And that is a wrap from me too. Thank you so much for reading, and joining in the comments. As ever it has been a blast, and by far my favourite night’s work of the year. Here are the main takeaways:
Sweden have won the Eurovision song contest for the seventh time.
Loreen became only the second person to win the contest twice, after her song tonight, Tattoo, followed her success with Euphoria in 2012.
The UK was hosting the contest in Liverpool on behalf of Ukraine. Ukraine’s Tvorchi came in sixth. The UK’s Mae Muller finished 25th, second-from-last.
Finland’s Käärijä came second overall with Cha Cha Cha, which had topped the popular vote.
Sweden will now host the 2024 contest on the 50th anniversary of Abba’s win with Waterloo.
Have a great rest of your night / day / afternoon. I am sure I will see you again somewhere around the Guardian’s website soon.
Here is the rest of our coverage tonight …
Josh Halliday on the victory for Sweden:
Jack Seale’s review for the Observer:
And from Nadeem Badshah a reminder of why the contest had to be held in Liverpool:
Here is the BBC’s social media sign off from the event. Presumably somebody at SVT has with a very heavy heart just opened up their new eurovision_2024_hosting_budget.xls file.
WHAT A NIGHT!
— BBC Eurovision (@bbceurovision) May 13, 2023
Thank you to our #Eurovision2023 acts, to our incredible hosts, to Liverpool for welcoming us, to Ukraine for allowing us the honour of hosting and to all of you across the world for joining us ❤️ pic.twitter.com/50nDrggRRK
PA media are carrying some words from Loreen after her historic victory – only the second person and the first woman to win the contest twice.
She said: “It feels crazy. This is so surreal, man, I’m happy and I’m thankful, I’m thankful to all you guys out there that voted for me.
“The only thing I feel right now is so much love. Not in my wildest dreams did I think this was going to happen.”
She said sitting and hearing the votes coming in was “so surreal”.
She added: “I’ve lived this performance for six months. It’s been my whole life basically.”
Italy’s contestant, Marco Mengoni, has posted a little clip of him backstage wearing some fairy wings.
THANK YOU ❤️#Eurovision2023 pic.twitter.com/Znbo2rAUPW
— Marco Mengoni (@mengonimarco) May 13, 2023
LucianEgon points out in the comments that once the results were announced there were “technicians working overtime to get that giant sunbed back on stage” for Loreen’s winning reprise.
I should imagine the technicians were especially annoyed, as they must have been halfway through reassembling Finland’s box!
Finland finished second with this, Cha Cha Cha by Käärijä.
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Actually why don’t I just embed the entire YouTube video of the semi-final performance? The little grey cells are working a bit slowly at this time of night.
In the unlikely event you were following this blog because you couldn’t actually watch the show, rather than “second-screening” along with it, here is a bit of Sweden’s winner.
The winning performance! Congratulations again, Loreen 🇸🇪#Eurovision2023 pic.twitter.com/xdlva57w9h
— BBC Eurovision (@bbceurovision) May 13, 2023
It hasn’t been an entirely popular victory for Sweden down below the line here tonight:
Lohtar said: “As an act of protest I shall Cha Cha Cha with my headphones on (not sure how the neighbours feel about Finland being robbed, or about getting sleep).”
Micktrick said: “Same as last year then. The best song finished second.”
Susanmarykelly said “Okay. I’m listening to it again and still don’t understand why Sweden won.”
I can see why Cha Cha Cha would have been a bolder choice, but sometimes you hoover up the popular vote by being a bit straght down the middle and picking up lots of eights, sevens and sixes even from the countries that haven’t given you a 12.
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On the BBC, Mel Giedroyc has just called Loreen “our new Eurovision queen”.
You sure?
I ❤️ Eurovision so much. Loreen is about to sing again, and then that is it, all over for 2023. What’s another year?
I’ll just leave it here that I called this at 21.01 BST:
This is great and it is going to win, isn’t it?
Eurovision 2023 – full results
Here are your full results:
FULL RESULTS ⬇️ #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/x4eMbMBCyc
— Eurovision Song Contest (@Eurovision) May 13, 2023
Sweden wins the 2023 Eurovision song contest!
Sweden has won the 67th Eurovision song contest in a helter skelter show that spanned chintzy Europop, anti-war protest and a continent’s support for Ukraine.
The Swedish singer-songwriter Loreen started the night as runaway favourites but faced a late challenge from Finland’s wildly-popular Käärijä, a fan favourite inside the raucous Liverpool Arena.
Her win means Sweden is now level with Ireland’s record seven Eurovision wins and Loreen, 39, becomes only the second performer to win the contest twice, after her anthemic 2012 hit Euphoria. The only other individual artist to win it more than once is Ireland’s Johnny Logan.
The UK’s Mae Muller failed to emulate the success of Sam Ryder’s second-placed Spaceman in Italy last year, finishing 25th, second-from-last, with her entry I Wrote A Song.
Updated
Israel gets 185 points moving them to second place. Just Sweden’s points left.
Only Israel or Sweden can stop Finland winning. Ooooooooooooooooh.
Finland take the lead for now. CHA! CHA! CHA!
Five countries left to get points. It is still Sweden’s to lose.
Spain have been stitched up with just five points from the public after doing a lot better with the juries. My favourite on the night Austria got just 16 points from the public. Heathens! Heathens all of you!
Norway and Ukraine have had big gains in the public vote so far, and currently sit second and third respectively.
UK’s Mae Muller finishes second-from-last in 2023 Eurovision song contest
The UK’s Mae Muller receives nine points in the public vote to add to 15 from the juries and will finish second-from-last. Germany have again finished last.
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Helice says in the comments: “I wonder if the juries were afraid of Loreen’s fingernails and thus gave her ‘douze points’ to be safe."
Sweden lead after the jury vote with 277 points. Italy are second with 148 points, Israel have 142 in third. The public votes are about to come in. This is when I get completely bamboozled because you should be able to work out how many points are left on the table, but I am too tired and never can 😆.
Doctor Who’s Catherine Tate gives the UK’s douze points to Sweden, and also slips in the David Tennant catchphrase “Allons-y!” too, much to my own personal joy.
The audience has broken out into a chant of “Cha Cha Cha”.
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“I feel like the long drawn-out bit where people are announcing the scores one by one should be for the fan votes rather than some faceless jury” says lvckvx in the comments and they are not wrong IMHO.
Whack all the jury votes up first, and then one-by-one do the public votes.
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✨✨✨ Twelve points from Greece to Cyprus Belgium! ✨✨✨
HANG ON WAIT WHAT!
but
✨✨✨ Use of the French language! ✨✨✨
The best jurors look like video game select screens.
CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTER pic.twitter.com/swSSixM1S6
— Nick Pettigrew🇺🇦 (@Nick_Pettigrew) May 13, 2023
CHOOSE YOUR FIGHTER pic.twitter.com/ZNqG22bqH8
— Nick Pettigrew🇺🇦 (@Nick_Pettigrew) May 13, 2023
30 juries down out of 37. Here are your top five:
1. Sweden – 277
2. Italy – 148
3. Israel – 142
4. Finland – 141
5. Estonia – 110
I am not vindictive* and I don’t hold a grudge** but I remember last year someone tweeting that I didn’t know what to write with the UK doing well and so I couldn’t be sarcastic and Guardian Brit-bashing about it. Sometimes people just read into what gets written in the Guardian what they want to read. I’d been so supportive of Sam Ryder, and I’m really feeling for Mae Muller here who is languishing on just ten points so far.
[*I am]
[**I do]
Cyprus in a flap because they can’t give 12 points to Greece, so they go to … Sweden. I think they have a 93-point cushion at the top now.
Updated
Einar Stefánsson, the Icelandic jury guy, doing an impression of Batman’s Bane or something, and taking absolutely forever to deliver the one word “Australia”. Come on mate, some of us have got work again in the morning.
Israel, Estonia and Finland make up the rest of the top five so far, but all of this will change ENTIRELY when the public votes are added. Sweden have built up a decent cushion so far.
We’ve got a break from the jury announcements to have a quick chat with early leader Loreen. She doesn’t seem entirely with it. She is possibly as tired as I feel. She has praised the “bloody amazing” audience in Liverpool.
Sweden currently lead and Italy are second. Marco Mengoni is also struggling to find words in his interview segment too.
The German jury guy, Elton, has produced a biscuit for some reason.
We are – I think – 13 juries in and Sweden, Italy and Israel are the frontrunners, but my favourites Austria just got the douze points from Belgium!
I know there are some Thursday quiz regulars in the comments who have been asking after Willow. I can confirm that this has all been a bit much for her this evening, and she has retired to a comfy blanket on the sofa with a resigned look.
Niamh Kavanagh, the 1993 winner, has delivered Ireland’s 12 points to Sweden, amid much joshing about having beaten Sonia into second place that year. Sonia is from Liverpool and appeared in the medley of songs from Liverpool.
The early pace-setters are Sweden, Israel, Lithuania, Estonia and Czechia after five juries.
The first jury is Ukraine. It is Zlata Ognevich, who competed in 2013. Sweden get the 12 points. I’m not going to write out every jury result – there are 37 to get through!
If I remember at this point the live blog mostly degenerates into me going “Ooooh!”, “Ah!”, “Terrible dress”, “I’m glad the Eiffel Tower is still there” and that sort of thing, as the jury vote comes in.
Public voting closes in the 2023 Eurovision song contest
The voting is over! We will get a bit more preamble and then we will be into the impossible to follow segment where the juries give their votes. Then one by one each country will get the points from the public added to their total, and there will be a winner. It usually takes approximately 100 years!
You get lots of brands trying to associate themselves with Eurovision, but Deliveroo genuinely made me laugh out loud this week when I got a press release declaring that they had launched phonetic ‘Deliver-pudlian’ menus to help visitors learn the lingo and order food while staying for Eurovision.
Atomic Kitten’s Natasha Hamilton was supporting it, saying “As a Liverpudlian who is very passionate about music, seeing Liverpool host Eurovision this year was incredible. The city was buzzing with over 100,000 tourists this May – all able to enjoy the uniqueness of our accent. I really feel that everyone got to experience the best side of Liverpool over the last week!”
The phonetic menus were launched in five restaurants. Obviously as a rude and arrogant English person, I order food abroad by just pointing at things and bellowing in English, but it was nice to see someone making the effort.
I wish to declare, in the interests of journalistic integrity, that I voted for Austria.
Updated
The medley of Liverpool music has finished with a rousing chorus of You’ll Never Walk Alone which also included a video link-up with Ukraine, with a youth choir in Kyiv. It has gone down incredibly emotionally in the room.
Just had one of those live blogging nightmares where my TV decided it needed to switch itself off because I haven’t pressed a button recently enough. Hang on! I’m working on this! Come back!
We are now going to get a medley of famous contributions to music from Liverpool, sung by Eurovision stars. And here’s a reminder of why we are in Liverpool tonight, and not Kyiv or Lviv or Odesa or Mariupol and so on …
Russia attacked Ternopil, where @TvorchiOfficial are from, right before their performance at Eurovision.@TvorchiOfficial took this sign to show support for their hometown. We stand with Ternopil and all people in Ukraine who experienced the attack. pic.twitter.com/pswl2srymC
— UNITED24.media (@United24media) May 13, 2023
This has made me laugh. I’m just taking a breather for a couple of minutes before the madness of the vote count unfolds.
i keep imaging that Serbian singer checking out of his hotel tomorrow, discovering there's a train strike on, then singing his emo lament on the platform.
— John Bull (@garius) May 13, 2023
Ewan Spence of the ESC Insight website, home of the unofficial Eurovision song contest podcast, told me earlier that Liverpool has embraced Eurovision like no other host city.
Everywhere you look is the logo, every song you hear is a Eurovision song (with a dash of The Beatles), and the Eurovision Village will be the biggest Eurovision party in the world.
And the delegations are in the middle of that, be it from organised tours, meeting fans in the various clubs, bars, and the massive Eurovillage, and a few are living out their dreams of playing in the Cavern Club. Even if it was at ten in the morning.
I’ve just been wanting to circle back to this because I still can’t find the words for what happened on the show during one of the interludes between the songs. Mel Giedroyc was churning behind Hannah Waddingham. It was incredible.
CHURN 🧈 #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/QMw1JDK64v
— Eurovision Song Contest (@Eurovision) May 13, 2023
She was of course channelling one of the all-time great stage presentations, when Donatan & Cleo sang My Słowianie (We are Slavic) while doing a lot of churning, which for some reason attracted a lot of the straight male and gay female vote.
I was working on a data-journalism site called Ampp3d in those days, and I remember doing a story that the UK’s jury had given them zero points, but the UK public had given them the top marks.
A great, great quote from the time from one of the judges: “I’d say it was soft porn. It was two boobs too far for me. I was shocked to see something like that on a family show.”
Updated
Sam Ryder is the interval act here, doing the obligatory “George Michael at the Olympics” and performing a new single instead of the one everyone wants to hear. Queen’s Roger Taylor is thumping the drums for him.
I love Sam Ryder though. His New Year’s Eve show blew Jools Holland’s effort out of the water.
My colleague Monika Cvorak has been hosting a Eurovision watchalong, and this is her verdict on the night:
I know at this point it feels like 100 years ago, but I have to say I actually really enjoyed Spain, I thought it was so engaging and original, and the singer really gave it her all. It was the first time during the show that my Eurovision watch party attenders actually fell silent while watching the show, so that says something! Though I’m watching with a majority of people from Spanish-speaking countries, so that may have influenced it …
I also thought Albania was really good – so emotional and powerful. Loved it.
I know I said I don’t get the hype around Finland but I admit I sung and danced along to it so maybe I’m slowly becoming a convert … though maybe the daiquiri I served as a welcome drink helped with that!
Honorary mention to Norway: I thought the performance was a well-executed, textbook-energetic Eurovision crowd-pleaser and I’m thankful Norway delivered on that this year. But I’m slightly biased because I think they were robbed of the title in 2019 and I’m still waiting for justice.
I’m still in love with Moldova and Lithuania and if they do well I will be the happiest woman alive.
Also honorary mention to my home country of Slovenia because my friends are peer-pressuring me for not mentioning it in the preview (I still think the boys are cute but the song is boring though).
And sadly I’m still worried about the UK getting overall nul points … Let’s hope I’m wrong!
Updated
Phew. That’s the song bit over. It is always quite a scramble to follow that live and blog it! Thank you so much everybody for reading so far. And you’ve been perfectly lovely in the comments too.
I think it has been a really high standard this year, very few absolute duds. Sweden, Finland, Norway, the UK, France, Italy, Moldova or Israel would all seem like worthy winners to me.
Voting begins for the 2023 Eurovision song contest winner!
Voting has opened for the results of the 2023 Eurovision song contest. Here is a reminder of how it works:
The semi-finals were determined purely by public vote, but the Grand Final retains a jury plus public vote system. When the last song has played – Mae Muller’s I Wrote a Song – voting will open. After that there will be some music performances, and then we are into the nail-biting result process.
First we get points from the juries country by country, read out by a national representative, who usually takes slightly too long to do it, thus causing the show to overrun. After all of the jury scores are in, we have the half-time interim results table.
Then the public votes are added to each song in turn, starting with the song lying in 26th place. Songs can get up to 12 points from each country, and this year there is an additional set of points from “the rest of the world”, as the contest is open to anybody to vote. So songs popular with the public can literally add hundreds of points to their tally at a stroke, regardless of where the juries placed them.
The keen-eyed among you will spot that this means as we get closer to the top, songs in sixth, fifth, fourth place etc start leaping over the interim leader. But the interim leader is the last one to have their public points added, so you pretty much never know what the final result will be until there are only two or three more scores to be added.
It looks good, but will it be enough to go one step further than Sam Ryder last year?
26: 🇬🇧 United Kingdom: Mae Muller - I Wrote a Song
The UK got the last slot via a random draw. I really hope for her sakes this does well. It is a great little pop song, but whether it is as good as the other great little pop songs tonight I’m not so sure. She has thrown heart and soul into being the UK’s representative this year though, so, while acknowledging this is a blog for everyone, everywhere, I’ve got my fingers firmly crossed for her.
Updated
You will be seeing this on Eurovision clip shows for years. I love it. It is exactly the kind of thing that only Eurovision seems to be able to deliver on this global scale. It isn’t so much pop music as performance art. Let 3, I salute you!
It’s the hairy legs for me.
Updated
25: 🇭🇷 Croatia: Let 3 - Mama ŠČ!
THIS ON THE OTHER HAND. I was so pleased this got through the semi-final because it is proper WTF performance art Eurovision. They are a punk band who have been knocking around since the late 1980s and this is very clearly about war, with allusions to Vladimir Putin and the Belarus leader Alexander Lukashenko, if in a rather surreal way. Incredible Eurovision stuff.
They are massive in Slovenia, but I don’t get what the flower power style has to do with the song, which is kind of sub-The Vamps boyband rock, and then some hideous air guitar gurning. Sorry. Really don’t like this one. Sometimes you just have to call it how you see it.
24: 🇸🇮 Slovenia: Joker Out - Carpe Diem
I’m going to be honest, I don’t get this one at all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
✨✨✨ An entirely different song arrives two-thirds of the way through! ✨✨✨
I just think that at some point there was a project meeting about the staging and someone said “We haven’t really shown off Noa’s breaking skills, shall we just do that for the last 30 seconds instead of singing the chorus again?”, and bless them, they went with it.
Updated
23: 🇮🇱 Israel: Noa Kirel - Unicorn
Noa Kirel is a big star domestically, and this has got a good shot at winning if you ask me. Which you didn’t, but you are here on the live blog, so my opinions kind of come with it. It has an uplifting empowerment message, she’s been quite charming around the event by all accounts, and the staging is good. But by far the best thing about this is that an entirely different song arrives two-thirds of the way through just so she can do a manic solo dance routine.
You can’t hear the crowd that loudly on the TV broadcast – but inside the Liverpool Arena their support can massively boost the acts. That’s why the performers do their best to get the crowd cheering for them in the few seconds before the lights go up and they start their television performance.
The crowd response makes it pretty clear who are the favourites among fans in the arena – including Austria, Italy, and Finland.
22: 🇱🇹 Lithuania: Monika Linkytė - Stay
This is a bit of a lull before the storm of the final few tracks. She has a great voice, and it has got something about it, there’s a little hint of Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God) in the drum rhythm in the chorus, but I can’t see this troubling the higher places at all.
I wonder if Germany are in a similar kind of lull that the UK was in pre-Sam Ryder. With automatic qualification to the final guaranteed, there’s little jeopardy in whatever you pick, leading to just being risk-averse and sending song after song that is unlikely to connect with the audience. Since 2013, Michael Schulte’s You Let Me Walk Alone hitting fourth place in 2018 is the only time they have finished higher than 18th, and they’ve had six entries finish 25th or below. But this could change that, couldn’t it. Great fun!
Updated
21: 🇩🇪 Germany: Lord of the Lost - Blood & Glitter
“Scream for me Liverpooooooooool!”
This is a fun, fun, fun burst of Satanic rock fun. Just look at it!
I think this is great and is going to do very well, it is very epic from the opening second and you can’t say her delivery lacks “Ooooomph!” can you?
Presumably Alessandra had her costume sorted out before watching Penny Mordaunt at the coronation at the weekend. I’m sorry. I spent ten hours live-blogging the coronation. I’ve got Penny Mordaunt on the brain.
Updated
20: 🇳🇴 Norway: Alessandra - Queen of Kings
Alessandra was born in Italy, but has been living in Norway for a couple of years, and this track keeps threatening to break out into a Game of Thrones/dungeons and dragons remix of Depeche Mode’s Personal Jesus, just lacking a bit of twangy guitar. I’m not saying she has a high note flourish, but you might need to put earplugs in your dog for the finale of this one.
It is about this time of the night that I remember that when I’ve done this many posts on a live blog, my browser starts getting very laggy, and my children are now learning some exciting new words that are currently being hurled at my laptop.
19: 🇺🇦 Ukraine: TVORCHI - Heart of Steel
One of tonight’s main attractions. It is quite a contrast to last year’s more folk-tinged hip-hop of Stefania. The duo said part of the inspiration for the song was watching the resilience of the defenders of Mariupol in the Azovstal iron and steelworks early in the war last year.
Updated
As MzAnneThrope puts it in the comments: “Moldova: Weird sex shaman, flute ewok, scorpion hairdos. ALL THE POINTS!”
My favourite thing about the flute guy is him having to stop pretending to play it every time he has to execute one of the jumps.
These costumes make them look like a new race of people introduced in season five of Game of Thrones, that look like they are going to play a major role, and then disappear after two episodes.
And several years later you suddenly find yourself going “Oh yeah. What *did* happen to ‘The Vineyard People From Beyond The Great Wave’ or whatever they were called?”
18: 🇲🇩 Moldova: Pasha Parfeni - Soarele şi Luna
The official Eurovision Twitter account described that as an “Ethno-banger” so I feel I can use that word. It is the high-energy counterpart to earlier’s Albanian effort, and I much prefer this. Also, no Eurovision final is complete without the deployment of some archaic native instrument and I’m delighted Moldova have broken out a mountain-herder nose flute, or whatever that is.
17: 🇦🇲 Armenia: Brunette - Future Lover
Just like Serbia’s Luke Blake, Armenia’s entry is named after her hair colour. I sort of like it, but the first time I heard it I kept expecting it to kick on into a full four-to-the-floor banger … and it did not. But I’ve got more used to the fact that doesn’t happen. I don’t think it will win, but it is enjoyable. Incredible boots as well.
My colleague Josh Halliday is in the press centre at the contest itself, and he tells me, and I quote, it “went off” for Finland.
The world’s press has gathered around VERY excited Finnish journalists for Cha Cha Cha.
— Josh Halliday (@JoshHalliday) May 13, 2023
Ladies and gentleman, I think we have a favourite - in the #Eurovision media centre at least. pic.twitter.com/pXQtfYQ0y0
ESC insight’s Ewan Spence told me that the atmosphere at the rehearsals and run-throughs has been fantastic this year – and provided a few unexpected moments.
Everyone loves a little peak behind the scenes, so for the final rehearsals where the shows are almost ready but need a final few checks, the audience arrives.
And that adds something unique – the adrenaline of a live crowd.
The performers love that, the audience love it back, and the whole process moves from a printed script to a natural flow.
And with this being the hottest ticket in town, it means more chances to see a little bit of unique Eurovision history … after all the moments of Hannah ‘ssh-ing’ a heckler is unlikely to happen again on the live broadcast.
Ewan is referring to a little screen recording from one of the rehearsals which leaked on social media and showed Hannah Waddingham dealing with someone who appeared to shout “Portugal” at a crucial moment in rehearsal proceedings.
I love Hannah Waddingham #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/ANzNkpjGh9
— Denzel 🇫🇮🇸🇮🇫🇷🇧🇪 (@DenzelDiMare) May 12, 2023
Britain’s ambassador to Ukraine has reminded everyone why the show is in Liverpool tonight.
Meanwhile, this #Eurovision night Ukraine is under another Russian missile attack. Reminder that the reason why 🇺🇦 could not host this event is because 🇷🇺 continues to invade and the people of 🇺🇦 live in continuing danger.
— Dame Melinda Simmons (@MelSimmonsFCDO) May 13, 2023
16: 🇧🇪 Belgium: Gustaph - Because Of You
This guy has got a bit of a 90s Boy George look to him, without quite having the power in his voice to carry it off. It is nice enough, if a bit generic if you ask me. But it seems to be proving hugely popular and is maybe in with an outside shout.
Every lead singer is performing live tonight – but Eurovision rules allow almost every other aspect of performances to be pre-recorded.
While the main singer has to sing their vocals live on stage, backing vocals can be pre-recorded on a backing tape. However, there’s a ban on miming – so you can’t have a someone on stage pretending to perform backing vocals if they’re not actually singing live.
There’s also a total ban on any instruments being plugged in because the logistics challenge would be too much. So all music is pre-recorded.
If you see a musician on stage then they’re just playing along to a backing track. Which does allow for some fairly extraordinary air keytar performances.
If you ever fancy moving to Australia after this performance and need some immigration advice then try asking singer Daniel Estrin – in his day job he works as an immigration lawyer.
15: 🇦🇺 Australia: Voyager - Promise
This is cracking from Australia, and manages to seem to be about three genres at once. And all of them genres I like.
Reminded me a bit of School of Seven Bells.
This has really grown on me, a feminist anthem. Mid-paced by still very catchy. They transition between the signing and rap delivery bits better than some.
Updated
14: 🇨🇿 Czechia / Czech Republic: Vesna - My Sister's Crown
I’ve got a battle going on here between me, Eurovision, and the Guardian style guide. Czechia are competing as Czechia for the very first time, but our style guide very firmly says Czech Republic. Please don’t write in, whatever I put I’m upsetting somebody.
At least Türkiye / Turkey gave up on Eurovision years ago.
Finland’s Käärijä had by far the biggest reaction from the crowd in the Liverpool Arena during the various warm-ups and the shout of “Cha Cha Cha” has become a regular chant around Liverpool in recent days. If audience reaction is anything to go by, he’s the one that could beat Sweden.
✨✨✨ A human centipede is formed! ✨✨✨
Eurovision’s first – and hopefully last – human centipede.
✨✨✨ An entirely different song arrives two-thirds of the way through! ✨✨✨
I mean, maybe not entirely different, but it is like someone slapped them round the face and shouted get to the chorus and make it catchy and have a silly dance and here we all are. I think this will do well with the public, but the jury might be a bit snobbier about it.
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13: 🇫🇮 Finland: Käärijä - Cha Cha Cha
This is tipped to do well and is a bit of an odd one. When I first heard it I was like, oh yes, if I had been in a club in 1987 and you sandwiched this between Nitzer Ebb and Front 242 I would have been “Yeah shouty Finnish electronic body music, let’s go!”, however, at some point they are going to suddenly remember they are on Eurovision and want to win it and … well … you’ll see.
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Mystery solved on Twitter.
If you’re wondering who was playing the piano it was Edgar Allan Poe’s ghost who was summoned earlier in the show. #eurovision #draweurovision pic.twitter.com/ucl2BGH7Le
— Neil Watson-Slorance (@neilslorance) May 13, 2023
12: 🇪🇪 Estonia: Alika - Bridges
Every Eurovision final needs a ballad, and we were a little short on them to be honest. So it was good to see Alika progress to the final along with her piano that plays itself. Yes, that’s a bingo winner isn’t it?
✨✨✨ Ludicrous musical instruments appear! ✨✨✨
Thankfully someone remembered to bring a spangly vest-top this year. He’s got a very powerful voice on this hasn’t he? It is a good performance. The staging is a bit dull maybe? It is a stadium ballad and the crowd are accordingly getting their mobile phone lights out.
11: 🇮🇹 Italy: Marco Mengoni - Due Vite
Another new one on me. I can’t believe we are 11 songs in already. It is flying by.
Updated
This lot are all, genuinely, one big happy family.
10: 🇦🇱 Albania: Albina & Familja Kelmendi - Duje
A couple of songs tonight lean into the tried-and-tested Eurovision formula of being a modern dance tune that leans into traditional folk music and traditional dress costumes, and this is one of them. But I found it curiously low energy for what it is. Albania have never finished higher than fifth and this will surely not trouble the record book writers on that score.
This is great and it is going to win, isn’t it?
There is something very Kate Bush Lionheart era about her prowling around there. But by all accounts it looks an awful lot better on your tellybox at home than it does for the people who have actually paid to be at the show.
✨✨✨ A performance is designed to look great on TV but looks terrible in the hall! ✨✨✨
🎥 Live TV Vs Arena view! Loreen “tattoo” semifinal 1.#eurovision2023 #eurovision #esc2023 #UnitedByMusic #Sweden pic.twitter.com/hKYptjGqPv
— wiwibloggs (@wiwibloggs) May 10, 2023
9: 🇸🇪 Sweden: Loreen - Tattoo
Loreen and her Wolverine fingers are bidding to be Sweden’s seventh Eurovision victory, and it would be her second victory, having won with Euphoria in 2012. Tattoo isn’t 100 miles away stylistically from that, and is very much a favourite going into tonight’s event. She would be only the second person to ever win the contest twice as a solo artist – Ireland’s Johnny Logan being the other. I would not bet against her doing it. Not least of which because she could have your eyes out with those and I am a bit scared.
Sir Terry Wogan (1938-2016)
At this point, the UK traditionally invites you to raise a glass in memory of Terry Wogan.
For balance, I should add that not every Eurovision fan agrees with this tradition.
While this Junior Eurovision promo is going on, I should mention that I spoke to Ewan Spence of the ESC Insight website, which hosts the unofficial Eurovision song contest podcast. One of the things I asked him was whether he felt that hosting it this year might shift or dispel some of the negative perceptions in the UK about the contest. He said:
It’s going to take time to shift stereotypes – no doubt “it’s all politics everyone hates us” will be shouted from the usual quarters no matter the result.
What it has reinforced is the power of Eurovision to be a safe space and welcoming home for the LGBTQIA+ community.
Eurovision is diverse, inclusive, and accepting.
The power of being represented on a television that is broadcast around the world, represented and acknowledged, represented and being loved, will always be there.
The Eurovision song contest shows the world can be a better place. The rest of the world just needs to catch up.
Ummmmmm, ok. This is all over the place. I think it might have really grown on me if I had listened to it in advance.
My 10-year-old son says “maybe it is catchy in Spanish?” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
8: 🇪🇸 Spain: Blanca Paloma - Eaea
Another automatic qualifier that I haven’t heard all the way through before. So I don’t know the song, but she’s going to get block voting support from the Swifties.
🚨 EUROPEAN SWIFTIES!
— adri (@cardigoat) May 10, 2023
Blanca Paloma 🕊️, Spain’s 🇪🇸 representative for this year’s #Eurovision Song Contest, is a long term #swiftie and her song EAEA is a tribute to Taylor’s music (The Archer 🏹 and the RED🧣 album) so don’t forget to vote for her this saturday! #TSTheErasTour pic.twitter.com/riNiXka887
The waterfall down the back is giving me Duran Duran The Reflex video vibes and, yes, all my pop culture references are the 1980s. I’m 51. It is what it is.
#totp Love the Duran Duran “The Reflex” video. Bloody tsunami comes out the screen over the audience, and one guy gets a pail of water on his bonce…. pic.twitter.com/y8MvZOlzTQ
— Dave Smith (@smudge2k1) May 5, 2023
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“The lad from Cyprus looks like a werewolf from Twilight and howls like one, too!” says Tallandboring in the comments. They are impressive high notes.
7: 🇨🇾 Cyprus: Andrew Lambrou - Break A Broken Heart
The fact that Andrew Lambrou was born in Australia probably won’t stop this getting the traditional “Δώδεκα βαθμοί από την Ελλάδα” later tonight, but I’m not sure I can see where many other points are coming from. It’s generic pop from a generic muscle man in a sleeveless jacket, and I don’t think that is enough to cut it at the highest level of Eurovision any more.
They are doing a recap of Eurovision week. Here are a bunch of pictures of Hannah Waddingham, plus some other people instead, just because I can.
In truth I think Alesha Dixon and Julia Sanina have both been great as well, even if Hannah has somewhat overshadowed them.
What viewers at home can’t see is the incredible logistics operation, run by the BBC’s production team, to get the stage ready for each act. When one song finishes, television viewers see promotional films of the next act’s country.
But in the Liverpool Arena they have just 45 seconds to clear the stage, get the stage swept, wheel on the next set of props and ensure the musicians are in place.
France’s La Zarra was a particular challenge, with six men holding down her flowing dress while hydraulics raised the singer into the air – but they made it just in time for the lights to go up.
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Blimey, that is tall. It is a huge French ballad that breaks into huge French disco. This has some hype behind it and could do well. I like it. That is a tall platform to be on. I’ve got giddy just looking at it.
6: 🇫🇷 France: La Zarra – Évidemment
I tend to allow myself the luxury of avoiding hearing the automatic qualifiers in advance so you can enjoy my honest spontaneous reaction to first hearing it, and then as they start I panic and remember how hard it is to type out your verdict on a song and get a decent pic into the blog when you’ve only got two minutes and fifty-five seconds to play with. Idiot.
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This is one of the best uses of the on-screen graphics you will see in tonight’s show, as we break out into a videogame fight sequence. Always strikes me as a bit mad that videogames are still often viewed as a niche nerdy activity for kids when people my age were playing Pac-Man and Space Invaders back in the 1860s and it is the biggest grossing entertainment industry out there. Go on, critical hit, whack him!
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Low-key Nine Inch Nails vibes to this, aren’t there?
We all enjoyed Luke’s mystified reaction to them trotting out Ireland’s Dustin the Turkey during an interlude in the first semi-final.
same luka, same #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/OAGWjcC2GN
— Lu 🌸 in my 🇪🇺vision era (@SpaceGalLu) May 9, 2023
5: 🇷🇸 Serbia: Luke Black - Samo Mi Se Spava
Contrary to what I understand is the received wisdom in the TikTok/Spotify age – that songs need to start with a bang and a hook – this has quite a slow and abstract build-up. Luke Black wrote it himself. It translates as “I just wanna sleep”, but it is only song five Luke and this party has got several hours to go, mate.
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“Poe Poe Poe” is trending on Twitter in the UK. Well done Teya and Salena.
4: 🇵🇱 Poland: Blanka - Solo
I find myself conflicted about this because they are clearly going for a very 80s retro feel with the VHS overlay and background images, the track itself has a joyful Ace of Base-ish 90s vibe to it … and yet … it leaves me not so much ‘blanka’ as a bit blank.
Is it wrong to suggest that the shortness of the shorts may have been a factor in this qualifying, because it really doesn’t seem to get out of “generic pop” mode?
Here is what the hosts lineup looks like if you aren’t actually watching along with the blog, which I assume most of you are.
3: 🇨🇭 Switzerland: Remo Forrer - Watergun
I’m not saying this is bland but when it qualified I couldn’t remember anything about it, and then went to look at my notes, and found I had written down precisely nothing about it. It is early, but you could easily have a comfort break or put the kettle on during this, sorry Remo. It has a heartfelt anti-war sentiment, but I don’t think it will trouble the scorers.
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These costumes very much obeying Eurovision’s unwritten Facebook-style rule that female-presenting nipples need to be covered up, but a bit of red gauze over male-presenting nipples is just fine, dandy, and frankly, positively encouraged.
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2: 🇵🇹 Portugal: Mimicat - Ai Coração
If you put a black and white filter on the footage of this and told me it was an entry from Eurovision in 1972, I think you would have fooled me. Will people go for a retro-Iberian peninsula cabaret act with a feather-y dress? The crowd went wild for it in the semi-finals. Mimicat first entered Eurovision in 2001, and I think this may end up near the top of the scoreboard at the end of the night. Second is a tough slot, though.
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This is an absolute bop, I love it.
The line “zero dot zero zero three” isn’t some kind numerical morse code, it is a reference to the amount of royalties artists get paid by Spotify for a stream. “At least it pays to be funny” they observe. Not for live bloggers, it doesn’t, not for live bloggers, I don’t get anything extra if you laugh. But I hope you will.
There’s something quite Sparks-ish about the choice of subject matter and the delivery, making this very much in my wheelhouse. Poe! Poe! Poe! Poe! Poe! Poe! Poe! Poe! Poe! Poe!
1: 🇦🇹 Austria: Teya & Salena - Who The Hell Is Edgar?
“All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream” – this is a cracking start to the show and superb Eurovision fodder, a song about being possessed by the ghost of author Edgar Allan Poe by a hyperactive Austrian duo who met at a talent school and set their heart on qualifying for Europe.
Hannah Waddingham’s French turns have been an absolute highlight every night.
✨✨✨ Use of the French language! ✨✨✨
Yes to more of this please.
DAAANCING! 🪩 #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/7SmNjZ2UDW
— Eurovision Song Contest (@Eurovision) May 13, 2023
Here are some of the first pictures of the opening sequence, featuring the flag parade punctuated with Ukrainian entries from competitions from years gone by.
Verka Serduchka has just rocked up. The show may have peaked for me already 😅.
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Oh my heart it is Go_A with Shum. Probably my favourite ever Eurovision song.
We can have a …
✨✨✨ Ludicrous musical instruments appear! ✨✨✨
… as well
It is my considered opinion that the show is long enough already without needing to import the flag parade from the Olympics … but … everyone loves it, don’t they?
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Here are the royals tweeting about finally getting on to Eurovision. Imagine how many articles the Mail Online is going to write about this tonight. “Meghan snubs Eurovision etc etc”
A #Eurovision surprise 🎹
— The Prince and Princess of Wales (@KensingtonRoyal) May 13, 2023
A pleasure to join Kalush Orchestra in a special performance of last year's winning @eurovision entry.
Enjoy the show, Liverpool 🪩 pic.twitter.com/y4WDuWvOvb
Here’s a reminder of our bingo cards. We’ve already had …
✨✨✨ Someone is back performing at Eurovision again! ✨✨✨
The opening sequence featured Catherine, Princess of Wales joining in. I can’t live blog anything these days without the royals showing up.
A royal welcome to the #Eurovision Grand Final 👑 pic.twitter.com/ioKFjC9oph
— Eurovision Song Contest (@Eurovision) May 13, 2023
And it’s a go! A special version of Ukraine’s winner from last year starts the show, featuring the Kalush Orchestra, Sam Ryder and Andrew Lloyd-Webber so far.
OK we are a couple of minutes away. Are you excited? I am excited. Let’s go!
Jim Waterson, the Guardian’s media editor, is in Liverpool for us:
Liverpool has been completely taken over by Eurovision, with the city truly embracing its role as a stand-in host for Ukraine.
Almost every wall, shop and lamp-post in the city centre carries a sign featuring the event’s official slogan “United by Music”. Merchandise has sold out as fans buy up everything that’s available, from key rings to T-shirts. The bars and clubs near the waterfront Liverpool Arena have been rammed late into the night.
If you walk through the city wearing a Eurovision lanyard you’ll encounter Liverpudlians who want to discuss how proud they are that the city is hosting the contest – even if they aren’t interested in Eurovision themselves.
Many people still feel that Eurovision is about a single event: tonight’s grand final.
But for Liverpool the event has lasted weeks, as the BBC has transformed the Arena with hi-tech staging. In recent days the whole of Liverpool has become a giant party, as tens of thousands of fans turned up from across Europe and the rest of the world to attend dress rehearsals and the semi-final contests.
The fan zones around the Liverpool Arena have been at capacity, aided by the local council which has put millions into supporting the event, with trains running until 3am to ensure the city can continue to party. Even football had to take second billing, with Everton’s home fixture against Manchester City moved to a Sunday to make way for Mae Muller.
Eurovision regulars, who follow the annual competition around the continent, say some cities fail to embrace the contest. Liverpool has shown them how to host a party.
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I did have elaborate plans to be in Liverpool myself this week, which involved making a trip across the country having been to see League Two champions Leyton Orient in action in Bradford on Monday. However, it wasn’t to be. I’m in Walthamstow.
My sister Sue has been there today, at the last rehearsal for the final, and in true sibling fashion has been very chilled about reminding me that she is going and I am not.
Not really, she has been very gracious about it, and has gone with a friend of ours who has flown over from the Netherlands to be there. Erica has messaged me a cryptic summary of what they’ve seen today: “playful pyrotechnic party”.
Talking of siblings, Andy Routledge emailed me earlier to ask for a shout-out for his brother Tim, who is the lighting designer tonight. Andy says “He’s incredibly talented and we’re all very proud of what he’s achieved since we grew up on a council estate in Wolverhampton. He even met the King and Queen at the opening ceremony.”
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My colleague Robyn Vinter is having a Eurovision snack crisis in Leeds.
Genuine request: if anyone's on their way into the Eurovision fanzone in #Leeds can you please bring us a big bag of skittles? https://t.co/mvnU1p4zDt
— Robyn Vinter (@RobynVinter) May 13, 2023
There are 15 minutes to go until showtime. You’ve probably still got enough time to read through Alexis Petridis’s comprehensive ranking of every Eurovision winner ever.
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I’m not saying that there is a lot of similar choreography or ideas of how to use the LED screens in tonight’s show, but if you saw the semi-finals, you know exactly what this tweet means.
every artist this year #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/ROjCq1DR5z
— :) (@xnyled) May 11, 2023
Mention of Dancing Lasha Tumbai reminds me that Ukraine’s entrants in 2021, Go_A, did an incredibly deadpan and austere cover version of it, complete with minimalist dancing from Kateryna Pavlenko.
We will, I believe, be seeing both Go_A and Verka Serduchka later tonight, at which point I shall presumably go on again at great length about how Shum should have won in 2021, and about how I went to see Go_A live in London last year and IT WAS BRILLIANT!
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Monika Cvorak is the Guardian’s editor for breaking news and sports video, and perhaps more importantly for tonight, she is a huge Eurovision fan. I asked her what she was looking forward to.
I’m interested to see who will win if Sweden doesn’t! Though I was a bit disappointed with the song. I was expecting another Euphoria-type mesmerising performance and Tattoo is a lot more subdued. But Loreen’s voice is incredible and she is a Eurovision legend so she will undoubtedly do very well.
I love a bit of Eurovision weirdness but I just don’t get the hype around Finland’s entry. To me, it’s trying really hard to be another Dancing Lasha Tumbai (my all-time favourite) but it just can’t compete. I wonder if the hype will actually materialise in the results – I have a feeling the jury vote might swing things the other way for them.
I’m rooting for Austria, Moldova (I told you I like weirdness) and Lithuania (amazing voice). It will be interesting to see how well Ukraine does, and I really hope the UK entry doesn’t get the dreaded overall nul points but I fear it might …
A big change this year is that they’ve expanded the voting option from only participating countries to the entire world, with all of those votes carrying the weight of one participating country. So that will definitely make for a very interesting results segment.
But honestly what I’m most looking forward to is Hannah Waddingham! She was hilarious in the semi-finals and I think she should host every Eurovision from now on.
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If you’ve ever wondered what it looks like being in the middle of the Eurovision media scrum, here is Finland’s Käärijä.
If you want an idea of the songs that might be in contention and a good draw in your party sweepstake, here is an exit poll of people leaving the rehearsal for the final, asking people who they think will win. The top ten was:
1. Finland
2. Sweden
3. Belgium
4. Norway
5. Austria
6. Australia
7. France
8. UK
9. Israel
10. Spain
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Frances Ryan’s column is worth your time: Eurovision represents everything that is nonsensically termed ‘woke’ – that’s what makes it so special
GB News has taken the boldly patriotic move of *checks notes* rallying against the UK’s entry, Mae Muller, on the grounds she is a “foul mouthed Britain-hating fanatic”. Muller’s crimes apparently include previously supporting Jeremy Corbyn and criticising the government for failing to provide free school meals.
It is amazing how quickly the people so concerned about “snowflakes” can wet themselves because a woman singing a song holds differing opinions to them. For the professionally miserable, Eurovision represents everything that is now nonsensically termed “woke”: diverse, unifying, tolerant. In an era future historians will surely be terming the Bin Fire, I can’t help but think we could do with more of that, not less.
Read more here: Frances Ryan – Eurovision represents everything that is nonsensically termed ‘woke’. That’s what makes it so special
One of the things I love about Eurovision is the way it combines the magic of glitter and sequins with the kind of statistical obsession you would usually associate with one-day cricket. “No country has ever won after appearing fourth in the second semi-final with a song written in D minor*” and that sort of thing. Our data team have had a look at the winners over the years and come up with these conclusions among others:
Pop is virtually the only pathway to the confetti-strewn podium. Our analysis shows that just five non-pop songs have placed within the top three since 2000.
Songs in minor keys are on the up and have taken a prominent place since 2000, with two-thirds of the entries securing a top-three spot now sung in a minor scale.
According to the data, if you want to win the competition in the modern era, you are more likely to do so as a solo artist.
There’s more of that kind of thing – and some rather nifty charts – here:
[*Please don’t factcheck this. I made it up]
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In the UK it is traditional to raise a glass to the late great Terry Wogan at the start of song nine, after his many years associated with the show over here.
I’ll also be raising a glass to someone else tonight – a dear friend of mine and former colleague Paul Condon, who we sadly lost in 2019. He was a huge Eurovision fan, and also part of the Doctor Who family as well.
Graeme Burk, who runs the Reality Bomb podcast that I sometimes contribute to, once paid tribute to Paul saying he was “the most delightful gossip, the funniest raconteur, a thoughtful and incisive critic and writer, an incredible DJ, a wonderful best friend to Jim and a devoted son. I can’t think of him without a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. Talking to him always brightened my life.”
Paul was an absolute legend, and they even named a character in Doctor Who after him after we lost him.
Remembering Paul Condon. We knew each other on Twitter and I know he meant an awful lot to so many of my friends.
— Jenny ☕️ (@bluebox99) May 10, 2023
I love that he now has a Judoon Captain ‘Pol-Kon-Don named after him. I reckon he would have loved that. pic.twitter.com/lKbjMeazO3
All of his friends and family still miss him very much, especially at Eurovision time. He would have been absolutely made up that Liverpool was hosting, and it is such a shame he didn’t get to see this day. Rest well, Paul.
🙌
ONE HOUR TO SHOWTIME! 😱 #Eurovision pic.twitter.com/P3wSRMIvpl
— Eurovision Song Contest (@Eurovision) May 13, 2023
Not all of the best sights tonight will be on the stage. Here are some great pictures of fans arriving for the show.
Once a year our music editor Ben Beaumont-Thomas gets to cast his ear over the new crop of Eurovision entries and pick a few for you to look out for. Not unsurprisingly he has Loreen’s Tattoo down as his pick of the bunch, writing:
With a fringe so powerful it made Claudia Winkleman’s look meek and retiring, Loreen won the Eurovision song contest in 2012 with Euphoria, which has a good claim to be the competition’s greatest song of all time. Tectonic plates have collided with greater dynamic subtlety but Loreen’s beseeching vocal was electric, even moving and her crab dance became the stuff of legend.
Now she is back to try to become the first woman to win twice, and the bookies think she has it sewn up already. The fringe is a little more feathered – didn’t her stylists know the story of Samson? – and Tattoo is maybe 10% less formidable than Euphoria, but still: Loreen’s voice remains sensational, going from breathy mids to adrenaline-pumping highs and she has the superhuman stage presence of a Gaga or Beyoncé. A true pop star and a noticeable cut above the rest.
You can also read what Ben made of Croatia’s Let 3 – “your mid-contest Chocolate Orange has been laced with psilocybin” and who he thinks has “the hard stare and bowl cut of a Berlin sex club bouncer”.
The scandal though is that Georgia were robbed of a place in the final. Robbed, I tell you. A dramatic gothic ballad type affair with lots of creepy hands in the background on the screen reaching out for Iru, the song Echo would have been a great addition to tonight’s show. Don’t blame me, I voted for it.
This tweet summed it up really.
I‘m sorry but I will NEVER EVER get over how unoriginal songs like 🇵🇱 Poland and 🇨🇾 Cyprus qualified over such a masterpiece and unique song that 🇬🇪 Georgia served us. Such a shame! #Eurovision #Eurovision2023 #ESC2023 pic.twitter.com/0upYwyWpNm
— Kerem 🇸🇪🇫🇮🇱🇻 | #tattooera ⵣ (@Krm_H67) May 11, 2023
And poor Iru. She was part of a group that won the Junior Eurovision Song Contest in 2011, and the 22-year-old obviously found it all a bit too much on Thursday night after the results had been read out.
This is really hard to watch. My heart breaks for Iru.
— Ocean | VOTE #11 🇮🇹 IN EUROVISION (@oceaniito) May 11, 2023
🇬🇪 Georgia deserved to go to the final.💔#Eurovision
pic.twitter.com/egq9D4ySkJ
Here’s my dog Willow, feeling it.
Malta’s The Busker didn’t make it through to the final either, in one of those entries that maybe was just too wacky for its own good. The performance of Dance (Our Own Party) started with cardboard cut-outs of previous entries from Malta, involved 8-bit interstitial graphics, the trio jumping into a car, and then trying to pull off a costume transformation into glittering versions of what they had been wearing at the top of the song.
Organisers obviously thought they would do well, as they were one of the acts invited during the semi-final to teach us their dance. But the public firmly showed them the door. They will indeed be dancing at their own party tonight 😕.
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A few things of note that didn’t make it through the semi-finals. Azerbaijan’s TuralTuranX won’t be there tonight, having had something of a public make-down during the week. They had caused a stir with their look at the opening ceremony.
Unfortunately on Tuesday night it looked as if they’d sent Merry and Pippin from Lord of the Rings into the arena for the contest by mistake.
Azerbaijan are hot. #EUROVISION pic.twitter.com/XWUk4C9axi
— Matthew Highton (@MattHighton) May 9, 2023
“Are the semi-finals a new thing?” someone asked me this week, and I answered “They are a new-ish thing, but one that I suspect has been going on for much longer than I would guess,” in the same way that I think albums released in 1993 are 20 years old, unless I think harder about it. And I wasn’t wrong because next year it will be 20 years since the first semi-final, in 2004.
I must confess I didn’t used to watch the semi-finals, arguing to myself that it was better to watch everything as one big long surprise on the night. However, times change, and I’m now glued to every second of it all.
One reason that people have paid more attention in the UK this year to the semi-finals than before may be that there is a higher profile of general coverage with Liverpool hosting, and that the BBC put them on BBC One, when it usually had them tucked away on BBC Three or BBC Four over the years.
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I very much enjoyed this segment at the end of Scott Bryan’s comprehensive guide to tonight’s shenanigans:
The joy of Eurovision is its unpredictability. With so many votes, so many entries (and so much alcohol), you never know how it’s going to end. When Kalush Orchestra won last year, beating Sam Ryder, Graham Norton finished his commentary with the line “Probably some relieved people back at the BBC – it looked a bit dodgy there for a minute. We’re going to have to host?” Fast forward a year, and here we are.
Read more here: Crank it up to douze! It’s your ultimate guide to Eurovision 2023
Eurovision bingo 2023!
Get ready to mark your Eurovision bingo cards! Of course, if you want to have a shot of drink each time you spot one of these things, you are welcome, but drinking is not compulsory. Some people – Terry Wogan chiefly – advised leaving off the booze until later in the show. You can just shout “Poe! Poe! Poe! Poe!” instead, or whatever you fancy. Here is what I have got on my list:
✨✨✨ A costume change! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ Ludicrous musical instruments appear! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ A cynical key and/or tempo change! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ Someone says the evening/songs have been “wonderful”! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ Use of the French language! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ A guitar solo! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ One of the presenters raps! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ Someone in the crowd is waving a Ukrainian flag! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ Someone is back performing at Eurovision again! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ The Beatles get mentioned! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ A performance is designed to look great on TV but looks terrible in the hall! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ A painfully high note is delivered! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ A human centipede is formed! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ An entirely different song arrives two-thirds of the way through! ✨✨✨
✨✨✨ Twelve points from Greece to Cyprus! ✨✨✨
I’ll try to call them out along the way but usually forget. And also try not to get into complicated arguments about musicology as to whether something is technically a key change or not. We all know that cynical rising key change for the final set of choruses when you hear it.
Feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments.
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OK, to get yourself settled in, why not have a go at my Eurovision quiz before I start giving away too many of the answers in my preamble …
Eurovision 2023 – how the voting works this year
The semi-finals were determined purely by public vote, but the Grand Final retains a jury plus public vote system. When the last song has played – Mae Muller’s I Wrote a Song – voting will open. After that there will be some music performances, and then we are into the nail-biting result process.
First we get points from the juries country by country, read out by a national representative, who usually takes slightly too long to do it, thus causing the show to overrun. After all of the jury scores are in, we have the half-time interim results table.
Then the public votes are added to each song in turn, starting with the song lying in 26th place. Songs can get up to 12 points from each country, and this year there is an additional set of points from “the rest of the world”, as the contest is open to anybody to vote. So songs popular with the public can literally add hundreds of points to their tally at a stroke, regardless of where the juries placed them.
The keen-eyed among you will spot that this means as we get closer to the top, songs in sixth, fifth, fourth place etc start leaping over the interim leader. But the interim leader is the last one to have their public points added, so you pretty much never know what the final result will be until there are only two or three more scores to be added.
It makes it incredibly nail-biting, and luckily for me, almost impossible to live blog coherently. The only thing I have ever live blogged that goes faster than the Eurovision vote is trying to cover the luge at the Winter Olympics.
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Eurovision 2023 – tonight's running order
Here is your running order for tonight, which the European Broadcasting Union (EBU) have handily put on a social media graphic so that I don’t have to type it all out. The show starts at 8pm BST.
Ukraine go 19th, the UK goes last. Favourites Sweden and Finland go 10th and 13th. The show opens with Austria’s brilliant song about Edgar Allan Poe, and 25th is Croatia’s utterly and delightfully bonkers anti-war song Mama ŠČ! from Let 3. Plus we will get the usual skits and grand musical numbers.
The comments will be open, but experience tells me that I will be unlikely to draw enough of a breath to join in, but have fun and be kind to each other.
And remember our cardinal rule. If you have come on to the Guardian website to leave a comment saying that you don’t watch Eurovision, you hate it, it is a silly waste of a time, then fair enough, everyone is entitled to their opinion, you do you. But I can guarantee we are having a better time enjoying it than you are by choosing to actively spend your Saturday evening moaning about it :-)
You can drop me an email to martin.belam@theguardian.com if you spot mistakes or want to tell me how your party is going or why Austria should win and so on. I can’t promise to reply but I will try to read them all.
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Welcome and opening summary …
Big hats. Ludicrous costumes. An ornate stage set. Specially composed music. Lots of people waving flags. Yes, that was me live blogging the coronation last Saturday. But tonight it really is the jewel in the crown of the music calendar – the grand final of the Eurovision song contest. This year it is coming to you from Liverpool on behalf of Ukraine and, in the specific case of this live blog, from Walthamstow.
The show starts at 8pm BST, and will be hosted by Graham Norton, Julia Sanina, Alesha Dixon and Eurovision goddess Hannah Waddingham. It will feature 26 acts vying for the title. Sweden’s Loreen is hotly tipped to win, but Finland’s Käärijä, Israel’s Noa Kirel, and Noway’s Alessandra might have other plans.
There are loads of famous faces from Eurovision past set to appear, and there will be celebrations of Liverpool’s musical heritage, and tributes to Ukraine, who would be hosting tonight’s event if it wasn’t for Russia’s invasion of their country.
The comments will be open. It is always great fun, and one of my favourite evenings of the year. Well, except for the panicky bit right at the end when I’m trying follow the scores as they come, file a news story for tomorrow’s paper about who has won, and keep the live blog ticking over, while regretting my earlier drinking decisions. Please join me!
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