England World Cup winner Steve Thompson was recently placed on suicide watch as the full devastating effects of his dementia take hold.
In a moving interview with the Daily Mail, Thompson has revealed he planned to jump in front of a train, and that he forgets the names of his own wife and children. He was diagnosed with early-onset dementia and suspected chronic traumatic encephalopathy in November 2020.
Thompson said: "I was put on suicide watch a little while back. A few weeks ago, I was at the station in a state.
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"My doctor suggests some things to help keep my head on home, like I'll spray some of [ wife] Steph's perfume on me or look at pictures of the kids.
"This day I just thought, 'f*** it'. There's a fast train that goes through without stopping. It actually passed through before I got there. I sat on the next one and just bawled my eyes out.
"I sometimes find myself thinking the least selfish thing to do is just to kill myself. That's what this can do to me."
He continued: "I don’t know how long I have. Some people go 10, 15 years with it, maybe more. I met this one lady, 51 she is. She was told seven years ago there was nothing wrong with her and now she can’t walk or talk. F****** hell. What’s going to happen to me?.
"Every day I think about what Steph and the kids are going through with this. They are watching me disappear.
"Almost every day I get a name wrong. Sometimes I look at Steph and she sees my face go blank, and she’ll just say, 'Steph'.
"One of my girls, Seren, she’s hilarious. She now gives me three attempts to get her name and if I can’t she charges me a fiver. She’ll be a hell of a businesswoman."
Thompson retired in 2011 because of a neck injury - he had previously done so in 2007 as a result of a different neck problem, but returned to extend a club career which included spells with Northampton, Brive, Leeds and Wasps.
During his playing days, he was repeatedly concussed and is part of a group of former players bringing a legal action against World Rugby, the Rugby Football Union and the Welsh Rugby Union.
He said: "I just want things to change. Rugby needs to understand the problem and stop lying about it. There is a crisis. I'm f*****. But this is for the sake of the next guy."
He added: "I never really knew what a concussion was - I thought it was being out cold. No. It can be any hit on the head. That happened almost every day in my career - I passed out so many times on the scrum machine. I did 100 scrums in a day once. The boys would say, 'He is having a nap' and carry on."
Thompson and others, including former Wales flanker Alix Popham, who has had the same devastating diagnosis, are bringing legal proceedings against the game's authorities over what they contend is the failure to protect them from the risks caused by repeated concussions. You can read more on those issues here.
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