Which means we’re done here. England now go to Kolkata, where they’ll meet Pakistan on Satdee – who, remember, are playing for a semi against India. That’d be a nice quiet night in at the library. Not! I don’t think! But I’m off, so thanks for your company and comments – sorry I didn’t use them all – peace out.
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And here’s Ali Martin’s match report:
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Woakes tells Sky the players are desperate to perform, laughing that England have lost to Netherlands before – though in T20, never an ODI – and he’s pleased with how the team played. The ball swung and moved around under lights but you still had to put it in the right area – if you didn’t, you went. He aimed to hit the top of off as much as possible, and if they hit him off that length than that’s what they’d have to do. I imagine rushing things has become a dressing-room refrain, because like Stokes, he reckons England tried too many things too early when, in the powerplay, hitting the top of off is all you need to do, and there’s always more time left in the game than you think.
Buttler’s really happy with the win, saying any time you need someone to stand up, Stokes does that. He thought 33 was a really good score – though the track was decent and boundaries short – then, asked if he’d do things differently given he opted to bat today, he notes that his players still played poorly and perhaps the pressure of the World Cup is making runs on the board more important than usual. Otherwise, he’s looking forward to England’s final match against Pakistan, especially given Champions Trophy qualification might depend on how they do in it.
Scott Edwards says his team didn’t start well, giving away too many runs, and their innings was the same old story with the bat. He wonders if his bowlers might’ve changed plans, but credits England for batting well, then says his side have been good in patches, as they were today, but need to find a way of sustaining that.
I was just about to investigate this, so thanks to John Starbuck for saving me the bother: “For a bit of added drama, TMS have just declared that England need to keep Netherlands at 271 or under (I think) to benefit their Net Run Rate figure,” he advises, and we’re just shown the table: it’s improved to -0.88. That takes them above Bangladesh and Sri Lanka, -1.142 and -1.160 respectively and, given they play Australia and NZ in their final matches, England, now seventh in the table, should make the Champions Trophy even if they lose to Pakistan.
Ben Stokes is player of the match and of course tries to meh his debut World Cup ton, saying he’s more pleased to get a win – at last. The pitch was a goodun, he reckons, and just back of a length the bounce was tennis-ball – helpful for leg-side swats – and he used the scoreboard as his friend, looking up at it if ever he felt under pressure to remind himself that there were more balls remaining than he though. Otherwise, he praises Woakes’ all-round ability and recent record then, asked if he thought about going home, responds as you expect: “Never leave anyone hanging”.
Netherlands lost their last five wickets for 16, and this feels like the kind of match we ought really to have seen more often in this competition. I know it’s the end of the road for this England side, but it remains a side absolutely rammed with brilliant, transcendent players, this competition just came at the wrong time for it.
England beat Netherlands by 160 runs! England have won a match!
WICKET! Van Meekeren st Buttler b Ali 4 (Netherlands 179 all out)
Van Meekeren comes down to play a monstrous drive down the wrong line, misses, and is stumped by a magnificent margin.
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37th over: Netherlands 178-9 (Nidamanuru 40, Van Meekeren 4) Lovely from Van Meekeren, who gets well forward to smother spin – whichever way it goes – with a sweep for four through deep backward square. Meantime, last over Nas noted Jimmy Anderson has just one shot, the reverse; an angry riposte is already steaming up his phone.
WICKET! Dutt b Rashid 1 (Netherlands 174-9)
Tailenders despise wrist-spinners! This is a luscious delivery, a googly given plenty of air before bouncing a little lower than Dutt expected before ripping through his unattended gate.
37th over: Netherlands 174-8 (Nidamanuru 40, Dutt 1) I’ve really enjoyed Nidamanuru’s knock today – he’s picking length really well, notes Morgan in co-comms. And here he is again, pulling the first delivery of this latest Rashid over for four through midwicket; a single to that area follows.
36th over: Netherlands 169-8 (Nidamanuru 35, Dutt 1) Dutt gets away with a force to cover, then Nidamanuru turns one to midwicket.
WICKET! Van der Merwe c Rashid b Ali 0 (Netherlands 167-8)
One brings two! Moeen follows his freshman wicket with a sophomore effort, Van der Merwe trying a reverse-sweep and gloving to short fine leg.
35th over: Netherlands 166-7 (Nidamanuru 33, Van der Merwe 0) Rashid welcomes Van de Merwe to the wicket with a terrific googly and hits the pad; again, the appeal is rejected as I think the ball was missing leg.
WICKET! Van Beek c Malan b Rashid 2 (Netherlands 166-7)
Van Beek tries a sweep and edges a sitter instead.
35th over: Netherlands 166-6 (Nidamanuru 33, Van Beek 2) Three dots, then the impressive Nidamunuru forces over midwicket and they run one; responsibility for bringing Netherlands home from here rests with him, but compared to what we saw yesterday, it’s a fairly simple activity, so.
34th over: Netherlands 165-6 (Nidamanuru 32, Van Beek 2) Van Beek turns his first ball around the corner and they run two.
WICKET! Edwards c Malan b Ali 38 (Netherlands 163-6)
Edwards sprints down but as he imparts his heave, the bat twists in his hand and he spoons a simple catch. That’s Moeen’s first wicket of the tournament.
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34th over: Netherlands 163-5 (Edwards 38, Nidamanuru 32) Nidamanuru turns one to deep square, then Edwards misses with a sweep and England contemplate a review when ball contacts pad before rightly opting not to bother, presumably because they knew, as Hawkeye shows, ball was bouncing over stumps.
33rd over: Netherlands 162-5 (Edwards 38, Nidamanuru 31) Rashid returns from the other end and Edwards miscues a slog-sweep so they run one, then a handsome drive to cover yields a well-run two. Three singles complete the over and Buttler is letting this drift – fine, because England are going to win – but I’m not sure Stokes would be bowling his spinners now, given how well the openers did.
32nd over: Netherlands 156-5 (Edwards 36, Nidamanuru 28) Moeen returns, but with so many runs still required – 192 at the start of this over – I’m Buttler, I’m thinking about bringing back Woakes and Willey to try and finish this while addressing England’s net run-rate woes. All the more so when, after two dots and two singles, Nidamanuru waits for one, a little step down and across making room for him to swing iside-out over long off for six! That’s the 50 partnership, off 38 balls, and after a single it’s time for drinks.
31st over: Netherlands 148-5 (Edwards 35, Nidamanuru 21) Two dots, then Edwards stretches to drive from outside off through mid-on, and he’s enjoying this now! Another dot, then another four – this time carted to deep backward square via pull! Maybe he needs to injure himself to unleash his inner Maxi.
30th over: Netherlands 140-5 (Edwards 27, Nidamanuru 20) It feels like we know what’s going to happen here: Netherlands will find a few decent hits, but will also keep losing wickets before any partnership can seriously threaten even the prospect of a prospect of victory. Two singles and a leg bye off this latest Rashid over.
“At the risk of exciting more opprobrium, it’s ‘googly’ not ‘goggly’,” says John Starbuck, “though I do seem to recall Michael Parkinson, in his ‘Cricket Mad’ book, telling us that’s what his young son called the ball he’d just bowled his father with: ‘that was my goggly’, so you maybe have a precedent.”
My typos are unprecedented, though I’ll never beat the time I talked about someone cutting a shot, except the first t of cutting and the o in shot were replaced by different letters. That’s what they call muscle-memory.
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29th over: Netherlands 137-5 (Edwards 25, Nidamanuru 20) Atkinson drops way too short and straight and Nidamanuru doesn’t need asking twice, swinging with the path of the ball to send six way over square leg and a fair way back too. Two singles follow, and runs are coming more easily now.
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28th over: Netherlands 129-5 (Edwards 24, Nidamanuru 13) A two and one, then Nidamanuru hammers another slog-sweep but dead high, and running back from Mid-on, Woakes has a sniff ofa catch … but the ball keeps going, bouncing over the rope and dying, its work done. A single follows, making for 10 off the over, and the required rate is now 9.46.
27th over: Netherlands 119-5 (Edwards 21, Nidamanuru 6) Atkinson on for Willey, and after two leg byes, the pair almost combine for a wicket! Nidamanuru swipes over the top and Willey, at mid-on, turns in pursuit. It’s always hard to take one over the shoulder but Willey was there and so was the ball – he just drops it, which is to say it was good effort to make it a chance, but once it was, no excuses for not taking it.
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26th over: Netherlands 115-5 (Edwards 20, Nidamanuru 5) Nidamanru gets away by cutting a googly for four, then after a single hands Edwards the strike … and he backhands a slog-sweep over cow for six! You’ve heard about “proper cricket shots” well, that’s a “proper tennis shot”! Eventful over that, 16 and a wicket from it.
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WICKET! De Leede b Rashid 10 (Netherlands 104-5)
Now that is experience. Rather than revert to his stock ball, Rashid sends another out the front but this time just a little faster, so when De Leede looks to play the same shot, he discovers that he doesn’t have the time, an under-edge onto boot onto stumps sending him hutchward bound.
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26th over: Netherlands 104-4 (Edwards 14, De Leede 10) Single to Edwards, then De Leede waits for one sent quickly out the front of the hand, cutting four when the ball’s almost past him; that’s a good, confident shot – though potentially asking for trouble.
25th over: Netherlands 99-4 (Edwards 13, De Leede 6) De Leede watches a short one right onto the bat, carting Willey through midwicket for four; two singles follow, making it six from the over – one of Netherlands’ most profitable, but still nowhere near enough.
“Why did the England test side never persevere with Rashid?” wonders Thomas Atkins. “I have a vague recollection of there being issues with his fitness and commitment, but this may have been an excuse used because his face didn’t quite fit (like that of Ben Foakes, albeit less handsome).”
I don’t think Root was every fully enamoured, and he never did quite well enough to stay in the side – but I’d have worked with him.
24th over: Netherlands 93-4 (Edwards 12, De Leede 1) Edwards takes one to cover, then after a wide, Rashid finds flight and spin, the ball skipping past De Leede’s edge; a slap to long-off follows and the required rate is now 9.50.
23rd over: Netherlands 90-4 (Edwards 11, De Leede 0) De Leede defends his first two balls, and surely this match is over as a contest.
WICKET! Sybrand c Woakes b Willey 33 (Netherlands 90-4)
It works! Engelbrecht tries to swat Willey over mid-on but instead picks out the reliable hands of the leaping Woakes.
23rd over: Netherlands 90-3 (Sybrand 33, Edwards 11) In comms, they’re talking about Rehan Ahmed, who I’d like to see in tandem with Rashid, not as a replacement for Rashid. His batting makes him a really useful limited-overs cricketer, because the runs make him just another bowling option – and that’s before we consider what role he might play in Tests. I’ll always feel Rashid could’ve been proper in the longest format, but back in the middle, now Willey returns as England seek that telling breakthrough and Edwards nudges one to point.
22nd over: Netherlands 89-3 (Sybrand 33, Edwards 10) Rashid into the attack and after two singles, Edwards swipes a googly across the line for four to midwicket. A cut to point follows, then he misses with a sweep; there’s an appeal from behind the stumps, but Rashid knew he’d gloved it.
21st over: Netherlands 82-3 (Sybrand 32, Edwards 4) Ravi Shastri just called Engelbrecht “Engelbert”, which I very much enjoyed, and after a wide he thrashes Woakes over cover – the ball’s still swinging so he’s still bowling fuller – then Atkinson, running aroun the boundary, is slow to go down and cedes a boundary he ought to have saved.
“It’s possible that it is both footholes and footholds,” says Andy Flintoff. “They are holes in the top surface of the wicket generated by the feet, but also hold and support the feet when bowling once formed.”
In that case I’d like some footholds at my desk, if someone could please arrange that.
20th over: Netherlands 77-3 (Sybrand 28, Edwards 4) Moeen is milked, five singles coming from his fifth over, and the required rate is now up to 8.76
“‘Umpires may allow players to secure their footholds by the use of sawdust’,” to fill the footholes’,” reckons Alistair Connor. “No inconsistency. Two different words, two different meanings.”
19th over: Netherlands 73-3 (Sybrand 26, Edwards 2) Yup, just call me Skip; Woakes returns to try and finish this contest and Edwards takes one to cover, then Engelbrecht turns two to square leg.
“Don’t think Dave Willey is in a strop,” says Peter Rowntree. “He is a player who has always behaved with the utmost dignity throughout his career despite setbacks of non-selection and physical problems. He has been England’s finest white-ball bowler throughout his career, frequently finishing with the most wickets in a series. Too old in 2027? Probably, but there’s an awful lot of white-ball cricket to be played before then and on that basis I would probably offer him a year’s central contract.”
There’s a touch of Plunkett post-2019 about this, isn’t there? I was outraged at that, but with the benefit of hindsight, it was probably the correct call because there’s little to be gained by winning random bilateral 50-over matches; it’s all about building to the next tournament, though I guess having Willey’s experience knocking about wouldn’t be bad.
18th over: Netherlands 70-3 (Sybrand 24, Edwards 1) The team with the next-most run outs is India, who’ve four. Edwards gets away with a single shoved to mid-on.
WICKET! Barresi run out (Woakes/Ali) 37 (Netherlands 68-3)
That is Netherlands’ 10th run out of the competition, and surely seals their fate in this match…
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18th over: Netherlands 68-2 (Barresi 37, Sybrand 23) Moeen continues, but I wonder if Buttler might try one of his strike bowlers soon, to break this partnership … but he might not have to, because attempting a second run that’s never on, old mate Wesley looks a few yards short and Moeen breaks the stumps! The umpires go upstairs…
17th over: Netherlands 65-2 (Barresi 35, Sybrand 22) Not out say the umpires and Root is not impressed, at all, but I can see their rationale: the zoomed pictures were blurry and one angle suggested the ball bounced. And of course Sybrand then pulls the next delivery for six, which of course has Root absolutely wetting himself with laughter.
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17th over: Netherlands 59-2 (Barresi 35, Sybrand 16) Two dots, then Barresi is beaten by a yorker and they run one; Atkinson appeals for lb, but Buttler’s having nee such thing. No matter, Barresi then turns to midwicket where Root falls forwards, taking ball in fingers and the batter walks … but the umpires ask him to stay because they’re not sure the catch was clean.
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16th over: Netherlands 58-2 (Barresi 34, Sybrand 16) Barresi twizzles one to fine leg, then tries to reverse the last ball of the over, he gets a bottom edge and somehow diverts past his stumps.
“Of course it serves the Black Caps right for making it possible,” says Alistair Connor, “but what a letdown if tomorrow’s NZ/Sri Lanka is a wash-out. Bearing in mind that NZ are the only team who have given India a game in the competition (even if it wasn’t close) … AND that they eliminated India in the quarters in 2019 … my fantasy final replicates the rugby: they take it to the final over … then fluff a penalty.”
It wouldn’t be New Zealand at the World Cup without that or similar.
15th over: Netherlands 57-2 (Barresi 33, Sybrand 16) Lovely stuff! Barresi is into this, a straight-arm pull turns Atkinson’s pace against him, the ball racing away for four through midwicket, the kind of shot that’ll help remove its shine, but might also help it reverse. And what’s this? Barresi comes down and pushes, but in follow-through, Atkinson wasn’t expecting a c&b chance, a late-doors grab not enough to make the ball stick. The partnership is 44 off 56.
14th over: Netherlands 52-2 (Barresi 28, Sybrand 16) They attempt a leg bye and Engelbrecht’s dive saves him – but Buttler was a bit slow with his throw to Moeen. A pair of singles follow, then Barresi picks up a full one and glides down the track to slam six over mid-off before coming down again to send four in similar direction. A single off its final delivery means 14 come from the over, and Netherlands are easing themselves into this…
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13th over: Netherlands 38-2 (Barresi 15, Sybrand 11) A bit of tape on Atkinson’s finger means a delayed start to this next over; it’s removed and on we go. Batting, though, has got a little easier since Woakes went off, three singles a two and wide making it the second-most expensive so far, but it’s fourth delivery is a beauty, leaving Sybrand off a laegth and far too good for his outside edge.
“Thanks a lot for reproducing the picture from the Texaco Cup in 1984,” says Rob Lewis. It evoked so many memories: I saw a young Michael Holding playing at Sydney Cricket Ground, was it 76 or 77? My sub-editor as a young journo was Ted Willis, Bob’s father, and so I met the wonderful Bob at Lords. And more recently, my son Josh taught at Sevenoaks School with Chris Tavare, who Josh says has been much maligned and was also a smashing bloke. Not to mention some of the other chaps and their exploits. What an era!”
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12th over: Netherlands 32-2 (Barresi 15, Sybrand 11) Moeen replaces Willey and cedes two singles then a two to mid-off. Even at this early stage, it’d take something insane for Netherlands to win this – but England will still probably need to beat Pakistan to make the Champions Trophy.
“I’m not sure if he’s changed his mind since,” writes Robin Armstrong, “but hasn’t Willey ended his international career in a strop at being left out of the England central contracts?”
He has indeed, but I don’t quite have scope to pretend I’d retained that information and discussed his future because England can still go back to him.
11th over: Netherlands 28-2 (Barresi 12, Sybrand 10) Atkinson into the attack and I’m looking forward to seeing how he goes; he could find himself playing every format soon, though as I type, Sybrand top-edges an attempted pull and gets four over long on.
“‘A nondescript ball if calling something nondescript isn’t tautology’,” begins Phil Russell. “More likely to be an oxymoron?”
Aaaarrrrggghhhh, yes, thanks and shaaaaaaaame on me. But the question remains.
10th over: Netherlands 23-2 (Barresi 11, Sybrand 6) Another tight over from Willey, Barresi back-cutting one to deep third. The required rate is 7.92 and climbing.
Pretty overwhelmed with all the ❤️ Thank you so much to everyone that has sent messages. @patcummins30 was amazing out there! Sorry I knocked back a couple 🫣
— Glenn Maxwell (@Gmaxi_32) November 8, 2023
Time to get back to dad duties 👨👩👦❤️
What an effort this was, the best I’ve ever seen I think, and I dunno, I’m old, but this tweet both moved me and made me laugh; if Cummins was “amazing”, how would Maxi describe his own effort? For the first time, we may actually say we’ve run out of superlatives when dealing in superlatives.
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9th over: Netherlands 22-2 (Barresi 10, Sybrand 6) Two dots, then an outswinger tempts Barresi into a fiddle and he misses; a single to cover, off the final ball of the overm, is the only run; England were 69-1 at this stage.
“It’s footholes, not footholds,” chides John Starbuck," “since they aren’t mountaineers.”
I actually looked this up and the MCC use both, for what that’s work, but I also accept your rationale.
8th over: Netherlands 21-2 (Barresi 9, Sybrand 6) Another maiden from Willey, which raises a question: he is 33 but still good. Do England break with him on general principle – and knowing they kind of owe him for binning him on the eve of the 2019 World Cup – or keep him going in the knowledge that by 2027, he’ll almost definitely be out of contention?
7th over: Netherlands 21-2 (Barresi 9, Sybrand 6) Three dots, then sawdust arrives as Woakes has an issue with the footholds; let’s hope there are no hamsters piassing. We then have the over interrupted by an insert announcing tomorrow’s New Zealand v Sri Lanka match – one which might be nobbled by the rain; good news for Pakistan and Afghanistan, who could finish above both by beating England and SU respectively. Back to today, though, Barresi turns two around square on the on side, the only runs from the over; so far the rain is holding off.
6th over: Netherlands 19-2 (Barresi 7, Sybrand 6) Another beauty from Willey, this time lifting more than the batter expects, but Sybrand edges two then sends a half-volley down the ground for four.
“To what extent do you think a lot of England’s current travails are down to being just plain knackered?” wonders Mark Hooper. “Most of the squad have been playing back-to-back high octane cricket in various formats all year (exacerbated by the B**B*** approach); they all just looked burned out.”
I think there’s a very strong chance this is the most operative factor, the stretch of punishment for the players going back to Covid. I keep saying it, but much as I wanted England to do well, I cannot find it in my soul to feel negatively towards any of these. They changed the my cricketing world.
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WICKET! Ackermann c Buttler b Willey 0 (Netherlands 13-2)
Jaffa over here! Willey hurls one on a length that looks like nipping in but holds his line and it’s far too good for Ackermann – but not far too good enough, because he edges behind and Netherlands are in all sorts.
6th over: Netherlands 13-1 (Barresi 7, Ackermann 0) Buttler nips off for a slash, Bairstow minding the gloves – I bet he’s tempted, either to don them or leave something nasty in the fingers –and when he returns, Barresi shoves to point and they sprint a single.
5th over: Netherlands 12-1 (Barresi 6, Ackermann 0) Netherlands are under pressure already: the rate is 2.25, the required rate 7.34.
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WICKET! O'Dowd c Ali b Woakes 5 (Netherlands 12-1)
O’Dowd devo’d! This is a really soft dismissal, a nondescript ball – if calling something nondescript isn’t tautology – chipped to mid-on.
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5th over: Netherlands 12-0 (Barresi 6, O’Dowd 5) Woakes feeds O’Dowd one on the pads and he glances to deep square for four.
“Appreciate you being ‘that guy’ to correct me on my 84-85 confusion,” returns DavidHorn, “I do now have to mentally update quite a few of my favourite anecdotes from that series, but that’s on me!”
I am going to forward the text of your email to my wife, who is less grateful when I am “that guy”. But by way of compensation for your mental labour, I found this at my parents’ a whole ago; behold!
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4th over: Netherlands 8-0 (Barresi 6, O’Dowd 1) In comms, Nas notes that the ball is doiong a bit, meaning Woakes can go a bit fuller – which he tried earlier in the competition, to be mercilessly driven. Willey, though, is well-grooved … though of course as I type that, he strays straight and is turned around the corner for four. On my question earlier, by the way – do Netherlands go hard at the start and keep their power back for later – What, Ho! notes that under lights, the balls nip, so the idea is to stay in because once they stop swinging, they’re there to be clobbered.
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3rd over: Netherlands 4-0 (Barresi 2, O’Dowd 1) Before I relate details of another splendid Woakes over, let me say that Wesley Barresi is a tremendous name, and after two dots, he tries to put bat on ball, missing and narrowly avoids losing his off-bail. O’Dowd then gets off the mark via leading edge, Barresi adds one more, and this is excellent from England.
I was reading Tanya Aldred’s lovely piece for The Spin that you linked to as the interval reading,” writes Tom Paternoster-Howe, “and it got me wondering: why didn’t he just take the helmet off? The ICC regulations regarding helmets state “…if any player elects to wear a helmet while batting in international cricket, it must be compliant with the British Standard…” The key word there is IF.
Equally, the World Cup 2023 playing conditions don’t require batters to wear a helmet. Furthermore, condition 40.1 Out Timed Out states ‘After the fall of a wicket or the retirement of a batter, the incoming batter must, unless Time has been called, be ready to receive the ball or for the other batter to be ready to receive the next ball within 2 minutes of the dismissal or retirement. If this requirement is not met, the incoming batter will be out, Timed out.’ So all Matthews had to do was remove his helmet for one ball and he couldn’t be timed out. Then he could have requested a working helmet before the second ball. Given that umpire Erasmus asked Hasan if he wanted to withdraw the appeal, it seems inconceivable that he wouldn’t have permitted Matthews to pop the helmet somewhere safe before permitting him to request a new one.
So really this is just another example, like that of Bairstow wandering out of his crease, of an experienced player being too dozy/arrogant & then getting all uppity when he gets his comeuppance.
Sorry for the long email, but I’m just surprised that nobody has suggested he could have done this.”
Yes, I agree with all but the last bit, because I wrote it in the OBO; face one ball, then sort it.
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2nd over: Netherlands 2-0 (Barresi 1, O’Dowd 0) Does anyone know what Engelbrecht means? Wikipedia says thusly, I’m asking because I think in Afrikaans, which I think is related to Dutch, to brecht is to yak. Meanwhile, Willey is on the mark immediately, rushing through a maiden, and I wonder if Netherlands’ plan chasing so big a total is wickets in hand rather than runs up front.
1st over: Netherlands 2-0 (Barresi 1, O’Dowd 0) This time, Barresi goes at one and totally edges! I think this is Buttler’s catch but he lets it by, forcing Root to go with his weaker left hand; he gets plenty of the ball, but it doesn’t fall into the meat of the palm so bounces out. They run one, but that was an excellent over.
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REVIEW! NOT OUT!
No edge, not out.
1st over: Netherlands 1-0 (Barresi 0, O’Dowd 0) Woakes begins with a wide but quickly rights himself, getting Barresi fencing and missing outside off. If he’d bowled like this in the first few games, England might still be in this competition – though of course the failure is collective and potentially inevitable. Anyroad, another Woakes delivery incites Barresi to stretch well outside off; he appeals and though Buttler doesn’t like it, when the umpire says no, Root, who’d been jumping about at slip, persuades him to go upstairs in the final seconds.
Woakes has the ball, and play.
We are almost ready…
“I’m intrigued by your idea of a ‘lifetime eleven’ and I’m taking it to mean ‘players who I saw play in my lifetime’,” says David Horn. “My first Test match was 1984 (Eng vs Aus at The Oval) ... which means I probably never saw Botham at his proper, actual peak – but a late career surge from Gooch ensures he’s the first name on the team sheet. I don’t think Swann has many serious competitors in that scope – Emburey, Giles, Panesar I suppose. But Swann was a magnificent cricketer with a brain sharper than his jokey caricature suggested.”
Sorry to be that guy, but the Ashes were in 1985 – I know this partly because the first series I remember is the Windies tour of 1984. And yup, I too missed Botham’s peak but got Gooch’s – his 154 was, of course, epochal.
“I think I’ve spotted a serious flaw in Ben Stokes’ technique,” advises Kim Thonger. “He got out to that ball because he moved his feet too much. If he’d kept them completely still, a la Maxwell, his upper body strength would have kicked in, very much like a turbocharged combustion engine, and the ball would have cleared the field. Coaching manuals need to be rewritten for the new Maxwellian era, in much the same way high-jumping was changed forever post Dick Fosbury.”
Does the coaching manual even exist these days? Whatever works works. My mate told his lad not to play the scoop, obviously he did it and nailed it, reminding his old man that he too once owned some imagination.
Talking of Radiohead, just the other week I came by a recording of a set they played in 1995, supporting REM – which just so happens to be my gig debut.
“I’m sorry I’ve missed Rob as I wanted to congratulate him on his perfect him on the perfect description, ‘melancholy masterpiece’,” says Dean Kinsella. “Meanwhile, who are the next Englishmen on the rank! Has Buttler got to go? At least back into the ranks. Who would be the next captain to step up? If he was three or four years younger I’d like to see Woakes especially after being treated horribly by various selectors over the years.”
I agree, I enjoyed it too and have forwarded Rob your message. What’s its musical equivalent? Thom Yorke once said that Street Spirit was written to be “the saddest song ever”, and what a song it is; what a line “immerse your soul in love” is.
As for the next skipper, it’s tricky for Buttler to keep the gig given what’s gone on – though I don’t hold him responsible for everyone losing form around him and would totally keep him in the side. But if he’s relieved of the armband, it needs to go to an automatic pick and of course, SJ Broad would be my choice. But failing that, the fun option is obviously Bairstow – imagine him sticking the nut on Kohli at the toss – but otherwise, are we left with the boy Cherrington?
It’s drizzling a little in Pune, which might help the ball skid on for the Netherlands; covers have been deployed.
Interval reading:
As it goes, I bear Swann no ill will for that. He was totally gone, having him around might’ve been detrimental to everyone, and most importantly of all, he’d earned the right to set the terms of his own retirement. If you asked me to pick an England Lifetime XI, he’d be the first name on my teamsheet.
“I don’t see Ben Stokes as someone who’d leave a sinking ship,” says Nas of Stokes staying out post-elimination despite the need to go home and rehab his knee. Ouch!
Thanks Rob and hi everyone. I used to bang on about England just picking the ODI team for Tests, and now I’m about to bang on about just picking the Test team for ODIs. Funny old world.
Daniel Harris is waiting to be tagged in for the Netherlands’ runchase. Thanks for your company, emails and plans for the 2027 World Cup. Bye!
Oh, and make your vote count!
So, who wins the 1999 CWC draft?
— Nessun Dorma Podcast (@nessundormapod) November 8, 2023
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Dawid Malan speaks
I think we’re always trying to take the aggressive option. I got a few half-volleys that I was luckily able to put away. Netherlands bowled really well in the middle period to restrict us, and then Ben Stokes played a fantastic knock along with Woakesy.
[When England collapsed] I was like, ‘Oh no, not again!’ Thankfully Stokesy got us to a score that we’re really happy with. He soaks up pressure unbelievably well and he’s able to transfer it when needed. To do it so consistently across his career is a fantastic trait.
Netherlands need 340 to win
50th over: England 339-9 (Rashid 1, Atkinson 2) Despite a soul-sapping middle-order collapse, England are in serious danger of winning a cricket match. They have three players to thank: Dawid Malan made a serene 87 before being run out by Ben Stokes, who responded with a typically brutal century, and Chris Woakes kickstarted England’s charge with a fine 51. England scored 93 from the last six overs.
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WICKET! England 334-9 (Stokes c Engelbrecht b van Beek 108)
The end of a melancholy masterpiece. After belabouring his sixth six down the ground, Stokes sliced a slower ball high to long off.
He grimaces as he walks off, then raises his bat shyly in acknowledgement of a typical Stokes crescendo: 108 from 84 deliveries, including 50 off the last 21. There was a sadness to the innings, because England have been crap and he knows this counts for little. But he still summoned a purpose and will that was beyond everyone else.
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49th over: England 327-8 (Stokes 102, Atkinson 0) England have scored 81 off the last five overs.
“Tut, Rob,” says Geoff Wignall. “England’s greatest ever cricketer? The ghost of Sydney Barnes would like a word. With his record he didn’t need to be an allrounder.”
Yeah but look at his T20 record.
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WICKET! England 327-8 (Willey c Engelbrecht b de Leede 6)
A two-ball – and in some ways two-fingered - innings from David Willey, who flaunts his selflessness by hooking de Leede for six before holing out to long on in pursuit of another. One over remaining.
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WICKET! England 321-7 (Woakes c Edwards b de Leede 51)
A terrific half-century from Chris Woakes ends with a snick through to de Leede. He’d hit the previous two deliveries for six and four to reach a 44-ball fifty, a superb innings in the context of both the game and his tournament. The way he has come back from those shocking early performances has been so impressive.
Ben Stokes hits his first World Cup hundred!
48th over: England 310-6 (Stokes 100, Woakes 41) Stokes reverse-drags Van Meekeren for four to reach a 78-ball century, his first at a World Cup. He smiles for a split-second, almost out of embarrassment, before po-facedly raising his bat and looking up to see his old man.
This won’t be in Stokes’ top 10 innings but it’s another demonstration of his unique ability to transcend form. With every passing sixfest it becomes harder to make a case for anyone else – even Lord Beefy - to be considered England’s greatest cricketer of all time. The breadth of Stokes’s achievements are without precedent among England players.
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47th over: England 301-6 (Stokes 95, Woakes 40) Stokes mails de Leede for a huge straight six to bring up the hundred partnership in 73 balls. It’s also his highest score at a World Cup, beating his futile 89 against Australia at Lord’s four years ago.
A wristy straight hit for four and a pull for one takes Stokes to within five of a trademark, over-my-dead-body century. Woakes completes another terrific over – 17 from it – with a deft uppercut for four. England have scored 55 from the last three overs. Netherlands will be aggrieved because 44 of those have been scored since Stokes’s debatable LBW reprieve.
The bowler then, Aryan Dutt, also dropped Stokes on 41. In his, erm, defence, it was a pretty tough chance.
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46th over: England 284-6 (Stokes 82, Woakes 36) Like most of his mates, Ben Stokes has been in desperate touch with the bat for most of this World Cup. But as in the 2019 final against New Zealand, when he barely middled a thing, his willpower and detestation of defeat have taken over. He has top-scored in three of the last four games, and Netherlands are struggling to cope with the pressure of his sudden assault.
There are four wides in Van Beek’s over, one of which flies down the leg side for four additional runs. Fourteen from the over, which makes it 38 from the last two.
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45th over: England 270-6 (Stokes 80, Woakes 32) For 90 seconds, Aryan Dutt thought he had dismissed the great Ben Stokes. Instead play resumed with one ball of Dutt’s over remaining – and it disappeared for 13!
To explain. A high full toss was smeared round the corner for six by Stokes, who then launched the free hit over long on for another. Twenty-four from the over.
Stokes is not out!
There’s a murmur on UltraEdge as the ball passes the bat and glove, and Marais Erasmus decides there’s enough doubt not to overrule the on-field decision. I reckon Stokes is a bit fortunate there, though you can understand the process.
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Netherlands review for LBW against Stokes
The offspinner Aryan Dutt has one over remaining, and you don’t need to be Todd Murphy to know what that means. Stokes goes straight on the attack, just as he did against Murphy in that Ashes-changing innings at Headingley.
A slap through extra cover for four is followed by a heave into the leg side for six. But then, after failing to beat extra cover, he misses a reverse sweep and it hit on the pad. Netherlands’ LBW appeal is turned down on the field but they go straight for a review. This looks out to me.
44th over: England 246-6 (Stokes 58, Woakes 31) The non-striker Woakes steals a second run to deep midwicket. A single brings up a level-headed fifty partnership from 48 balls – one which, as Nasser Hussain on Sky, puts into context how good this pitch is.
A bouncer from Van Meekeren to Stokes is called wide, which looks slightly harsh to the naked eye, but even with the extra ball he restricts England to ones and twos. That’s very good going when Stokes is winding up.
43rd over: England 239-6 (Stokes 54, Woakes 29) The Stokes charge is under way. He hoicks de Leede over midwicket for six to reach a determined, slightly melancholy half-century from 58 balls. He came here to rescue England in a World Cup final for the third time, not a Champions Trophy playoff against the Netherlands. It looks the wrong decision now, but like he said in the summer, hindsight never loses.
42nd over: England 229-6 (Stokes 46, Woakes 27) After from one over when he was punished by Harry Brook, Van Meekeren has bowled nicely today. He concedes only four from his latest over, which gives him figures of 8-0-41-1.
The Stokes charge is coming any minute now.
“OK everyone, let’s try to take this seriously for a moment,” says Mark Beadle. “Bearing in mind the Netherlands scored 245 off 43 overs against SA, what do we think they would be reasonably confident about chasing here?”
Anything below 280? It’s a pretty good pitch, although Netherlands are yet to win a game batting second in this tournament.
41st over: England 225-6 (Stokes 45, Woakes 24) Stokes goes down on his haunches after being rammed in a delicate place by Van Beek. “I think we’ll just let the pictures breathe for a moment…” says Ian Ward on commentary.
Woakes punches another lovely drive for four, this time through mid-on, and then tickles an errant slower ball to the fine-leg boundary. He has raced to 24 from 22 balls.
40th over: England 215-6 (Stokes 44, Woakes 15) Woakes ends the boundary drought with a very nice extra cover drive off Ackermann. He has grown into this tournament, again showing admirable strength given how unfathomably poor his early performances were.
“This World Cup has been so very confusing as an England fan,” says Felix Wood. “It’s been the opposite of the Bazball effect, which saw a bunch of good players suddenly remember that being good was more fun than being rubbish. Something has gone wrong, but lord knows what it is.
“It does feel like muddled thinking has been the driver - the Malan/Roy/ Brook uncertainty which, as much as Malan has been England’s best batter, seemed to confuse England’s capacity to fly out of the blocks which had been the foundation of so much success. Add in Woakes and strange choices after winning tosses - it speaks to a lack of clarity.”
What came first, the music or the misery the defeats or the lack of clarity? The more I think about it, the manner of last year’s T20 win is an important reason for this failure. It created a false sense that it would be alright on the night and early defeats were nothing to worry about. But there are loads of other factors, none of which anyone was talking about six weeks ago. Maybe it is just karmic payback for that life-affirming Ashes series and we’re all looking in the wrong place for an explanation.
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39th over: England 207-6 (Stokes 42, Woakes 9) Stokes’ first big shot in a long time is almost his last. He whirls van Beek flat and hard to fine leg, where Dutt drops a tricky chance. Woakes times a nice straight drive that is well stopped on the boundary. Netherlands’ fielding has been terrific.
“What’s the point of picking players again who won’t be around for the next WC?” says Ben Skelton. “Surely they need to focus on developing a settled team for that tournament, and realistically Root, Malan, Wood, Bairstow, Butler and others will all be past it then. Isn’t the slowness in moving on (Plunkett aside) part of the problem here?”
I can understand that argument, and it worked in 2015. But there are a few reasons – Rehan Ahmed, as mentioned earlier, would learn so much from having Adil Rashid around. It’s also quite conceivable that Buttler and Root will play the next World Cup. They’ll barely be older than Dawid Malan is now, and they have both had relatively injury-free careers.
I’d be worried about the game passing Root by but I wouldn’t write him off yet. As for Malan, I’d take advantage of his excellence and hunger to smooth the transition, because wins are so vital for confidence. You’d also have to consider the impact of, say, sacking Buttler as ODI captain on next year’s T20 defence. The simple answer is, it’s complicated.
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38th over: England 204-6 (Stokes 41, Woakes 7) This is pretty hard to watch. Great teams lose confidence all the time, but rarely if ever to this extent. The last boundary they scored was on 24th October in the 29th over.
“Rob,” says Gareth Wilson, “is it cowardly to pray for rain?”
37th over: England 200-6 (Stokes 40, Woakes 4) Woakes edges de Leede safely for a single to bring up the England 200. They could yet, despite everything, post a matchwinning total.
“Buttler struggles when he has to think,” says Dean. “When he plays T20, he just goes out and swings at everything, which is basically what everybody does. Fifty overs sees him in two minds - it’s the same problem that saw his ejection from the Test team.”
I don’t agree with that. He certainly thought too much for most of his Test career, though that was down to self-doubt rather than any lack of tactical awareness. He’s like a great internet writer who clams up when they are asked to do something for Big Paper, and yes I am talking about [redacted]. Buttler’s ODI record is extraordinary, full of innings that were as intelligent as they were brutal. He’s just in horrible form. They all are. We all are: look at the state of the world!
36th over: England 194-6 (Stokes 37, Woakes 1) The new batter is Chris Woakes, who – and you’ll like this – has a problem with his helmet strap. He’s smiling as he talks to the umpire and Scott Edwards shows no interest in appealing. I’m pretty sure Woakes was ready inside two minutes anyway.
Another meek dismissal. This time it was a languid, one-handed drive that was well taken by de Leede at long on. Moeen goes for four from 15 balls.
WICKET! England 192-6 (Moeen c de Leede b Dutt 4)
35th over: England 191-5 (Stokes 35, Moeen 4) Stokes pulls de Leede to deep midwicket, where O’Dowd saves two runs with a deft bit of work.
Sky Sports have apparently had enough of England. The coverage cuts to a Vodafone advert just as Moeen Ali is lining up a pull, though he’s still at the crease when we return to Pune. The squeeze continues: 59/4 in the last 15 overs.
34th over: England 188-5 (Stokes 32, Moeen 4) Colin Ackermann continues to eat up overs with his occasional offspin. He’s doing a fine jobo: 6-0-23-0, and he still hasn’t been hit for a boundary.
“Would England winning here be an upset in the context of this World Cup?” writes Onno Giller. “I am half Dutch/half English, and happy to say that I am finally able to watch a match in the World Cup as this is one of two free-to-air matches, with Dutch commentary, available in Netherlands. The rest of the matches I have avidly followed through live texts. At this point my frustration with England is high, yet enjoying this one as a neutral of sorts.”
I’m not sure we’re at the point where an England win over the Netherlands would be an upset. England are a much better team, all things being equal, so they would really have to stink the place out to become outsiders. Wait, hang on.
I suppose there has been enough of a swing in this tournament that a win for either side today wouldn’t be a shock. And that in itself is extraordinary.
33rd over: England 186-5 (Stokes 31, Moeen 3) Another quiet over from Van Meekeren – two singles and a wide. Looks like Stokes and Moeen are trying to build a platform for a slogorama at the death. How the hell has it come to this?
“The sun has set on a great white-ball team – but does the past month suggest the shadows are lengthening for the current Test team?” says Max Williams. “Root, Stokes, YJB, Woakes, Wood all had stinkers. I’ve always had a nasty hunch that this summer’s Ashes signified the end of something rather than the start.
“Incidentally, how do we reckon the World Cup would’ve gone had we literally just played the Test team? And more pertinently, recruited the Test coach? We play Test matches like ODIs and ODIs like T20s – so you have to assume the Bazball mentality would’ve done OK, provided we brought Baz along. Obviously there’s a lot of player overlap but the camaraderie, joy and fearlessness that define the Test side has been sorely lacking here. Or maybe everyone just needed a break and this disaster was inevitable. Who knows?”
Well, quite. I think you’re right in that we’ll never see an England Test team with more than six or seven of the XI that beat Australia at the Oval. But though it’s unlikely, it’s not beyond the realms that the England team for the first Test at the Gabba in 2025-26 will include Duckett, Crawley, Root, Stokes, Brook, Bairstow and Wood.
32nd over: England 183-5 (Stokes 30, Moeen 2) England have scored 53/4 in the last 12 overs.
“I’d imagine England would prefer not to throw out the baby and the bath water, so how does this look as a sort of interim post-WC ODI XI?” says Mike Jakeman. “Duckett, Malan, Crawley, Root, Brook, Buttler, Jacks, Ahmed, Wood, Atkinson, Archer (or Tongue).”
I like it, though I wouldn’t have Root lower than No3 and I might move Duckett down to play against the spinners. I would personally include Rashid and rotate with Rehan Ahmed, or play both in certain games, though I can see both sides of that argument. The only other thing is that ideally you’d like a new-ball expert who swings it.
All that said, for the Caribbean series in December I would rest Root, Buttler, Wood and probably Rashid. Play a new side in that series, bar maybe Malan, and go from there.
31st over: England 180-5 (Stokes 25, Moeen 1) Under normal circumstances that would be an excusable shot from Buttler – right idea, bad execution and all that. But given how much he has struggled, maybe he needed to be a bit smarter and give himself 20-30 balls to get his eye in.
Or maybe it’s just one of those spells than even the greatest players have to endure. As he walked off he throw his bat up in the air as if to say, well, fuck it.
WICKET! England 178-5 (Buttler c Nidamanuru b van Meekeren 5)
Another horrible dismissal for Jos Buttler. He tries to drive Van Meekeren over mid-off, a shot he has played hundreds of times during his career, and clunks it straight to Nidamanuru.
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30th over: England 178-4 (Stokes 27, Buttler 5)
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29th over: England 174-4 (Stokes 25, Buttler 3) Buttler, England’s greatest white-ball batter, has had an inexplicably dreadful tournament, with scores of 43, 20, 9, 15, 8, 10 and 1. He has a small moment of fortune when a flashing cut bounces not far short of third man. Netherlands have to attack Buttler here, because one of these days he will get his eye in, and when that happens somebody is going to suffer.
Stokes, who looks as fluent as at any stage in this World Cup, swivel-pulls de Leede smoothly for four more. He has 25 from as many balls, Buttler 3 from 7.
28th over: England 167-4 (Stokes 19, Buttler 2) A quiet over from Ackermann. I’m spending too much time editing emails and not enough time watching the amtch, though there is an end-of-term feeling to the whole thing. Dr Butler said we can get the Subbuteo pitch out.
“I think the age thing around this England lot is a bit of a red herring: early 30s really isn’t that old these days - loads of successful teams are in this age bracket,” says Phil Harrison. “I just think this has been a hideously misconceived and poorly executed campaign. I’m sure this’ll be the end of Stokes, Malan, Woakes, Moeen, Willey, Wood and possibly even Bairstow as ODI players. But personally, I’d like Buttler to stick around - and I also think Rashid should be encouraged to carry on too, if only to help with Rehan’s development. But he’s actually bowled pretty well here and doesn’t deserve to be lumped in with the general catastrophe.”
Yes, it’s worth reminding ourselves that Australia and New Zealand have squads with an identical average age to England. Experience suggested one of those squads would have a poor tournament, but nobody expected to have an all-time shocker.
As you say, it’s a combination of things. That said, some of these players have a lot of miles on the clock, whether that’s physically, mentally or both. Of the thirtysomethings in this squad, I would keep Buttler and Rashid for future ODI squads, plus perhaps Malan – to smooth the transition, because you need to win games to maintain confidence - and Root. Livingstone might come back in the future.
27th over: England 164-4 (Stokes 18, Buttler 0) Netherlands are right back in this game. The last seven overs have brought three wickets and only 32 runs. “Root and others have been so emasculated,” says Ian Copestake, “that I think they no longer have middle stumps.”
WICKET! England 164-4 (Brook c Ackermann b de Leede 11)
Harry Brook is the answer for England – but not today. He top-edges a hook towards deep square, where Ackermann takes a well judged catch. That was a clever bounce from de Leede: higher and wider, which meant Brook had to fetch it more than he would have liked.
It’s a soft dismissal, like a few of Brook’s in this tournament, but that’s all part of an ODI education that is just beginning.
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26th over: England 163-3 (Stokes 17, Brook 11) Stokes looks in good touch after that long, slightly torturous net against Australia on Saturday. He drives Van Meekeren for four and muscles a pull that is excellent stopped on the boundary by Ackermann.
“Going back to our Pink Floyd discussions,” says Krishnamoorthy V, “I tried to match each team in this tournament to one of their albums. I can’t find one for Bangladesh. Nick Hornby or Simon McMahon could chip in.”
This is Krishnamoothy’s list. Pink Floyd are a foreign language to me but I assume/hope/pray it will mean something to some to you.
A saucerful of secrets – India
Ummagumma – England (because it makes no sense)
Atom Heart - Mother Australia
Meddle – Pakistan
Obscured by clouds - Netherlands
Wish you were here – Sri Lanka (the 1996 team)
The Wall – New Zealand
A momentary lapse of reason – South Africa
The Piper at the Gates of Dawn - Afghanistan
25th over: England 156-3 (Stokes 11, Brook 10) Stokes drives his county team-mate (sort of) de Leede straight down the ground for four. That’s a lovely shot. This looks a really good pitch, especially when the 80-85mph seamers are bowling.
“Hi Rob,” says Gareth Wilson. “It would be hugely ironic and very much in keeping with England’s muddled selection strategy if they drop Livingstone, an excellent T20 player, for a T20 tournament based on how he played in ODIs.”
Yeah that distinction is really important. But it can also be quite slippery because poor form in ODIs must affect confidence in T20s, and Livingstone’s T20 performances have also declined of late. I’d give him as many chances as possible, mind, and he’s one of the few players in this squad who I’d take to the Caribbean next month. Not sure you can take both him and Moeen to the T20 World Cup though.
24th over: England 149-3 (Stokes 5, Brook 9) Harry Brook, who has escaped the scarring of this tournament, gets goung with sumptuous, back-to-back boundaries: a pristine on-drive followed by a beautifully placed cover drive.
“Just looking at your list of young players who could/ should be at the core of a revamped white ball squad,” says Geoff Wignall, “and though they’re younger than the incumbents, Ben Duckett is 29 and Jofra Archer will be in April. For sure they both deserve places if fit, but they’re hardly in the first flush.”
That’s why I wrote younger rather than young. At least that’s what I intended to do. If there’s a typo or a literal, it’s not my fault – my brain isn’t young enough!
23rd over: England 141-3 (Stokes 5, Brook 1) At one stage Logan van Beek had figures of 4-0-44-0. Now they are 6-0-49-1 and he has played a part in the runout of England’s best player as well. See, it’s never too late to turn your life around.
22nd over: England 139-3 (Stokes 4, Brook 0) Running between the wickets is a window into the soul of a team, and England have had some stinking run-outs in this tournament. That was a tight single, so you could apportion blame either way. “It’s almost as if Malan forgot Root was no longer in,” says Ravi Shastri.
Either way Malan goes for a very good 87 from 74 balls, with 10 fours and two sixes. His detractors will point out that over 60 per cent of his runs have been scored against Bangladesh and Netherlands, and that’s fair enough, but he has still had a really good tournament. Same with David Willey. It must be so hard to summon the mental strength to play close to your best when you think or know you’re unloved; to do so when your team is also a complete mess is thoroughly admirable.
Malan pushes Dutt into the covers, set off and was sent back by Stokes. Van Beek got the throw very quickly and, though it reached the wicketkeeper Edwards almost on the half-volley, he dealt with it brilliantly and broke the stumps with Malan’s bat on but not over the line.
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WICKET! England 139-3 (Malan run out 87)
FFS.
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Run-out referral against Malan! This looks close.
21st over: England 135-2 (Malan 86, Stokes 1) Ben Stokes is the new batter. Root has had rough spells in his career but I’m not sure he has ever looked as out of touch as he does right now. He needs a holiday.
WICKET! England 133-2 (Root b van Beek 28)
Oh dear. Even the trusty reverse scoop has let Joe Root down. He jumped into position to launch Van Beek to third man, missed and was bowled between his legs. The ball zipped through to peg back middle stump. That dismissal is an instant meme, I’m afraid, and Root stomps off with a face like thunder. I don’t know whether it would have been more or less embarrassing had it hit the other middle stump.
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20th over: England 132-1 (Malan 84, Root 28) The offspinner Aryan Dutt replaces Van der Merwe, who may change ends to force Malan to hit to the bigger boundary. Seven from the over, all in ones and twos.
“When I moved to Spain in 2020 I always thought that, although following cricket would be harder (having to install VPNs and what have you), I’d at least be free from teasing by other people,” says David Govantes-Edwards. “At the end of the day, nobody here has the slightest clue about what’s going on in this most wonderful of games...
“Naturally, I had to move next door to a bike-rental shop that’s run by Ali, from Pakistan. He’s the loveliest of chaps, but you can imagine how sneakily I’ve been leaving the house these last three weeks, not always successfully. At the beginning I could at least make a little of a fight-back, but that’s gone for good now... Mother Cricket never lets you go, does she?”
18th over: England 125-1 (Malan 82, Root 24) Malan charges Van der Merwe and blooters another six to cow corner. Slow left-armer bowling to left-hander who is hitting to the short boundary = bish-bosh. Malan is 18 away from his second century of the tournament; no other England player has made one, not even the bowlers.
“Have the England batsmen considered throwing themselves head first off golf buggies?” asks Pete Salmon, a reference to yesterday’s astonishing innings from Glenn Maxwell.
18th over: England 117-1 (Malan 75, Root 23) The last time people spoke about England having a chance to improve their net run-rate, Jos Buttler had just put Afghanistan into bat, so maybe this isn’t a bright idea. But if England find themselves in a winning position, the margin of victory is important. Their net run-rate is inferior to Bangladesh, Sri Lanka and Netherlands, the challengers for the last two Champions Trophy places, and if England win today they will join those teams on four points.
This slightly tedious digression comes to you in association with some boring middle overs, the latest of which, from Ackermann, yielded six singles.
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17th over: England 111-1 (Malan 72, Root 20) Malan slog-sweeps Van der Merwe’s first ball for the first six of the innings. The heavy lifting done for the over, he and Root collect four low-risk singles. That’s drinks.
“Urgh, do we have to,” says Alistair Connor, quoting today’s already award-winning preamble. “Yes, you damn well do. Bear in mind, Rob, that there is a significant and colourful minority among your readership who are not England supporters, and who are here today for the schadenfreude.
“Personally, I have a great love for this England side, and it’s mostly your fault (along with all your esteemed OBO colleagues). Following the epic exploits of a legendary line-op over the past decade or so has been quite a journey, and it’s on the OBO that it’s all happened, for me anyway.
“Also: England gave the world Shakespearian tragedy. There is always a rich comic element in the best tragedies. Play on!”
Believe me, England batting collapses are part of the scaffolding of my life. Every scorecard triggers a precise memory, usually involving the abbreviation FFS.
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16th over: England 101-1 (Malan 64, Root 18) Colin Ackermann comes on to bowl his occasional offies. A single from Root, one of five in the over, brings up a low-key fifty partnership from 54 balls.
15th over: England 96-1 (Malan 61, Root 16) Here’s the left-arm spinner Roelef van der Merwe. He played against England for South Africa at the 2009 Champions Trophy, the match in which Eoin Morgan first demonstrated his coruscating brilliance in an England shirt. Four singles from the over; despite a sedate last half hour, England are still going at more than a run a ball.
“In terms of where we go from here. I think jettisoning a lot of players who aren’t performing, no matter how long they have done well for us, is the best thing to do,” says Stephen Brown. “There is a case to be made (by someone better informed and with more time than me) that part of our problem is the likes of Malan have come into the set up too late because we showed too much loyalty to Jason Roy even while he was having an extended barren run.
“Liam Livingstone is another who doesn’t seem to offer a consistent value to the team. Two half centuries in the 10 innings he batted before the World Cup is not mind blowing and while I accept the need for spinning options in India, again his figures do not jump out.
“I think Moeen’s column recently suggested we should be switching to the younger players, which is a fine idea, but doesn’t go far enough. We need to be more ruthlessly in picking on form as well. But perhaps we should just get through these next two games and hope some dignity can be restored first…”
I suppose there are few points to make – how much crossover is or should there be in selection for the two white-ball codes, and how can you judge form when hardly any of these players were ODI regulars from 2021-23? I wouldn’t necessarily agree that Malan suffered from excessive loyalty to Jason Roy because they generally opened together in the absence of Bairstow (and Roy played pretty well in the 12 months before the tournament).
In hindsight, winning the T20 World Cup was a mixed blessing because it cemented an it’ll-be-alright-on-the-night attitude and almost certainly created a subconscious complacency. It’s genuinely sad but these things happen in sport, and I don’t think it diminishes a pretty glorious legacy.
14th over: England 92-1 (Malan 59, Root 14) No matter how bad his form, Joe Root can always rely on his reverse scoop. He dumps Van Meekeren to third man, the first boundary of the innings from his 15th delivery, and a stylish flick through midwicket brings two more. It would have been four but for an excellent diving stop by O’Dowd.
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13th over: England 82-1 (Malan 58, Root 6)
12th over: England 78-1 (Malan 57, Root 3) It’s a bit of a quiet spell, with just nine runs scored in the last three overs. Root is taking some time to get his eye in, a reflection of his low confidence. At his best, as Ravi Shastri says, he breezes to 20 off 25 balls without anyone noticing. Today he has 3 from 10.
“For all Bairstow’s failings lately, he’s not the only one by any means,” says John Starbuck. “Also, he has a value in being a very good second wicketkeeper if needed. Can Harry Brook keep well enough yet?”
Erm, I don’t think so, although with his natural talent he’ll probably turn out to be the second coming of Alan Knott. The scrap for places at the T20 World Cup will be fascinating. Eight of the XI who won last year’s final are in this squad. The exceptions are Alex Hales (who has retired), Phil Salt and Chris Jordan. Then you have all the younger players: Duckett, Crawley, Jacks, Rehan, Tongue, Turner and – please, please – Jofra Archer.
If the Caribbean pitches are as expected, spin will be really important. Rehan Ahmed looks the real deal in T20 cricket so may well leapfrog Moeen and/or Livingstone.
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11th over: England 73-1 (Malan 53, Root 2) Bas de Leede replaces Aryan Dutt, who bowled a useful spell of 5-0-25-1. Malan leathers a straight drive that is well stopped by de Leede in his follow through. “This is such a good pitch,” says Ravi Shastri on commentary. “Flat, like the expressway just behind this ground.”
In other news, apparently the forecast for tomorrow’s game between New Zealand and Sri Lanka is dodgy, which could be a gamechanger. If that match is rained off, Pakistan and/or Afghanistan will move above them if they win their final game: Pakistan v England, Afghanistan v South Africa.
10th over: England 70-1 (Malan 50, Root 1) Paul van Meekeren comes into the attack and surprises Root with a bit of extra bounce. Root drops the ball safely on the off side, and the rest of the over passes without incident.
In other news, this is a longshot but if anyone reading a) is over 40, b) wants to play a regular game of football and c) lives near or in Bruton, Somerset, please get in touch. I’m trying to organise a regular game, because I’m a community-facing person and that’s just what I do to get fit, have fun, etc.
9th over: England 69-1 (Malan 50, Root 1) Joe Root’s run of scores in this tournament is a mathematical puzzle not even Max Fischer could solve: 77, 82, 11, 2, 3, 0, 13.
He gets off the mark with a bread-and-butter single. Dutt undoes the good work of the last few overs with a long hop that is slapped for four by Malan. A work off the pads takes him to tranquil half-century from 36 balls with 10 fours. As Malcolm Tucker might say, England’s World Cup failure is NHFP.
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8th over: England 63-1 (Malan 45, Root 0) Malan is playing superbly. He crashes a pull over midwicket for four, pings a square drive to the fence and belts a drive through the diving extra cover. Three boundaries in the over and nine in the innings already for Malan.
Seven of those have come off poor Logan van Beek, who has T20 figures of 4-0-44-0.
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7th over: England 48-1 (Malan 31, Root 0) It looks like there are nine matches before the T20 World Cup – five in the Caribbean next month, then four against Pakistan in May. Trouble is, most of this squad will surely be given next month off, especially as it’s a perfect chance to launch a new ODI era.
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WICKET! England 48-1 (Bairstow c van Meekeren b Dutt 15)
Jonny Bairstow’s miserable tournament continues. He tries to hoick Dutt over the leg side and top-edges a simple catch to fine leg. That’s well bowled by Dutt, who had started to build some pressure with a series of dot balls.
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6th over: England 47-0 (Bairstow 15, Malan 30) This is the sixth successive toss that Jos Buttler has won, which makes England’s failure even more surprising. Then again, they effectively lost the toss in the key games against Afghanistan and South Africa because they made the wrong decision. In hindsight, that brutal last hour and a half in the field against South Africa was when this team died.
Van Beek continues, conceding five singles from his third over. Bairstow has 15 from 16 balls, Malan 30 from 20. I wonder how many of this team will make next year’s T20 World Cup. They have to freshen the team up, but equally you can make a case for each thirtysomething individual geting another chance. It’ll only seven months away. I suppose it will depend on form in the preparatory matches, assuming there are some.
5th over: England 42-0 (Bairstow 13, Malan 27) A better over from Dutt, three singles from it.
“Where would the shock-o-meter register,” says Krishnamoorthy V, “should Pakistan trounce India in the semis and clinch the trophy after beating SA in the finals?”
It would register in my beating heart, that’s for sure. After the unforseeable surges of 1992, 2009 and 2017, Pakistan winning a major tournament should never be a shock. That said, I expect New Zealand to go through.
4th over: England 39-0 (Bairstow 12, Malan 25) On commentary, Eoin Morgan is talking about his golden duck when England made 498/4 against the Netherlands. “Bit two-paced that wicket,” he says. “Tinge of green… You know it’s time to go when your team nearly scores 500 and you can’t even get off the mark!”
Malan has started beautifully. A straight drive off van Beek takes him to 24 from 12 balls, all in boundaries, but he breaks that run by pulling the next for a single. In the context of England’s shocking tournament there’s something quite poignant about the performances of Malan and David Willey, who have waited so long to play in an ODI World Cup.
Bairstow continues England’s assured start with a crisp flick through midwicket for four. It would be just like this team to score 1000 today.
3rd over: England 29-0 (Bairstow 7, Malan 20) Malan makes it five boundaries in the first eight balls by slapping Dutt through the covers and edging the next ball wide of the keeper. England look in the moment to take out their frustration on the Netherlands bowlers.
“Morning Rob,” says Guy Hornsby. “This feels like a very cricketing hangover after the otherworldly feats of Glenn Maxwell yesterday. The can’t-walk-but-I’ll-slap-you-for-six-anyway section of that innings is barely believable. And it’s perfect that it’s England, of course, queueing up for another banana skin. Could you imagine any of that team today doing event 30 per cent of that? It’s hard to remember we were world-beaters, such is the slump. I’m glad Atkinson and Brook are in, but can anyone explain why Stokes isn’t flying home and preparing for a knee op now? Barney’s article seems very apt. Who is running the show here, exactly?”
I think that’s a bit harsh. I would have asked Stokes if he wants to go home, but in a situation like this England can’t really win. Imagine if he went home, then a batter got injured and a light top order (Livingstone at No5) was skittled today or against Pakistan. When you lose six games in a row, nothing you can do will stop the bloodlust.
There is part of me that wonders what Stokes playing at, as he seems very laissez-faire about his knee injury, but he’s England greatest ever cricketer (IMO) and has enriched our lives so much. I’d forgive him almost anything.
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2nd over: England 19-0 (Bairstow 6, Malan 12) Dawid Malan vrooms serenely out of the blocks, timing Logan van Beek for three successive boundaries: a flick behind square, a sweet off-drive and an even sweeter cover-drive.
Malan is the only England batter who has had a half decent tournament: he’s on 298 runs, with Joe Root the next best on 188, although 140 of those came against Bangladesh. He and Harry Brook are the only batters with a strike rate in excess of 100.
1st over: England 6-0 (Bairstow 6, Malan 0) The offspinner Aryan Dutt starts to Jonny Bairstow, who had had an increasingly desperate tournament: 141 runs at an average of 20, and 85 of those came in the first two games. He gets off the mark with a brusque sweep round the corner for four, then swaggers down the wicket munching his gum. A squirt past point brings two more.
“Good morning Rob,” writes Krishnamoorthy V. “There were a lot of discussions on Angelo Matthews in the OBO yesterday till the MadMax screening took over. The irony of the jump in focus from one for whom time ran out to one for whom time stood still can’t be ignored.”
Heh, very good. It’s the best ODI innings ever, right? Or, at least, it’s the best big ODI innings ever. It’s very hard to compare it to great innings in lower-scoring games, for example Graham Gooch against the four horsemen in 1986.
From the archive (and in urgent need of an update)
If you had the fortune to be born a cricket nerd, you might like this: a retro draft based solely on form in the 1999 World Cup. It’s not often Geoff Allott and Henry Olonga are picked ahead of Curtly and Courtney.
And if you want to listen to our 1999 World Cup draft and hear why we picked HIM instead of him, here's the podcast link: https://t.co/hL9hyGqGWb https://t.co/UrUqp5fiax pic.twitter.com/oUQsiKcz1i
— Nessun Dorma Podcast (@nessundormapod) November 8, 2023
Anyway, back to today’s game. Here are Ali and Barney’s previews.
This is such a good interview with Stuart Broad by Donald McRae. A couple of highlights.
“It’s deeper than you think,” Broad says of McCullum’s philosophy. “He’s been incredibly disciplined with his language. At no stage has he ever been negative or critical. Rather than being like a head coach, he is more of a psychologist.
“He would say to Zak Crawley: ‘I don’t want you to average 40 by getting 40 every game. I prefer you to go nought, nought, nought, 70. Win me that game.’ Like Zak did at Old Trafford – bang, [189 – although England’s victory push was ruined by rain]. So he really drives home the positive messages. I watched him before the Old Trafford Test. Jonny was having a tough time and so Baz played golf with him, sat next to him at dinner, threw him underarms at training. He spent a lot of time reinforcing Jonny’s strengths. And Jonny goes out and gets 99 [not out]. It’s quite impressive.
McCullum hates the expression ‘Bazball’ but, as Broad says with a grin, “It’s made the dictionary. The Aussies spent the last six months denying the fact it exists. Every interview they say: ‘Bazball is not a thing.’ But I will win that argument 100 times out of 100. I just show them the economy rates of bowling figures.”
Team news
Two changes for England: Harry Brook and Gus Atkinson replace Liam Livingstone and Mark Wood. The 2027 World Cup starts here.
Netherlands make one change. The allrounder Teja Nidamanuru comes in for Saqib Zulfiqar.
England Bairstow, Malan, Root, Stokes, Brook, Buttler (c/wk), Moeen, Woakes, Willey, Rashid, Atkinson.
Netherlands Barresi, O’Dowd, Ackermann, Engelbrecht, Edwards (c/wk), de Leede, Nidamanuru, van Beek, van der Merwe, Dutt, van Meekeren.
England win the toss (yet again) and bat
“It looks a good surface,” says Jos Buttler. “We’d like to take advantage and post a good score.”
This is the saddest thing you’ll read today (unless you heard about it two days ago – it’s new(s) to me)
Eff Marhaba Sports India, eff YouTube, eff all of it.
Of course we have to. England are playing at a World Cup and societal norms dictate that, no matter how severe the ennui engendered by a tragicomic title defence, it would be poor form to ignore the game and liveblog repeats of Frasier instead.
And while this feels like the final Test of an Ashes tour gone bad, there is actually plenty to play for. England need to win at least one and probably both of their last two games to qualify for the 2025 Champions League, an important rite of passage for the next generation of ODI players.
Overnight reports also suggest Matthew Mott’s employment prospects may hinge on today’s result. My hunch is that he will stay regardless – he has a World Cup to defend next year – but you can understand the perception that defeat to the Netherlands would be a humiliation too far, even if it is a bit insulting to an impressive side who have enriched this tournament. And who, lest we forget, are above England in the table.
England butchered 498 for four against the Netherlands in Mott’s first game as white-ball coach. That was 17 months and a lifetime ago, when Eoin Morgan was still captain and England’s aura was intact.
It has disappeared forever in this World Cup, a genuinely sad way for England to exit a stage they owned for so long. Let’s see whether they have one last domineering performance in them.
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Preamble
Urgh, do we have to?
