I grew up in a single-parent household in South Shields. It was me, my mam, my three brothers, my sister and my nan. My nan, who was very loving, took care of us a lot – she was almost like a second parent. It was tough for my mam. She wasn’t able to work, because there were five of us. We were brought up on benefits. That’s why I’ll always be grateful for my upbringing. We were always clean. We were always well fed. Now, parents are struggling to do even do that.
I come from a family of strong women. I always talk about the time I got kicked in a game when I was 14. It really hurt and I wanted to cry, then I saw my mam coming towards me – to give me a hug, I thought. But she bent down and said: “Don’t you dare cry,” rubbed my bleeding knee and walked off. That stuck with me. Even now, if I get hurt, I think: “Quick, get up, because Mam will be fuming.” It came from a place of love and care, but it was a tough-love upbringing. She equipped me for life and she did a very good job.
My childhood dream was always to play football. I had a framed poster of David Beckham on my bedroom wall and I used to watch Bend It Like Beckham all the time. I was like, “I want to do that.” When I played, I felt empowered.
Mam had to pay for my football kit in weekly instalments. I used to tell myself that just because people said I was good, it didn’t mean I would get what I deserved. I knew I wouldn’t get what I wanted unless I worked hard.
I was eight the first time I was racially abused on a pitch. An opponent said: “I’ll mark the Paki,” and I realised he meant me. I told the ref and he got taken off. I remember he was crying and was made to apologise.
I played in an all-girls team in an all-boys league. Dads would be shouting at their sons from the sidelines: “Kick her! Break her legs!” It was the norm then – because what if their sons got beaten by us girls? I wouldn’t want anyone to experience that, but it made me robust. It’s part of the journey us Lionesses went on. It got us to where we are now.
I’m an optimist. I try to find the positive in any situation. Do that and you keep moving forward.
The first time I ever felt starstruck was meeting David Beckham. We had an England game, in America, and he came into the changing room. I just stared at him. I remember thinking: “Oh, he smells so good.”
I don’t mind getting older. I don’t put pressure on myself to have achieved things by a certain age. If you’re happy, that’s all that matters. Also, people think I’m 25, even though I’m 32.
I don’t cry often. I got teary when my son Harlen was born, but I didn’t cry. I tend to be level-headed. Even when we won the Euros, I only cried when I saw other people crying. I remember thinking: all that hard work, it’s been worth it.
Demi Stokes is a supporter of the women’s refuge charity, South Tyneside Women’s Aid
