Walking through the North Gate this morning, the first thing you noticed was one on the head of Jonny Bairstow, facing a few gentle throwdowns on the Nursery Ground.
Glance up at the screen and there was another, Stuart Broad modelling this time, as he talked the Sky cameras through his five-for of the day before. Harry Brook was in on the trend, too, grinning out from just about every social media feed.
In short, you could not move for them: by mid-afternoon, there was even one of the Lord’s balcony, perched upon the nut of Ben Stokes, who, still in his tracksuit, had settled on a novel approach to the all-rounder role, resolving to go through an entire Test match without having either a bat or a bowl.
The bucket hat was probably always destined to become the sartorial signature of Bazball and if the plan was to launch the range with something of an exhibition, then it is little surprise that this was the chosen day.
Having already eaten into most of Ireland’s first innings total of 172 on the first evening, England tormented Ireland’s bowlers on one of those brain-frazzling days of statistical saturation that has become commonplace over the past 12 months, the headline that the visitors will return tomorrow effectively four-down needing 255 to avoid an innings defeat.
There was a first Test century on home soil for Ben Duckett, who went on to make 186, and a first Test double for Ollie Pope, both players achieving the supposedly rare feat of scoring 100 runs in a session as England declared on 524 for four shortly after tea.
Later, debutant Josh Tongue claimed his first three Test wickets, fair reward for his fruitless graft on day one, to reduce Ireland to 97 for three at the close, with opener James McCollom also unlikely to return after rolling his ankle at the crease.
It was a day that justified the billing of this Test as little more than a stepping stone to grander things (a warm-up gig before Glastonbury, leading off England’s attire) and one too, that suggested the gulf between the teams - for which Ireland themselves take little blame - had if anything been underplayed.
Around 28,000 made it to Lord’s in spite of the train strikes, among them two volunteers on London’s grassroots cricket scene honoured as Community Cricket Heroes by MCC president Stephen Fry, all - given the platform set the night before - in anticipation of runs.
Ridiculously, amid the carnage there were even periods that felt like lulls as England’s scoring rate dipped sheepishly below a-run-a-ball and this team, renowned already for normalising the extraordinary, somehow drifted dangerously close to snore-ifying the superb with their classy, risk-free dismantling of an inexperienced and inconsistent attack.
They played with intent but only fleetingly naked aggression. Among 67 boundaries, ‘only’ five cleared the rope. By tea, 80 overs had brought 503 runs, without any of England’s three most explosive batters facing so much as a ball. The scorecard screamed ‘Bazball’, the reality was more serene. The mismatch was simply brutal.
Duckett had come into the summer still unproven in English conditions at Test level, having won all nine of his previous caps overseas, but after a fine touring winter now heads into the Ashes with his place secure. His second Test hundred came from just 106 balls (perversely, the slower of the two) in a second-wicket partnership with Pope worth 252 before it was broken by a change of ball and Graham Hume.
Pope, meanwhile, had made a scratchy start to his knock, too keen it seemed to fly out of the gate. But after finding his natural tempo, the Surrey man compiled the seventh-fastest double hundred in Test history, lifting the 207th ball of his innings for six. Messers Stokes and McCullum are, naturally, among the select club to have managed quicker.
If there was a downside to the pair’s dominance, it came in a lack of exposure for England’s middle order, all short of match practice in this format. Joe Root passed 11,000 Test runs on his way to a half-century, but Harry Brook’s first red-ball innings of the summer had lasted only seven balls when the declaration came, while neither Jonny Bairstow nor Stokes left the pavilion.
With a view to the Ashes that is a concern, though in truth, Ireland’s attack did not offer much in way of preparation beyond a confidence boost that England, judging by their clobber and their swagger, hardly look in need of.
