A Romantic Banana. It’s what Cupid would’ve wanted.
Italy’s breakdancing gorilla (2017)
As a bloke in a gorilla suit bounded on all-fours towards singer Francesco Gabbani mid-performance, the audience feared it was a stage-invading animal rights protestor. But no, it was all planned as the simian Bez busted moves and hyped up the crowd. Occidentali’s Karma was a spiritual song about how we’re all “naked apes” on the inside, you see. Give that gorilla a banana.
Ukraine’s tinfoil drag queen (2007)
The contest hit new heights of camp when Ukrainian drag artist Verka Serduchka performed Europop anthem Danzing Lasha Tumbai in a Dolce & Gabbana-designed silver air hostess costume, with a Christmas tree decoration on his head and the number “69” written across his back. “Heavens above,” muttered commentator Terry Wogan. “And this is the favourite.” Verka finished runner-up and remains a national hero, so don’t rule out a guest cameo this year.
