A Scots mum who 'took every pill in the house' to numb the pain of severe depression has hit out at parents portraying 'perfection' on social media.
Billie Hendrie, 25, battled post-natal depression (PND) following the birth of her son, Marlowe Mulraney, in spring 2018 which manifested into severe ongoing depression.
Two years later, Billie was hospitalised after taking an overdose when she 'couldn't live with the pain anymore'.
Thankfully the young Airdrie mum survived and has now bravely opened up on her once 'secret 'battle' as she fought to keep up appearances because of the pressure of seeing other 'perfect' mums on social media.
Accounts assistant Billie told the Record: "After labour I was exhausted and scared which I thought was normal, plus I'd heard about the about the 'baby blues' but mine didn't go away.
"People asked if I was enjoying being a mum and while I loved Marlowe from the start, I hated motherhood.
"Parents on social media make out like their lives are perfect.
"Nobody shows the negative side or talks about it.
"I felt I couldn't tell anyone how I was feeling and the pressure got too much for me.
"I'd lock myself in the toilet and cry every day. It was like a secret battle that I didn't want to talk about."
Six months into motherhood Billie went to her GP who suggested anti-depressants, but she resisted medication and chose to write down her feelings and go to the gym in a bid to lift her mood.
When Scotland's first lockdown hit and gyms closed in March 2020, Billie's mental health quickly spiralled and the mum-of-one became so ill that began to convince herself Marlowe 'would be better off' without her.
She added: "By then, I didn't eat or sleep much. I couldn't get out of bed, or leave the house. I started cancelling plans with friends.
"I barely got washed or dressed and sometimes wouldn't dress Marlowe, so I started to think he would be better off without me.
"I lived under a cloud of darkness and I just wanted to end the pain.
In her darkest moment, in April 2020 Billie went through the cupboards in her parent's house and took every pill she could find before falling asleep.
Hours later, she was rushed to the A&E department at nearby Monklands Hospital where she was hooked up to fluids to 'flush out' dangerously high levels of medication in her body.
Billie said: "Surviving that was a wake up call. I knew something had to change."
After her discharge from hospital, Billie began to seek professional help and is now battling back to health.
She has since published a blog on her post-natal depression experience in a bid to help others suffering to open up and was stunned when dozens of other mums reached out to her to say they had shared similar experiences.
"I couldn't believe the reaction to the blog," she added.
"So many women got in touch with me, many from my own home town.
"Many of these women were the ones who portrayed this perfect experience with their babies on social media, but now I know they were struggling mentally too.
"People don't talk about what goes on behind closed doors, but we need to remove the stigma from PND so people can be honest about it.
"It can affect anyone, there is no shame it and it does get better."
Mental health charity, Mind, provides information and support regarding post-natal depression and support on their website or call 0300 123 3393.
You can contact the Samaritans 24 hours a day, seven days a week by calling 116 123 or via their website.
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