Remember Happy Fun Ball, the classic 1991 Saturday Night Live commercial-parody skit, written by Jack Handey, voiced by the late Phil Hartman, and starring Dana Carvey, Jan Hooks and Mike Myers?
Manufactured by "Wacky Products Incorporated," and its parent company, "Global Chemical Unlimited," and cored by some exotic element that fell to Earth from outer space, the $14.95 "toy that's sweeping the nation" included a long list of "do nots" that would make even an Eli Lilly ad man blush, culminating with a final stern admonition: "Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball!"
That's a little bit how we feel about the debut Thursday of Telly, the free 4K 55-inch smart TV offering consumers the proposition of no-cost hardware in exchange for unfettered advanced advertising access.
The TOS remains full of requirements you might expect less from a consumer electronics startup and more from, say, a parole officer.
Any violation of this TOS will provide cause for Telly to demand its product be shipped back or, failing the violator's willingness to do so, a $1,000 charge dinged on the users credit card, access for which is also required at signup.
Here are some requirements that caught our attention:
"You will notify Telly of any change of address."
"You will use the product as the primary television in your household."
"You will keep the product connected to Wi-Fi and internet."
"You will not use any software on your Wi-Fi network with advertising blocking capability."
"You will not make physical modifications to the product or attach peripheral devices to the product not expressly approved by Telly. Any attempt to open the product's enclosure will be deemed an unauthorized modification."
"You will address Telly at all times as 'master,' and you will refer to yourself as 'this addressable consumer.'"
OK, we made that last one up, but the TOS will certainly make at least some folks perusing the product second-guess Telly's marketing come-on -- that there's "no better Black Friday deal than free."
Not for nothin', but you can get a 55-inch Amazon Fire TV 4-Series model for 35% off Thursday ($339). Amazon won't care what you do with it after you open your front door and bring in the box.
Telly said that 250,000 consumers signed up for its free TVs. The startup's goal is to have its TVs in the living rooms of 500,000 homes by the end of 2023.
The company already has a deal with Nielsen, which will license the data Telly collects from users. It also has agreements with Magnite and Microsoft.
