When East Belfast couple Colin and Sharon Jamison decided in their 20s that they wanted to foster children, they were met with strange looks and comments.
But when a friend cut out an advert for Barnardo's in the local paper, it reaffirmed what the couple already knew, they were destined to be foster carers.
Now, 32 years later having fostered 28 children and adopted one, the couple are still going strong and still in touch with many of the children they cared for over the years.
Read more: Northern Ireland in need of more foster carers, says charity
Speaking to Belfast Live, the couple explain how despite having two young daughters of their own, fostering was something they were determined to do.
Colin explained: "We had the two girls and we felt that there were a lot of children out there who needed a helping hand and so we started talking about fostering, and then a friend approached us who had cut an advert for Barnardos out of the paper.
"She said she saw it and thought of us and said she thought it suited us and it was strange because we hadn't told anyone we had even been talking about it. So we just went ahead and made enquiries and it started from there."
"It did really reinforce it for us that we should just give it a go", added Sharon.
The couple have fostered close to 30 children over the last three decades and have cared for all needs and abilities, from babies to teenagers, including a young girl who had a life-limiting condition who sadly passed away after 10 years in their care.
Sharon said: "We've had children with severe physical disabilities, children with behavioural problems, we've had a full range of ages from 14 months to 18-19 years old. A lot of them have been long term so we maybe had them for 10 years or so.
"The children themselves are different in the issues they have and I suppose when you're fostering you need to be able to adapt yourself. There are different backgrounds and experiences and it just takes a bit of time to settle in and get used to it. We had to adapt and change to suit them initially and to make them feel secure and comfortable.
"Foster children and foster carers are individuals and it's just about making sure you get that right blend for it to work."
With fostering children long-term the couple says it is difficult to see them move on, but when it means they return to their birth families then that is the ultimate goal.
"It is difficult if children move on and maybe go to another carer and you have to say to yourself well you contributed something and you had a bit of an impact on their lives. But when children go back home to their birth family there is nothing we enjoy more than to see a child do that, because the way we see it children belong with their birth family where possible. That's what it should it be and if we are able to help out in the interim until things are stable well then we have done our job.
"We have some children who have returned to birth families who still come to us, they still phone us, they still arrive at the door or their mum will tell them, make sure you ring Colin and Sharon," added Colin.
While their own children were still young when they began their fostering journey, the couple say they had to make sure that they were catering to everyone's needs.
"At first we had young children who were around the same age as our daughters, and they were short term so they would be with us maybe for a few weeks or months and they saw them as friends coming to visit and they had a great time.
"I think the problem then is when they stay a bit longer then our own children, our eldest especially and she came and she was only six and she said to us 'I'm jealous, because you're spending more time with then than us'.
"So from then on, we made sure that one of us was with our own children and one of us with the foster child if they needed that bit of extra attention. We would always swap over as well because you can't neglect your own children either," added Sharon.
The couple believes their own daughters growing up alongside foster children in their home helped shape their future career paths.
"From our girls point of view, because they were invovled with us in the fostering process when they were so young, you can see the people they are today has been shaped by that because they both work in the caring system. One of them is a Paediatric Nurse in the Intensive Care Unit and looking after children all the time and the other is a Radiographer so they work in that system," said Colin.
Dealing with children who have been through all sorts of traumatic situations can be emotionally draining but Sharon believes it's the emotion that helps make you a good foster carer.
"To be a good foster parent you have to have heart and you have to feel and you have to have these emotions but you have to use those emotions because if a child is being really aggressive or going through a difficult time you just remind yourself that this is what happened, this is what they've seen or been through and you can talk to them about it, so it helps to have those feelings."
Colin added: "I think we've always said and what we keep at the forefront of our minds is that what you see when a child is having behavioural problems and issues, is these are things that are reflective of their past and their experiences and you do have to see past that, and always remember, there is a wee child in there and they are just trying to express themselves.
"It's for us as carers to guide them through that and to help them express themselves properly."
As well as fostering almost 30 children, Colin, 60 and Sharon 58 have also adopted a child into their family having fostered him as a baby.
Speaking about that experience, Sharon admitted once they knew he could be adopted, she 'couldn't let him go'.
"He came to us when he was 16 months old and we were only supposed to have him for a few weeks as he was supposed to move back to his birth mum but that just didn't work. So they made the decision about a year after that he would be up for adoption and we just could not lose him.
"It brings tears to my eyes even thinking about it, he was very much part of our family and even our daughters said 'mum and dad if you aren't going to adopt him we will!'
"When he was four years old then he was officially adopted and he turns ten next month."
Colin added: "It's another area where there is a lot of confusion and you get comments all the time when you're fostering 'why do people not adopt all these children?' But all children aren't up for adoption you have to go through the courts and get a freeing order and they have to be able to argue the case as to why they need that freeing order."
If anyone is thinking of becoming a foster carer, and isn't sure where to turn, Colin had this advice.
"What we would say to most people is if they're think of fostering or making enquiries, there are a lot of myths and information out there that is incorrect, so the best thing to do is to contact a fostering agency and come along to an information night. A quick phone conversation could give you information and if you're still interested then the information nights are a great source for chatting to people and meeting foster carers who can talk to you.
"That way you are getting the correct information and not hearsay."
Sharon added: "Also don't be afraid to ask questions and keep asking questions right up to the end. Just because you've made enquries doesn't mean you can't say no if you feel it isn't for you. And that goes for if you are matched with a child and you don't think that child is right for your family you can say no because it has to be the right fit for everybody."
Children’s charity, Barnardo’s Northern Ireland, has recently announced their new ‘Foster to Adopt,’ service that allows children in need of a safe and loving home to be placed with prospective adopters on a fostering basis.
Introduced during Foster Care Fortnight 2022, the vital service will help to achieve the best match for both a child and their prospective adopter and will reduce the number of moves that vulnerable children experience.
Priscilla McLoughlin, Operations Manager of the Fostering and Adoption Service at Barnardo’s Northern Ireland, said, "Foster to Adopt is a vital service that will allow us to place children in need of a safe and loving home with prospective adopters on a fostering basis until the legal process of adoption is resolved in court.
“For children for whom a return to their birth family or placement with wider family members is assessed as impossible, adoption presents a permanent care option.
“At Barnardo’s Northern Ireland, our focus is on those children who tend to wait longest to be placed for adoption. We find that this group includes older children, siblings who require placement together, and children with additional needs.
“A considerable 40 per cent of children who require placement for adoption in Northern Ireland have a range of complex needs, including various medical conditions, being over 4 years of age, and needing to be placed with a brother or sister. We find that these children usually wait the longest to be placed with an adoptive family.
“We would encourage prospective adopters across Northern Ireland to get in touch with us by visiting our website, or by calling 028 9065 2288 or 0800 0277 280.”
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